IDEAS I BELIEVE, KNOW, AND LOVE

A Brief Update

2010-12-15T00:00:00.002-07:00

I've had several people ask about my current condition. I am doing so much better, but no where near ideal. I am so much better. Most of my symptoms have completely subsided. The strict diet has served me well and I am continuing with it. I still do not take in dairy (occasionally hard cheese, but that's all), meat, sugar, bad fats, and high fructose corn syrup. A good side effect of this is that I weigh within 12 pounds of my goal weight now. The main thing I struggle with is energy. I fight hard to move around, which I do. The days I am somewhat active leave me depleted, but I am so grateful for being able to move at all. I have my faculties back because my illness struck my neurological system for a time. I feel strengthened through Christ, my faith, and the prayers of so many.

Now is time to express my deep gratitude for all I have learned during this time of crisis. I have three areas that I am praying for a miracle, a turnaround, or extreme blessings. The answers to those prayers must demand great sacrifice, patience, and knowledge. The end result I seek is so worth every second of hardship. I used to pray to Father in Heaven that "I am ready", but I have now changed that to "Am I ready?" It's a switch of two words, but the meaning is a world apart.

I have learned through this process that we can become creators in our own lives. The creation process is a learned process. I have been shown some of the "mysteries" necessary for creation, but in increments. We need to first have "holding places" to put specific bits of knowledge. We first must make those "holding places" ourselves. It is step upon step, line upon line, and cannot be accomplished all at once.

Now is the time for repentance and forgiveness. Now is the time for learning and growing. Now is the time for recognizing and developing talents and skills. I am incredibly grateful for every part of my life that has led me to this point. I used to believe we are a sum total of our experiences and we are. However, now I believe there is step beyond that. It is because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ that we experience a mighty change of heart. It is after that mighty change that we have an opportunity to become entirely new creatures or creations. It is by the Infinite Atonement of Jesus Christ we have a new spirit, a new mind, and a new body. He not only helps us as we change our behaviors; he alone changes our very natures.

I have learned through adversity, hardships, and long suffering the steps necessary for great change and for greater learning. For unique reasons I needed this particular path to arrive at this point. I am not done, I have not arrived, I still have much to learn. I love how Christ loves. I am so very grateful for all that He is and all that He does and all that He will do. I feel I am a testament to His goodness, mercy, and love. I am yet unsure what is ahead of this journey, but I am faithful it is the right and true path for me.

1,000,000 Things For Which I Am Grateful

2010-10-04T12:36:00.002-06:00

Of course, I am not sure if I can actually write one million things, but if I were to break down each element of gratitude, find all the levels and nuances, and describe the specific hue of each experience, I just might be able to state countless general and specific items. This is purely an exercise for me because of the General Conference talk by President Thomas S. Monson concerning becoming more grateful and returning to Father in Heaven in prayer and listing our reasons for gratitude. I have recorded only 100 things, but I feel I could write a 10,000 word essay on each item, so 100 x 10,000 = 1,000,000.

1. Father in Heaven and Mother in Heaven

2. Jesus Christ

3. The Holy Ghost

4. Unembodied and disembodied spirits and Angels, who work on my behalf continually.

5. Prayer

6. My Testimony

7. The Gospel of Jesus Christ

8. The Atonement of Jesus Christ

9. My reliance on Jesus Christ for everything

10. Forgiveness

11.Repentance

12. Faith

13. Mercy

14. Charity

15. Love & Peace

16. Hope in Christ

17. Grace & Ease

18. Compassion and Empathy

19. The four standard works (The Holy Bible, The Book of Mormon—The Second Witness of Jesus Christ, The Doctrine & Covenants, The Pearl of Great Price)

20. The words and counsels of modern day Prophets

21. Joseph Smith

22. Thomas S. Monson

23. All other Modern Day Prophets

24. Ancient Prophets, but particularly Nephi, Isaiah, Moses, Alma the Elder & Younger, Lehi & Nephi the 2^nd, John the Beloved, Matthew, and many others

25. Clear direction

26. Commandments

27. Temples

28. Genealogical Research Work

29. Family Sealings

30. Church Materials

31. Insights from other LDS scholars

32. General Conference

33. Callings

34. Sacrament

35. Church Meetings

36. LDS Non-Fiction Religious Written Works

37. Teachings received by my heart

38. A Mighty Change of Heart

39. Humility

40. Gratitude (a thankfulness for all He does)

41. Praise (a thankfulness for who He is)

42. Service (giving and receiving)

43. Revelations

44. Church sanctioned videos

45. Other uplifting, religious, LDS videos

46. Hymns

47. Having a eye single to the glory of God

48. Many, Mighty Miracles

49. Seminary & Institute classes and teachers

50. All church leaders

51. Specific examples of church leaders counseling and guiding me

52. Sacrifice

53. Adversity

54. My loving and selfless husband

55. Our children (I have four, two biological and two in love)

56. Our grandchildren (only other grandparents understand this one fully)

57. My parents and step-parents

58. My in-law parents

59. Our brothers and sisters,

60. Our extended family (this list is huge and goes back countless generations)

61. My dear, sweet, caring, loving, giving, sharing, compassionate friends (I wish I could name you all by name…this could make up the majority of my gratitude list)

62. The many missionaries that have impacted our lives deeply

63. Our sweet pets, who’ve made us laugh and give us such joy

64. Our universe

65. Our galaxy & stars we see

66. Our moon for its light and mystery

67. Kolob (where Heavenly Father works)

68. Our sun for its life, light, warmth, and stability of our solar system

69. Our precious earth

70. All of nature (all things that grow upon this earth)

71. All the living things on the earth (all that walk, swim, fly, and creep)

72. All of the water that brings me peace which passes understanding

73. Our atmosphere which keeps us safe, brings us the ability to live here, and provides amazing beauty

74. All of the land, including the plains, mountains, hills, & valleys

`` 75. My body (all organs, systems, glands, processes, cells, DNA, & energy)

76. My mind and all of its intricate abilities, knowledge, memories, etc. etc.

77. My spirit, which I treasure, which I have hurt, & which I now honor and protect and love

78. My experiences, past, present and future

79. My feelings and emotions, which continue to teach me

80. My gifts and talents, which I am growing and developing

81. My health, including the endless things I can do

82. My dreams and visions

83. All the things I have learned and applied and shared

84. My growing ability to love, by virtue of the Great Exemplar

85. My life and breath, which is a gift from Jesus Christ

86. My interests, particularly my joy of reading and drive toward learning

87. My knowledge and use of sign language

88. Our home and the shelter it affords us

89. All the material things that have been freely and generously given to us

90. The modern conveniences which make life easier & more enjoyable

91. Our vehicles

92. Our spa bedroom

93. Our genealogy and the work that’s been accomplished

94. Our personal photographs and videos

95. Our newly-gained knowledge of giving our bodies what they need to operate at their optimum

96. People who share their knowledge, wisdom, gifts, insights, goods, and food with us

97. Our opportunities to serve others

98. All the books I’ve devoured and the long list of others I intend to read

99. My current health situation and all the lessons I’m being taught

100. Our vacations and time with our family

The Biggest Loser

2010-09-28T21:59:00.002-06:00

The NBC show "The Biggest Loser" is one of my favorites, and I find it so inspiring. If you don't know the show, it's on Tuesday nights. It starts with 12 - 16 people on it. It is one of those reality elimination shows involving morbidly obese people competing for several large cash prizes. However I find this show is not just about losing weight. It's about finding themselves, figuring out why they allowed huge weight gain, and why they have not been able to gain control. It is so moving to me to witness their inner and outer transformations. Many have serious challenges at home, so they have not even put themselves on their own "list". They now have a unique opportunity to become the people they hope to become. They become very vulnerable at pivotal points along the way, and it seems that is the time they decide they are worthy of a huge change and improvement. I have cried many times watching it I guess because I can so relate.

First, I have a teeny weight issue. I weighed 30 pounds more than I weighed 6 years ago. I have lost 12 pounds so far. I am planning to get back to the 2004 weight. I have 18 more pounds to go. On Dr. Oz, the new way to look at our "perfect" weight zone is following this formula: At 5 feet we need to weight 100 pounds, then add 5 pounds for every inch over that, then we can range between + or - 10% of that total. So my 2004 weight fit into that range perfectly and I plan to go back there. If you do not know me before or during that time, I have always been thin, actually too thin. In 1992, I finally achieved an appropriate weight for someone my height. I maintained that weight until 1997 when I had a grand mall seizure due to a prescription medication. I was immediately taken off the medicine, but I was immediately put on another really strong medication for seizures. I, of course, knew I would not have another seizure because I knew what caused it. I wish I would have been more assertive with the doctors and gone with my instincts and not take the strong medication. It had a severe side effect, which directly caused a 30 pound weight gain within six months. By 2000, I had lost all the weight and maintained until the end of 2004. I began to eat to mask and stuff high pain levels. I ate myself back to the 30 pound overage. I have see-sawed up and down, which is terribly hard on the body. My poor, ravaged body has taken all it could, and basically gave up this summer. The signal was to stop, get control, heal, and listen.

So I have digressed from my original purpose, but I guess I needed to explain that one aspect of why "The Biggest Loser" inspires me. Another big reason I am so fascinated with this show is the emotional transformations through which these people go. They make incredible sacrifices, such as leaving their loved ones (some of them for months), taking a leave of absence from work or quitting their jobs, and leaving their entire support system or enabler system behind. At first, they are totally on their own, in a new environment, having to make changes in privacy and food intake, and are forced to confront their present state of health and physical readiness. Sometimes it takes someone else holding up the mirror to our faces for us to admit we need to make a change.

I wanted to make the change without someone else pointing it out for me. I am quite aware of my shortcomings and am a big believer that life is a process, a journey. This is a marathon and we always need to be pushing forward and attempting to improve in all areas of our lives. I am also a big believer that we need to love ourselves and accept who we are this very minute. Then we become worthy within our own hearts to make serious strides forward. It's the self-hate and loathing that keep us chained to inaction. When we do not like ourselves, we do not believe we are worthy of improvement and a better life. It's okay to say, "I like me", but better to say "I love me". It's great that we love ourselves. We need to keep repeating to ourselves positive self-affirmations. Sometimes it sounds like a lie, but it's important to keep the process going until we do believe we are great and worthy. We need to look at ourselves as Christ sees us. He sees us as we are, warts and all, but loves us deeply. He sees our potential and knows our infinite worth. He also knows all we are capable of accomplishing in this life. He doesn't want us to throw away the beautiful end product of who we can become, especially because of bad habits which we can change.

I would positively love to be able to talk to some of the contestants from this reality show to tell them how awesome they are, how they inspire me and many others, and how they are so worth all the emotional & physical work they are doing. And I would say to them as only Yogi Berra would say, "Half their work is physical and 90% is mental!" Haha!

Moving forward is all about pushing ourselves beyond our perceived limits. I actually like it when people say they are putting in 110%. Some people claim that's actually impossible, but I feel the opposite. We each have these mental barriers. We think to ourselves I am doing all I can, but truthfully if we keep moving forward, we can exceed our expectations. I am doing that now. I push myself every single day now. My body and mind have no way out; they simply must readjust. The proverbial carrot is always out in front but out of reach. I will consider my carrot caught when I reach all my goals. One such goal is complete health, healing, and wellness. I have others, including the weight loss I mentioned. I'd love to hear about some of your own stories about what I've discussed. One thing I don't want to debate is my weight loss. That's between me and me, but concerning any of the posts, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Stuff I Am Learning About My Dis-Ease

2010-09-27T11:56:00.003-06:00

First, when I have a particular dis-ease symptom, I now know the Father through the Son through the Spirit is attempting to show me something about my life that is out of balance. Several examples of this include liver pain, migraines, joint/bone pain, and digestive issues.

I have learned my liver is where I store my anger. Anger is a secondary emotion to hurt, fear, frustration, & confusion. When my liver hurts, I know I have a new emotional issue coming forth involving feelings I have stuffed down. It is also where ancestral feelings that were passed down through my DNA are retained.

Migraines are a symptom of feeling scared or alone. This is a recent discovery so I am currently working on this. We all feel alone at times because each of us experiences this physical separation from Heavenly Father and Heavenly Mother very acutely. This needs to be confronted and resolved somehow to relieve this particular feeling.

Joint/bone pain are the first sign I am feeling less than or not good enough. When I recognize this, I can simply repeat a mantra of “I am loved and valued” or something to that affect. I do this until it become believable to me.

Digestive issues show me stress is becoming overwhelming for me, and I need to slow down and give my body what it needs.

Second, when I ask Heavenly Father, through prayer, to show me ways in which I can heal, He always obliges me within hours. This is a fairly recent discovery for me. I have found when we ask for something, we need to then pay close attention for an answer. It is probably rude to ask for something and then not “listen” for the response; something I have been guilty of doing often.

I know how He communicates with me, so I know when an answer is from Him. I know His “yes”, His “no”, His “maybe”, His “I’m waiting for a holding place for you to put the answer, so I will answer this one later”, and His “this is what I want to teach you right now because you are sufficiently prepared to learn” or a “general teaching moment” response.

Most of the time the “teaching moment” response involves my needing to forgive someone or some situation. Forgiveness appears to be the path for creating a balanced, loving life.

Third, when I have a breakthrough emotionally & spiritually, my body will react in a so-called negative way for the following period of time, perhaps several days. This took me awhile to ascertain and accept.

Let me clarify what I mean by a negative reaction, though it will seem obvious after I explain it. For the next couple of days after a breakthrough, I experience increased pain, fatigue, and stress. I have learned these symptoms are my body’s way of purging the effects of holding onto negative energy. This requires constant reminders from me that I am moving forward, not backward, and doing this work is difficult.

Fourth, the longer I put off learning what Jesus Christ wants to teach me, the longer I will need to endure the effects of living an unbalanced life. I thought I had been forgiving all along. I needed to confront the idea that my dis-ease is the result of unresolved feelings and emotions and the need for forgiveness.

I now know my dis-ease is not a punishment, but a natural consequence of consciously or sub-consciously ignoring past experiences. Our feelings and subsequent emotions are supposed to act as a signal or warning to us.

I am dealing with each new discovery as it comes with the hope that there will be an end at some point. I mean I am doing an enormous amount of emotional, physical, and spiritual work, and I expect a reward filled with grace, ease, abundance, and balance. That is not to say that I will never have to confront future issues, but I will not also have a lifetime of unresolved feelings to work through at the same time.

Fifth, I need to stay constantly vigilant to guard against frustration, fear, and panic by this process. I confess this process has been brutal at times. I have found it difficult to work through issues while experiencing near-constant pain throughout my body. Jesus Christ, I am sure, feels sympathy for my frustration and pain, but He just wants to teach me how to become like Him. He knows more than anyone how hard this process is, and He offers His love, peace, and help anytime He is called upon to act on our behalf.

I need to remind myself that this is a learning process and necessary for my best good. I used to feel alone, but now I know I am not nor have I ever been alone. Christ Himself and many Angels are present and are always working in my behalf. When I notice frustration, fear, or panic creeping in, I repeat to myself that I am grateful for this teaching, and doing it will allow me to progress spiritually. Converting the feelings from frustration, fear, or panic to gratitude and joy can take several minutes or hours, but if I do not give up, gratitude and joy come into my heart and fill me with hope. Repeating the many things for which I am grateful helps to alleviate the fear and frustration more quickly.

Sixth, there is a strong, evil force working to prevent progress from taking place in my life. There is also a more powerful legion of angels utilizing Christ’s power to overcome their influence. So I am casting out these satanic forces regularly as well as asking for angelic protection.

Those evil or negative influences are extremely damaging, and so it is necessary for me to differentiate from where my current state of mind is coming. I’ve discovered it is fairly simple to find out which is which. If I feel good, then that is from Christ, and if I feel bad, that is from satan.

Feeling bad feels bad, so I have learned to run away from those influences as quickly as I can. Feeling good feels good, so I do all I can to replicate the steps that lead to that result.

Seventh, it is crucial for me to remain teachable and to accept help from positive, wise friends and family. Getting insights from others who are further along on this particular path is so important and necessary for my progression.

Giving and receiving service is crucial for our salvation. To be the recipient of service helps others to receive the blessing of giving service. I am certainly deeply grateful for all I have been given and taught.

Eighth, I am learning how my relationship with food has played an important role in teaching me about my feelings. This relationship has changed over time depending on where I was emotionally. I have used food as an escape, a tranquilizer, an emotion stuffer, and a pain reliever.

I think anytime a person says I have “used” food is a sign of imbalance and self-abuse. I am hoping once I have progressed enough I can allow the consumption of food to take an appropriate role in my life as a fuel source and eating as a socially enjoyable experience. Eating food currently involves pain and discomfort.

I know when full healing and energy balance takes place I can enjoy consuming healthy food. I will never go back to stuffing unhealthy food into my mouth just to receive temporary pleasure. I vow to finally treat my body as a temple and a gift from Heavenly Father.

Ninth, the Atonement of Jesus Christ is intended to provide everything we need to recover and heal in every way. I am learning to offer all my distress, effects of my dis-ease, and dreams for an abundant, whole, healthy, and Christlike future to my Saviour, Jesus Christ..

His love for us is pure, all-powerful, and unconditional, but a greater level of progression involves intense, focused, & faithful work on our part. We are never alone during this process, we are helped every step of the way, and we receive amazing blessings with each new lesson.

We honor Him by relying on Him, giving Him our all, and practicing obedience, hope, and faith. Our sincere, grateful, and humble attempts of becoming like Him can only result in everything He wants for us. We show our love by accepting His way and learning whatever He wants to teach us.

These lessons are individualized for me and may not apply to you. However, I need to acknowledge all that I have learned so far and express my deep and abiding gratitude to my Savior and my Father in Heaven. This is my letter to them to let them know I am paying attention and I am doing all I can in this process. I love the plan of happiness and look forward to a time when I have sufficiently forgiven everyone and every situation and will no longer feel the effects of stuffing my feelings and emotions.

It is so important for us to remember. We must remember everything we have been given, all that we have taught, and how the Atonement has worked in our lives. Forgetting is our downfall; remembering helps us to move ahead in our progression. If we forget, we might begin to believe our blessings are a result of our work alone. Remembering Christ has healed us, taught us, forgiven us, and blessed us brings us a step closer to our Heavenly home and reward.

I humbly and gratefully offer my eternal thanks to Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, Jesus Christ, the Holy Spirit, heavenly beings, and my wonderful family and friends!!

FORCED INTO VEGANISM!!

2010-09-20T21:19:00.004-06:00

Okay, I admit it's not like being forced off a moving train, but it came as a shock to me nonetheless. My stomach and entire digestive track has decided to take a much-needed vacation, so they've resolved to not allow food to pass through them without pain, discomfort, and trouble for what appears to be an extended period of time. Rather than be stubborn and force my system to accept whatever food I so choose to eat, I've decided to give my body only the BEST foods and herbs this good earth provides. Apparently, my body can heal best from ingesting fresh vegetables, fruits, and only select grains.

Veganism, as I understand it, involves eating only foods that come from anything that didn't originally have a face. Any foods that came from anything that once had a face can severely affect my body in most negative ways. I do still experience many negative effects from eating even the best the earth can grow. The effects include near-constant migraines, pain in my upper abdomen (liver), and great discomfort in my bones, muscles, and joints. However, after acquiring all the knowledge I can on this subject, I will submit entirely to what my body most needs now and not continue as status quo.

I began cutting back my diet on July 15th by eliminating gluten. For those of you who do not know, cutting out gluten is a pretty tough thing to do in our current society. Next beginning on August 5th I cut my diet down, per my physician's instruction, to just five food items. Then after two weeks, I began to add one new item every three days. However, I fell in a physiological way quite rapidly. So I began a raw food juice diet on September 1st and took only this with the herbs prescribed by my doctor for the next 8 days. I really thought I was starving because I was ingesting no fiber at all. I am happy to report my stomach had shrunk from July 15th to September 8th, such that I could become full easily and actually rarely experienced hunger. By September 9th, I was quite ready to add some whole foods to my diet, so we have discovered the joy of vegan "meats". I look forward to my daily vegan "bacon, burger, sausage, or chicken. Seriously people, this stuff tastes fantastic!! I am not joking, I love it!

I have entirely eliminated caffeine via diet soda for over a month now and only drink alkaline water (thanks Nancy), raw food juice, and almond milk. White sugar is a thing of the past and may not be a part of my future. Admittedly when your taste buds are accustomed to meat, pre-packaged, and fast foods, raw foods taste extremely strong. I actually cried a lot at first because the taste was so overwhelming. I am happy to report my tongue has become more accepting of new stronger flavors.

I have also eliminated all prescribed medications and only take in the herbs I need each day to heal my digestive track, my adrenal glands, my thyroid, my liver and kidneys, and other organs and systems. Through much prayer and meditation, I understand fully I am NEVER alone and healing will happen in time. Still it is difficult to never feel well. It is a trial to have constant pain, to feel fatigued and weak always, and to receive only temporary reprieves from headaches and migraines and the resulting nausea. It is a bit frustrating to experience trouble falling asleep, sleep restlessly, and wake hurting. I am so very ready to be well, and I believe I am doing all I can to become better. I will not falter and will not give my body what it does not need.

Now I am submitting to my Heavenly Father's will and am exercising all the patience I can muster. I am no martyr and am quite honest about the times I wish it could all be over. I am using all my prior knowledge about positive thinking, the power of attraction, and creative visualization. My heart is open in prayer, my dreams for a bright and abundant future are sure, my mind and eyes are open to the wonders of the Spirit, and my soul is in complete submission for the will of Father in Heaven.

I count my many blessings for the most wonderful husband on the planet, sorry girls he's all mine! I am thankful for the four best children and three most beautiful and hilarious granddaughters in the whole world! I am grateful for my two mothers and my many, selfless friends, who give to me in every way, spiritual and temporal!! I cannot fully express my deep feeling of love and thankfulness for Jesus Christ, His Atonement and Charity and Mercy! I have confidence in His plan for me and look forward to the future He has in store for me.

Luminous Beings Are We

2010-08-30T19:36:00.003-06:00

"Luminous beings are we; not just crude matter," Yoda profoundly stated to Luke Skywalker in Star Wars. It is complete truth. We are matter and energy at our core, everything is, but we are also so much more. I've learned much about how our bodies function at the fundamental levels, and I've learned about the difficulties that arise when they do not function properly. Mine falls under the second category. Let me list the symptoms I am enduring, not so gracefully, currently. Headaches top the list, with migraines being the most painful. Pain in my gut, which is accompanied by bloating and stabbing discomfort, is likely my second most debilitating complaint. The aches in my left shoulder and neck area keep me awake, feeling like I've just been struck my a frightened porcupine. The weakness and fatigue clog my muddy thoughts and prevent me from "getting up like a normal person." Near constant nausea ensures I stay prone, not upright and moving around. My skin itches constantly and awakens me if I am even able to fall asleep in the first place. Insomnia has stolen many hours of recuperative sleep my body so desperately needs. The fight or flight response regulated by my adrenal glands keeps me as far away from peace as I can be. My friend today advised me to eliminate the word "stress" from my vocabulary, but it is my reality, and I refuse to be unauthentic. The two precious kittens we have now have been the target of my irritability I experience everyday. Anxiety creeps up on me in unexpected moments and only my sweet, patient husband's humor or touch can calm me. Feeling unfocused and muddled have removed my love of reading from me because I cannot concentrate on the meaning of the words on the page. Occasional fear and despair overcome my thoughts because of the constant and never-ending assault of all I have mentioned above. One of the most fearful times is when I feel I cannot get enough air, like my body have forgotten how to use the oxygen in my breath. I find myself gasping for breath suddenly, especially when I am sleeping or watching TV. I feel I have been stripped of everything I can control. I have a mix of ailments, diseases, and complaints, and I cannot control what is happening in my body. I cannot use positive thinking to change what I am experiencing, though I have tried continually and will always continue to use positive thoughts and energy. I do not allow negative thoughts or negative energy to take root within me. It will be so until my dying breath. Nevertheless, what I am going through is real and profound and the most frightening experiences of my life. If the reader knows me at all, he or she will know that is a powerful statement. I am entirely in the hands of my loving, understanding, omnipotent, omniscient Father in Heaven. I am using all the knowledge I've acquired these last 20 years, exercising all the faith I can muster, and humbly giving myself over to his care and keeping. He is aware of my situation. I know Heavenly Beings attend me. For whatever reason I am to endure this, so it is my intention to endure it as patiently as I can. I have given over to moments when I have felt like it has become too much, when I have prayed for miraculous relief and healing, and when I have asked the burden be lifted. My prayers have been answered immediately with a wash of love, peace, and comfort cleansing my body of despair and fear. It is very scary for me to be so ill. I have been ill my entire life, but this is whole body systems failing me such that I often can't be sure I am to see the morning light. I do feel sure and feel confident that this will not end in my death, at least not in the foreseeable future. Under the optimum and best of circumstances, my recovery period will be 18 months (per my physician, Mayo Clinic web site, and the Holy Spirit). Quite unfortunately I am not living the optimum and the best of circumstances, but the opposite of that. Under the conditions under which I now found myself, recovery is not even a glimmer or hope of light in the darkest of tunnels. I pray so very often. My prayers are only answered with the love, peace, and comfort I have mentioned. One pray is that I can somehow miraculously receive help so that I can improve my present circumstances and found myself in a peaceful, quiet, hopeful, happy, joyful, and financially secure situation. The Spirit answers loudly and surely that my prayer will be answered in the way I imagine and dream, but I can never pin the Spirit down to confirm just when that will take place. I am so very happy that my circumstances will change to allow for the healing I so desperately need. I can't help but wonder if this is my Job, Joseph Smith, and Jesus Christ experience. Faith, trust, and confidence in Father in Heaven are the keys I need to the open the door to my bright future. I will become whole and healed through the Atonement of Jesus Christ. My weakness of being ill can and, I believe, will become a strength of a healthy and strong body. I cannot help but wonder if my answer is entirely dependent upon others following the Spirit's illogical prompting to help me, little ole nothing that I am. There will be no tax benefit to helping me increase my chance for a speedier recovery. I can tell you that my prayers are that the person(s) who do step forward to aid me will be blessed tenfold, hundredfold. I have had visions of my new life in the immediate future. I have seen my life (our lives-my husband and me) significantly improved so that I can receive the daily IV infusions I need. I am so ready and so desperate to step into my future filled with laughter once again. No man is an island unto himself. We are all connected on this planet. Your salvation is not at all connected to helping me, but your earthly state just may improve greatly??? There is pleading in my thoughts, which I must confess is humiliating. I wish I could do this for myself, but how? I do not see an answer. Please know we are luminous beings capable of the deepest love, devotion, concern, care, and giving. We are not just crude matter. We are magnificent intelligences filled with truth, light, and heavenly love.

Searching for generous souls!!

2010-08-23T16:26:00.003-06:00

I desperately need someone to run my thoughts passed. I just don't have the opportunity to share them face-to-face right now with anyone. Perhaps someone reading this would be best suited to answer my question based on your life experience. I simply CANNOT give up on this thought, wish, desire. I've had it for years, but now I need it more than ever, I believe.

My health has culminated into a mass of total systemic failures. This has been an ongoing, building, and lifelong set of problems. They all began with the nightmare that was my early life. I have overcome and forgiven and been healed (to a certain extent) of my emotional and spiritual scars. The physiological damage was begun and continued without my knowledge or participation. Meaning, patterns were set at such a young age within my "fight or flight" responses, that what I believe to be "normal" is actually within the "fight or flight" reaction. They are automatic, sub-conscious, and apparently outside my control.

I understand in deep and profound ways how the Atonement has applied to me. I love Christ for all He has done, is doing, and will continue to do in helping me in my unique situation. However, I have come to a stage in which now that "fight or flight" response cannot be shut off. That response comes from our Adrenal Glands, and the relief from that response comes from our endocrine system. Both are functioning in an "out of whack" way right now. Let me just say this: I cannot mentally control the stress hormones that are being released or the "fight or flight" response that I feel every minute of every day. It's a physical thing, not a mental or spiritual thing for me.

I am currently on such a strict diet that it is actually nearly a starvation diet. I'm under physician's care and am getting what I need to stay alive. The medications, herbs, vitamins and minerals I am administering is providing the basic needs for nutrition and actually performing the job of my under and over functioning endocrine system. My immune system is fighting nearly everything I ingest because my intestines are unable to thoroughly filter my food intake. So, my body is attacking itself.

Let me interrupt by saying how much I am in awe of our bodies. Yours must be in perfect concert within all your parts to be able to do as much as you do. I have learned so much about our bodies and how they ought to work as well as learning why we have "dis-ease" and illness when our bodies do not work as they should. It is so very crucial that each body part function is a precise manner, down to the energy and matter exchange outside and inside our cells. The next body part, organ, system, cell is counting on the fact that the previous body part, organ, system, cell has performed its duty exactly as designed. If not, the domino effect can be devastating and catastrophic.

I have felt my life-force slipping away several times this year, and I knew that I was very close to death at that point. I believe it was only prayer and faith that took me through those moments. I have spoken to a few others who have had similar experiences so that I am quite sure of how close I came during several difficult illnesses this year. I know that my body needs a long rest and recovery period. Everything my doctor has said, everything I've read on the subject, and everything within me tells me this rest is CRUCIAL to my full recovery.

I'm not sure I've 'SET UP' my question to you properly. This is a long, detailed, somewhat complicated situation I am in. I hope the spirit of what I am trying to say to you will be felt by you properly. Also know this. I am bed-bound at this point. I am weak and fatigued to the point that a short three minute activity has me reeling and needing to rest for hours afterward. I am writing this to you only because my very survival is dependent upon my conveying this to you precisely. Normally, I cannot use my brain for any communication. Phone calls are exhausting. Doing the apartment managerial duties is far outside my capacity. There is NO WAY I can work as an interpreter in a few short weeks.

I promise I am trying sincerely to approach this situation as though there is a solution. I do not believe I have fulfilled my purpose on earth. I also believe I am learning through this experience many deep and powerful lessons about my purpose and about Christ's suffering while on the earth.

--
Your friend,
Alicia

Top Ten Secrets About Me

2009-07-07T13:04:00.002-06:00

10. When I am feeling deeply connected to someone, I so want to touch his/her face with the palm of my hand.

9. I love kissing my loved ones in that little crook between the corner of the eye and the temple. It's perfectly form - fitting for my lips!

8. I wish people could say what is in our minds instead of censuring our thoughts constantly, but only if the words are positive, uplifting, or helpful. I have found when I am lovingly honest, people respond in a very positive way.

7. I really do believe I am correct about my thoughts on the last days, and I find it somewhat shocking when people don't believe me, especially those closest to me.

6. I am touched when I see people looking deeply into each other's eyes. I feel that's when we most reveal our humanness and are communicating spirit to spirit.

5. In the past I have overestimated my worth in other people's eyes. I have, thankfully, come to understand my own nothingness. However, even with my zero balance (and sometimes a negative balance), that added to Christ's infinite value equals an infinite value for me.

4. I am always looking for miracles, great or small. Many, mighty miracles take place every day.

3. I have incredible dreams and believe with my whole heart they will all come true.

2. I look for qualities in all people that I can love and then endeavor to focus on those positive qualities only. I want people to disregard my faults and flaws, so I will offer them the same consideration.

1. I am still passionately in love with my husband.

First, Frustration then Glory

2009-03-01T16:07:00.001-07:00

My physical body is a frustration to me and I may have caused it to be thus. So, I could extrapolate that to mean I am a frustration to myself. I am not the being yet I wish to be. I do not wish to meet my Maker until I can be closer to my goal, that is to have my spirit and mind match my actions and abilities.

I am exceedingly grateful for all things the Father has deemed appropriate to give me. Have you ever read Og Mandino, "The Greatest Gift of All (or something like that)?" I used to own it, but have somehow, along the way, lost it. It discusses our magnificent and miraculous body. I know it is a temple and should be treated with the utmost respect. Our society today and our daily choices have forgotten that ideal. We put pure garbage into it and expect magnificence from it. I have sinned in that way and am reeping the consequences of that choice. I curse my previous weakness and am living my penitence now. I realize it will require time to undo my misdeeds and to allow my body to heal properly.

Aargh...I am forced to wait for the result and forced to confront my weakness again and again! I weep as I think about the disgusting way I have neglected this perfect gift and do not pray for speed in its healing, wishing instead to feel every pain in an effort to be confronted constantly by my lack of awe and respect due my Creator. I have prayed half-heartedly for forgiveness mainly because I am not ready to forgive myself.

I know the Savior, in His infinite goodness and mercy, will forgive me instantly, for His grace is sufficient and full and perfect. I, in my lack of perfection, wish to be joined with Him, yoked to Him as a more refined being. I am capable of that. Please do not misunderstand, my dear friend, I am currently yoked to Him spiritually, emotionally, mentally.

So your question to me may be, then how do you consider yourself not joined to Him already? That is an excellent question, my smart friend! I guess the answer is that I am, yoked to Him, already. I cannot separate parts of myself, compartmentalize myself, which I so easily do. I have previously and whole-heartedly yoked myself to Him. He has already forgiven me, and I love Him more deeply for it!

I am not whole, not refined, not progressed sufficiently, not equal, not worthy in any way, yet He is all of those things and infinitely more!! Thus, by my being joined with Him, I have become those things. We cannot be yoked to a perfect (whole & complete) being without becoming that ourselves. Our finite and unworthy selves connected eternally to an Infinite and perfectly worthy Being results in our perfect, whole, & complete union of selves! How I love this plan of Happiness and Salvation!! How perfect it is!!

I feel instantaneously better. I sigh with regret because I am yet unworthy to feel so. I will not allow those pervasive unkind feelings toward myself to continue. I will instead accept His gift, His atonement with much gratitude and happiness! That is His plan. Anything less than that is the plan of the adversary, to keep me down. However, the Saviour's plan is to build us up. To make us equal to our spirits, the truth and light that is our core, and our origins from an perfect and Infinite Father and Mother. I will continue my current plan to purge my old ways from me. I will endeavor to make all parts of myself what I promised in the beginning. I will not see its fruition fully in this lifetime, but will have moved further and closer to my goal when I am able to meet my Creators in the flesh.

Thank you, friend, for helping me along today. I could not have done it without you and your, yet unknowing, encouragement sounding in my ears. I hear your voice clearly and will never reject your soft words of love and sweetness and purity. I pray someday soon I can repay all of you who have aided my sojourn here on this wonderful planet. My love for you is strong and sure and loyal. May God, our Father, bless us each today and always. May we remain grateful and happy and moving forward, progressing day by day until we all meet at some future point in some grand council, clasping hands and looking with confidence and knowing into one another's eyes. We all will endure and endure well this estate and look into the future with curiosity and confidence in our own abilities as well as in the consecrated ability of our Savior, our Redeemer, our Mediator and Friend, even Jesus Christ.

Kingdom In My Mind

2009-01-30T21:46:00.002-07:00

This will be an exercise of self reflection and may be uninteresting to a reader. That being said I will forge ahead. While listening to NPR this afternoon, I heard an old interview with Bruce Springsteen. I appreciated his honest and forthright approach to the reporter's attempts of digging deep into the Boss' psyche. He used a phrase "Kingdom in our own minds", which sparked an analogous look at my own view of myself. His perspective stated many people try to create their own kingdoms in their minds, where they set themselves up as the self-appointed king or queen. With no one else living in their own mind, they are safe from being deposed. I may be guilty of this. I may have created a safe place in a world, kingdom, where I am in control of all I survey. Ah, but here's the rub. I am not safe at all. Actually I have sunk into a state of dis-ease. My whole body is screaming at me for change. What I am doing is certainly not working. My arthritis pain is increasing. I have used the level of that pain as a barometer for how my life is working for 18 years now. There are other parts of my body which are in rebellion, refusing to perform in the way they were designed by an all-wise, all-knowing Father. I have resorted to using comfort food as my escape from these difficulties, rather than face them head on. The person I am in my mind bears little resemblance to the collection of cells that currently occupy the space within my skin. It is time to wake up as the scriptures positively scream at us. Nephi, in his infinite wisdom, so succinctly states in the "Psalm of Nephi", 2 Nephi 4:28 "Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. In verse 17, he writes, "Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities." I have been fooling myself, kidding myself, lying to myself. Believing that I am that queen, sitting upon a golden throne, high in the tallest turret safe and isolated, ruling a kingdom where I am the only subject is the lie I have created. In doing that I have sinned. I have become overweight and lazy. I, in no way, emulate the qualities that the queen possesses. I desire to become the best version of myself. I dream of that person and envision accomplishing and surpassing lofty goals. She is healthy, spiritually, emotionally, and physically strong, active, thoughtful, kind, and helpful. Her days are filled with righteous pursuits. I hate to use the following colloquialism, "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!" That is sad and uninventive, but it contains truth. I wonder if I am brave enough to depose the pretend queen and bring into being the person I long to become? I know how to effect the change necessary, that is not the question. It is instead contemplating if I am sick and tired enough to necessitate an about face to bring to pass a new and glorious life. The queen sitting on the throne believes so, but she's a fantasy. Stay tuned because, as they say, time will tell.

2009-01-03T16:23:00.004-07:00

I'm actually trembling right now watching the live coverage of the Israelis and Hamas in Gaza. I know many of the signs for the last days have already come to pass...if not most of them. Now I am, I have to say this word, fearful the timer has begun. Those who are anti-American and anti-Israeli (many of which are Americans themselves) will be actively choosing sides very, very soon. We are, I feel, watching the beginning stages of a worldwide conflict, which will have truly terrible consequences. Our faith will be tested to the ultimate limits, and we have to remain true and faithful as we observe the world become more and more wicked. I needed to type these words for my own wish to the universe and to those I love most and to all of my brothers and sisters that we stand strong and together and unified. We will need each other now more than ever before. May God bless the righteous and have mercy on the unrighteous.

I am now reading a truly remarkable, important book about the atonement of Jesus Christ. It is "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R. Callister. In the foreword penned by Robert L. Millet, he wrote, "Some things simply matter more than others. The Atonement is the central act of human history, the pivotal point in all time, the doctrine of doctrines." I have learned so very much from this work and hope to share some important points we all may need to focus on in the upcoming period of time. All the quoted sections are taken directly from this book.

"Elder Marion G. Romney [said] 'Jesus then went into the Garden of Gethsemane. There he suffered most. No man, nor set of men, nor all men put together, ever suffered what the Redeemer suffered in the garden.' What a doctrine! The composite suffering of all men of all ages, of all works does not surpass the Savior's suffering in the Garden. Elders McConkie and Talmage [believed] that the concluding events of the Savior's life suggest the trials of Gethsemane did in fact recur and even intensify on the cross. Elder Talmage believed the Savior literally died on the cross of a broken heart, suggesting this event was the culmination and conclusion of his mission. Perhaps this was the physical sequel to his bleeding from every pore. Not unmindful of the Savior's control over life and death, Elder Talmage gave this perspective: 'While, as stated in the text, the yielding up of life was voluntary on the part of Jesus Christ, for He had life in Himself and no man could take His life except as He willed to allow it to be taken, (John 1:4; 5:26; 10:15-18) there was of necessity a direct cause of dissolution...the strong, loud utterance, immediately following which He bowed His head and 'gave up the ghost,' when considered in connection with other recorded details, points to a physical rupture of the heart as the direct cause of death...Great mental stress, poignant emotion either of grief or joy, and intense spiritual struggle are among the recognized causes of heart rupture.'" (Talmage, Jesus the Christ, 668-69, emphasis added) as taken from (Callister, The Infinite Atonement, 117-156).

As we each may, and likely will, experience times of a true broken heart, great physical suffering, mental stress, poignant emotions, and intense spiritual struggle in the near future, we need to remember Christ suffered for us and knows our trials and hearts. He has felt each thought, word, and act that resulted in his suffering. He came as our Savior, not only an universal but also a personal atonement. We must remember to offer our own broken heart and contrite spirit and accept this greatest of all gifts that ever was, is, or will be!

God bless us, everyone!

The Snow Princess

2008-12-04T16:10:00.003-07:00

Dedicated to A. K. B., whose dream inspired this story.

The mourners, who hours before surrounded the heap of soil, had departed to their homes and laid upon their tear-soaked pillows. The bones of the young child were discovered nearly a year before and brought national attention to the small hamlet. The quiet town nestled against the auburns, greens, and russet browns of the magnificent mountainside.
A hiker noticed a bright glint out of a pile of newly dropped leaves. His curiosity had lead him to uncover a tiny, bleached skull. He hurriedly, yet gently, removed the remainder of the vegetation to reveal the perfect form of a long-departed, little spirit.
Though twelve months had passed since that day, no one had come forward to claim the child. The townspeople honored the little girl by using their own funds to ensure a proper and respectful burial. The name on the headstone read Naomi because, like the story of Ruth in the Old Testament, the tiny, forgotten girl had left her own people and become one of their own. She was spoken of in hushed, reverential, loving tones.
The grave, located in the morning shadow of the regal Manti Temple, was dedicated earlier in the day by the temple president. Members from all around the area came to say their final goodbye as the casket was lowered into the ground.
The snow began falling heavily by late afternoon and a blanket of white glistening snow, multi-colored foliage, and flower arrangements covered the small pile like a cotton, patchwork quilt. The light from the full moon and the reflection from the glowing temple gave life to the small pioneer cemetery. The trees, bowing from the weight of the snow, mimicked the mourner’s who had bowed their heads over the burial site during the light of the day.
Suddenly a whirlwind whipped up the snow, leaves, and flower petals in a slow, swirling motion, as if a young princess in a white flowing gown was spinning and twirling just above the grave. One could imagine little Naomi gleefully holding her dress out from her small human frame with a wreath a spring flowers haloing her beautiful face as she playfully turned in circles.
A herd of deer feeding nearby jerked their heads upward to be the only living souls to witness the miraculous display. A beam of light glowing from above seemed to reach downward as though a heavenly arm was extending to embrace the scene. The mixture of flowers and leaves and snow and soil spiraled heavenward to meet the light. The deer perked their ears to the sound of the rushing wind.
If the funeral attendees were still present, they would insist they could hear the tinkling of bells and the giggling of a small child echoing through the treetops. The light eased away and the wind stopped while the remnants of nature settled gently to the ground below. The snow continued to fall, the night became darker, and the deer went back to their dinner. A star shot across the sky in the shape of a smile.

The Last Goodbye

2008-11-18T20:25:00.003-07:00

The fog lay softly like a thick, warm, wool blanket across the expanse before us. “We only have three days,” I reminded myself silently. I could see each and every bone under the skin as I used my knuckles to grip the steering wheel with fervent intensity. At 2:15 a.m., Clyde slept next to me on the passenger seat of our Silver Taurus. His low, gentle breathing gave me permission to breathe as well. “We only have three days. It’s not enough time, but it was all we have.” I thought again. I became determined not to waste a single minute for sleep or to wait for the dense, soupy fog to lift. The day was Friday, March 9th, 2007. My son would marry his darling sweetheart the next day at the St. George Temple. Our plane home would leave the tarmac from Las Vegas on Monday. Time to spend with our kids was precious, and I wasn’t about to allow something like impenetrable fog to stand in my way. We promised to be in Ephraim, Utah, by mid morning; then we, as a family unit, would make the additional drive to Enoch, the home of my soon-to-be daughter-in-law.
So I had to keep driving. There was no choice in my mind about it. The fog hit suddenly without warning. The night was inky black. No moon and few stars to light our path. Just our headlights provided the necessary illumination to show the path before me. Now that we had driven into the fog, the headlights became a hindrance rather than a help. It felt as though I had unknowingly traversed into the deepest, darkest ocean. I imagined my car to be dolphin swimming alone far from the starry lights above. Now the fog had become a net, set to entrap and immobilize me. I would have none of it. “We only have three days!”
Deciding quickly I needed assistance, I uttered a strong and confident prayer, muttering, “Father, I have to focus on the road ahead. I cannot see. Please help me to not kill us so our family can be together for our three short days.” I closed in the Savior’s holy name, sure that an answer would come. Within one minute the first miracle took place. From the right in my peripheral vision, I noticed glimmering lights moving through the thick atmosphere. At first, my mind could not process what was there, having to completely focus on the pavement moving rapidly underneath the headlights. Small, red and orange lights appeared, which were stretched in a linear pattern.
Then, suddenly a large, gray mass entered the road in front of me. It was a semi adorned with track lights all over the trailer it hauled. A way had been provided; lights that I could now move my focus to and follow with assurance. I saw a huge humpback whale that had become entangled in glorious, colorful Christmas tree lights. I knew the dolphin would find its way through the murky, ensnaring blackness.
My breathing eased to a more, steady pattern, my fingers released some of the pressure off the steering wheel, and my shoulders returned to a more comfortable position. Thirty minutes later, the Christmas tree truck, as I had affectionately named it in my imagination, exited the freeway. My initial impulse was to follow behind, but my head shook of its own accord. I would keep moving forward, stopping only for fuel. I repeated that refrain again as I had the many hours prior, “We only have three days.” I stubbornly, yet assuredly knew help would come. I said goodbye to the beautiful, gray whale lit up like Christmas and thanked him for his help. A second later another semi pulled in front of our car. Another Christmas tree truck lit up in the identical pattern as its predecessor would shine in front of me, allowing me to continue my journey westward as safely as possible. This was the second miraculous answer to my earnest prayer and I gave thanks to Father in Heaven again.
After approximately 45 minutes, that Christmas tree truck turned on his right blinker, and I smiled. Could it happen again? Would I be so fortunate? I reflected quickly on my feelings and decided to remain on the road, moving forward. I looked to my right as if I already knew what would be there. I nearly forgot my second thanks and goodbye to the trucker who safely guided me the middle leg of my foggy journey. The third, identical Christmas tree truck entered the roadway and tears sprang to my eyes.
This was an amazing experience, and I was probably the only person on earth to witness what was happening. I could see Father smiling kindly, blinking his large eyes, and perhaps even chuckling a bit at my amazement. Within 20 minutes, the fog began to dissipate becoming less and less dense. Then it was gone. The roadway was black in front of me as the white dashes in the middle of the road reflected my headlights and became my new compass. I passed the trucker slowly, waving my hand and attempting to show my appreciation for his help amid the soupy darkness. He waved and smiled back at me, seeming to show he understood my feelings. I said my last goodbye.
Three earthly saviors had come just at the very moment I needed them most. Father had sent them, and I prayed they each would be blessed. As I had time to reflect on the previous couple of hours, I realized an important lesson for all of us. Heavenly Father may not remove the deep and assailing fogs that block or hinder our progress, but He can provide the light necessary to see our way through as we exercise our faith in Him.

Powerful Prayers

2008-11-10T20:40:00.001-07:00

I know I am coming late to the party, but I have made a discovery about prayer and that is there is power in it. I can see many heads nodding and even friends and family who are saying, “I have heard you bear testimony of this power many times!” That is true, but recently my prayers have lacked intensity and focus. I have actually prayed about praying, asking for help from on high. I have become somewhat puzzled about exactly how prayers function and why some seem to succeed and others not so much. I have just been voicing my gratitude, which is deep and sure. I have been avoiding asking for anything for some time, several months now. I have written about feeling my cup is overflowing and my heart is just filled with such thanksgiving. After many prayers wondering aloud and silently about the efficacy of prayer, I had a revelation.

I will back up to explain to those who may not know me well enough to understand that I do actually understand how prayers work. I know when I say the name “Heavenly Father”, His ears are immediately and instantly turned and tuned in to my voice or thoughts. I know he knows my hopes, desires, loves, plans, goals, etc. I also know that prayers are most effective when we are sincere, focused, grateful, and humble. I know we are utterly and completely dependent upon Jesus Christ and need to be in order to be truly converted. Elder Richard G. Scott says to be converted is to have love for all men and to have a fixed determination to live all the commandments of God. When we achieve this level of conversion, our prayers become more in tune with Heavenly Father’s will, and we do not ask for that which we ought not. In fact, when we do pray like that, Heavenly Father will grant us the things for which we have prayed.

Sorry to digress; it’s just that some people may question why I do not understand prayers. I have just discovered a new idea about prayer. That idea includes power, real, intense, effective power. When we pray in faith, we are actually creating power within the universe. We are the growers of that power. All power comes from Christ, who received all He has through the Father. The power is His; we simply grow it, make it more intense or purposeful, give it true direction, and magnify it or multiply it.

It follows the idea of glorifying Father in Heaven. We do that through our obedience. Imagine an invisible, long, golden cord tethered to us. All these shining, glimmering cords attach themselves to Christ. Christ has His own, which is tethered to Father. Through it personal revelation, answers to prayers, inspiration, and testimony flows from Heaven to us. When we are obedient, righteous, humble, long suffering, benevolent, faithful, kind, true, and loving, our cord becomes stronger and thicker. The more we act in these ways and grow our faith, glory is returned to our Savior and onto our Father along this golden cord. Resulting in Christ’s power intensifying and growing and glory is given.

Prayers follow this same thought process. If you can continue the imagery of the glorious, tethered cord, our prayers move upward and power is returned through the same means. If our prayers are truly in tune with the will of Father in Heaven, then our power to bring about the consequence we intend is magnified.

So as I was traveling to work early in the morning, I felt again the tendency to be unfocused, forgetting on the prayer I had begun. Instead I was imagining the day ahead and responsibilities and so forth. I wondered why my prayers were lacking the focus and intention and purpose I have experienced for many years. And then it came to me, like a flash of light. It is surely a duty of Satan and his minions to distract us and keep us from our prayers. They must realize full well the power that is created or generated by sincere, grateful, purposeful, and humble prayer. Consequently, I felt a renewed spirit of determination to not be distracted and detracted from my prayers, which are crucial to all of us.

I am not stating this is doctrine, but it feels true and good. I am enthusiastic to share any new discoveries I have with all those I love, know, and meet.

Deep Gratitude for Christ's Suffering

2008-11-10T16:57:00.000-07:00

An important dimension of a broken heart is our deep gratitude for Christ's suffering on our behalf. In Gethsemane, the Savior 'descended below all things' (D&C 88:6) as He bore the burden of sin for every human being. At Golgotha, He 'poured out his soul unto death' (Isaiah 53:12), and His great heart literally broke with an all encompassing love for the children of God. When we remember the Savior and His suffering, our hearts too will break in gratitude for the Anointed One."As we make the sacrifice to Him of all that we have and all that we are, the Lord will fill our hearts with peace. He will 'bind up the brokenhearted' (Isaiah 61:1) and grace our lives with the love of God, 'sweet above all that is sweet, . . . and pure above all that is pure' (Alma 32:42).
"Bruce D. Porter, "A Broken Heart and a Contrite Spirit," Ensign, Nov. 2007, 32

A Sunny Fall Walk

2008-11-08T18:24:00.000-07:00

Written 11/8/08
Sox sneaks out of our great big, perfectly good, fenced-in yard. To our multi-colored Cock-a-poo mix family dog, freedom is the ultimate plan. She wants so badly to roam free, sniff newly-discovered scents, and come dangerously close to dogs twice her size. We never know how she gets out; we definitely try to prevent it, but escape is her goal and, alas, we cannot prevent her escape. My husband is concerned about it and wants to scold her when she finally returns, hot and thirsty and satisfied. I, on the other hand, understand her need to break free, discover uncharted territory, and take in the resplendent colors of nature. Okay, a dog, who sees in black and white may not be so concerned about the resplendent colors of nature, so that may not apply directly to her. As I breathe in the crisp, fall air, I am filled with contentment and appreciation for this beautiful earth, which has been created for our benefit. Heavenly Father wants us to feel and experience joy in His creations. He could have chosen a dull, dark planet on which we would live, but instead He commissioned Christ to use the best of matter, to organize it into a wondrous place, and create a glorious and beautiful abode for His children. Isn’t that just like Him? It’s His purpose to give us His very best, at least the best we can currently imagine. I am quite sure greater designs are planned for us if we pass the tests and trials of this life.

I depart in the early afternoon to go in search of Sox, who I am sure would be enjoying a grand adventure. Almost immediately, I spot her as she hangs her head low, knowing she is not supposed to leave our great big, perfectly good, fenced-in yard. I kneel down on the grass and allow her to slink up to me. I attach her blue leash to her green collar, pat her head, and decide she needs to walk a bit more.

I need to be in nature, feel the cool breeze, smell the musky fall scents, and look up into the snow-capped mountain peaks. I would love to walk up into the mountains, but it would be quite a hike just to arrive at the foothills. So if I can just move in their direction, I can feel somewhat satisfied. All my life I have coveted a quiet place in nature to gather and organize my thoughts and to have conversations with my Father in Heaven. I walk directly to such a location today. I will not share exactly where I found it at this time, but, if pressed, will tell anyone searching for such a spot. I cannot selfishly guard it because it doesn’t belong to me at all. A clear mountain stream flows through the middle of the pasture. A well-built tree house and fort constructed by some creative children shade the area. The colors of emerald, jade, olive, russet, auburn, tan, and pallid white from the mountains beyond become a the perfect backdrop.

I sit and watch happily as Sox, released from her leash, sloshes through the cold, mountain spring water. As I study the craftsmanship of the construction of the tree house and attached fort, I speak aloud the thoughts that have been plaguing all morning. Absolutely sure I cannot be overheard, I give voice to the ideas that need to be cataloged and filed. Confident my words are reaching Heavenly ears, I smile with gratitude at my solitude and good will at securing a great prayer locality.

Finally I decide to venture on, moving east toward the mountainside and stride back into a fine neighborhood of people. Families are securing Christmas lights on rooftops. One man fulfilling that mission comments begrudgingly he is completing a task on his honey-do list. I walk alongside two men on horseback, one paint and one quarter horse. Of course, I’m speaking on a subject about which I know little. I ask one, "Is that a paint?" "Yes," he answers smiling. "I love paints." He replies, "They are beautiful, aren't they?" "And gentle," I add. The other gentleman asks, in facetious offense, “Don’t you like my horse?” “Of course” I laugh, “I love the black color on your horse.” They laugh either at their own joke or about my obvious lack of knowledge about the four-legged species. I smile and remember my good fortune to live in such a community. Neighbors’ friendly waves and warm greetings enter my heart, and I am filled with joy once more!

Writing Assignment II

2008-11-03T17:02:00.000-07:00

Topic: Why I write?
Some periods I can't help myself. I simply must write. Words flow out of me as though I were a river meeting with a cliff face and the sudden waterfall represents the words as they fall on the page. Other times the river is dammed; the water is cut off with no release, no path for the moving water. Likewise I feel no impetus to write as if the need has been removed, or I feel my words could benefit no one, so my desire to record my thoughts is squelched in the mountain spring stage.
When pressed, I can usually find a topic about which I could go on and on extrapolating each nuance and sub-thought to its desired fulfillment. I find such events occur either in letters or emails. I can utilize those moments for expressing feelings and desires as well as playing with language and words. Even text messages between me and my family and friends become catalysts for me and my playful adventure with linguistics.
I feel sure that the readers of such messages are taken aback and may even consider the writer to be a nitwit or loon. However, my need for written expression supersedes my worry of what others will think of me.
So, I write to express inner thoughts, desires, dreams, worries, and ideas. I require an outlet for such as I engage in creative language usage. Until recently I thought I could publish these as story ideas, but now I believe I can use my writing for personal enjoyment and for sharing with family and friends and future posterity.

Wriing Assignments

2008-11-03T16:35:00.000-07:00

I cannot believe I am doing this, but in my writing class we are encouraged to share (if we want) what we write with others. If any of us in the class plan to be published, we need to have no less than four proof-readers. Which means we need to share our writing with others. Breathe Breathe...I can do this!!

One of our first assignments was to write in class a quick story (meaning in about 10 - 15 minutes) given two topics. I needed to start with the subject of a "circus or carnival" and needed to end the story with the phrase "forever be a librarian." My initial thought was I don't care for carnivals and how would I get to "forever being a librarian." So I thought I should use my dislike for carnivals and capture that emotion somehow. The following is what I wrote within the time period.

"I grew up traveling every week to a new location. Staying three days, packing up, and moving on. I never made friends. People looked at my family as though we were less than or they did not look at us at all.
My mother and father died right after I was born in a drunk driving accident. In fact, that person responsible for their death had just come from the carnival, our carnival.
My brother and I did not attend school, but my uncle did the best he could to raise us. Our school lessons happened as he drove our camper from place to place. Uncle Pete gave us assignments each morning in Math, History, English. As we watched the outside world flash by, he would give us verbal quizzes about what he knew of each subject.
When we arrived in each new town, I would immediately inquire about where my brother and I could find the nearest library. My uncle would drop us off and go to set up the carnival. Meanwhile, I would get lost in whatever new adventure I could read about in the first book I grabbed from the shelf, knowing full well my time there would be limited.
Being away from the sights, sounds, and smells of the carnival - the very thing that took my parents from me - was what led me to forever being a librarian."

My Valley

2008-11-01T16:30:00.000-06:00

Written November 1, 2008. How I adore my valley! I've driven into it from the west, north, east, and south, during daylight and under inky black skies, with clouds low and hovering covering the mountain peaks, with the sun shining so brightly my eyes hurt, under a blanket of dark, stormy clouds at dusk, with rain falling on the west and east mountain ranges and the sun beaming into the valley below, and lit by a million stars above. Entering the valley is such a treat! Through the Nephi Canyon overshadowed by the massive Mount Nebo, a highway winds deep into the canyon's bottom. When you drive in the opposite way from the valley toward Mount Nebo, you literally cannot see the canyon. Your car drops slowly and subtly into the crevice between mountains. Pioneers died in that canyon, killed by Indians who jealously guarded their land. I first experienced this drive in winter, snow piled deep on all sides. As I am lifted from Nephi Canyon up into our Sanpete Valley, I lose my breath each time. As I arrive at the top of the hill and look down into the valley, the lights of six towns brightly reveal their presence. To the far right is Wales and next to it straight ahead is Fountain Green. Over to the far left is Mt. Pleasant and beyond is Moroni. Ephraim is a little further away and clearly the largest of the cities. Lastly Manti is made apparent by the glowing white Manti Temple. It shows just a fraction of an inch tall, but is the brightest object in the entire valley! My heart allways skips a beat as the temple comes into my view. I never had a clear understanding of mountains until I moved here. Only a select few are named. In our particular area only two have been given identification, Mount Nebo (the tallest mountain in sight) and Horseshoe Mountain, aptly named for its horseshoe appearance. This is an agricultural area, but unlike Illinois from where we hail, corn and soy beans are not the means of support here. Livestock are everywhere. Herds of cattle and sheep abound. Turkey buildings dot the landscape and even light up the night with strips of orange color from the heat and light inside. A turkey farmer told me Sanpete Valley houses a million turkeys. Horses are utilized as working animals herding the cattle and sheep up into and down out of the mountains. The old west is alive and well in this beautiful valley. The bi-annual sheep movement is amazing to behold. The bleeting white and black sheep are walked from the valley below up into the mountains and brought back down again. Boys are OHVs, barking and able sheep dogs, and men astride horses guide the herds to safety right on the city streets and down the highways. The old ways are still followed, while newer technologies are embraced. Deer and Elk walk freely along our highways and down the middle of our city streets. Last winter five deer fed in our yard as the snow-covered mountains just behind our home hid their sustenance. Just a few weeks ago hunting season began and gun shots could regularly be heard from our east mountains. I do not see as many rabbits and squirrels as I did in my Illinois yard, but I'm assured they abide here in abundance. I also have seen a lack of fowl compared to my life before. While I was quite accustomed to seeing bald eagles, hawks, owls, other birds of prey, bats, and all manner of smaller, lovely, colorful, and chirping songbirds, their numbers are hugely diminished here by comparison. The LDS faithful are humble, hard-working, stalwart, service-oriented in an open way here. They live righteously as a matter of course. Discussion of gospel principles can be and are conducted everywhere, in the check-out lines of Wal-mart, at breaks during work, across the fences with neighbors, and in the refreshment area of the local theater. Invitations to church activities are extended regularly and are, typically, received gladly with words of agreement by the recipient that going back to church is a personal goal. The activity that prevents most from living the ideals of the mostly LDS population is almost universally breaking of the word of wisdom, which is to say smoking cigarettes and/or drinking alcohol. Satan's control through the use of addiction is as alive and well in this area as in any other. The difference, as I view it at least, is the constant reminder of their previous church activation through church buidings, superb examples, and the media. A large number of church meetinghouses and 13 temples are found throughout Utah. The shining countenances of those who still embrace and live their church covenants must influence others to copy their examples. The unashamed media reports of church members preaching and teaching gospel principles are frequent. Finally, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints views on a variety of topics as well as church announcements are shown without censure or sneering comment. I am still surprised when on the daily television news I see reports of church activity with the Salt Lake Temple used as the backdrop. I heart thrills when I read "Mormon sections" of the area newspapers. I can be myself here without censure. I no longer need to compartmentalize my life, but can act freely without fear of causing offense or being criticized. Others from areas outside of Utah might counter they do not feel a need to censure themselves. I applaud you all for your courage and hope you would realize these are my own personal feelings and do not believe they are universally true for all people. The mountains encircle this valley on all sides. It is true that the mountain ranges run north and south, but they are not exact. They curve in and out forming safe coves as if a loving mother was extending her arms around her huge brood of children. Driving is dangerous for me here. I find it incredibly difficult not to stare to my right or left at the magnificence all around me. Mountains are enormous, breath-takingly beautiful creations! I love the way light from the sun plays in the folds. I eagerly search for which exact cloud is casting a gigantic shadow on the each rise and fall of each individual mountain. I gaze at the deep hues of greens and browns. I had to go in search for the cause of the reds that suddenly appeared this fall. As you climb higher winding back and forth lifting to ever-increasing elevations the flora changes. The aspen trees begin about 8,000 feet. Their leaves jingle in the wind as though thousands of bells grow from the branches. I sincerely desire and hope the love I feel for my new home is felt by any who read this account. If you, in turn, feel a desire to visit, you are welcome here anytime.

Shirley's Writing Class

2008-11-01T15:51:00.000-06:00

Written 11/1/08. I have joined a writing class with the highly acclaimed LDS writer, Shirley Bahlman of Ephraim, Utah. This past summer my wonderful husband, Clyde, and I were called to help with the costumes for the Mormon Miracle Pageant. While there one evening, we met Shirley, who played an Nephite in the Christ in America scenes. We were just conversing when she mentioned she would be holding a writing class beginning in the fall. We had lived in Utah for just six months and had experienced so many wonderful mind-blowing experiences. And then, out of the blue, an opportunity of a lifetime, for me anyway, just presented itself! My secret wish I have maintained my whole life was to write and be published. Suddenly and quite unexpectantly, we met a published author who through a regular conversation stated she would be holding a class! Shirley, surely (haha), had no idea of my intense lifelong desire, but Father in Heaven knew. He put me in that particular place, behind the scenes of the Manti Pageant, at that particular time when Shirley would be there and He inspired her to mention her writing class. Later that evening when I had time to reflect on the many blessings that had come our way since our move, I began to cry. My good new friend, Julie Poulsen, noticed that I was crying and walked over, put her arm around my shoulder and quietly asked what was the matter. I responded with a twenty minute long speech about my deep and sincere gratitude for my Savior and for our Father, who gives and gives and gives even when we feel so unworthy of such gifts. I expressed to her through my tears all that I was feeling. How I loved this area so very much! How humbled I felt sitting in the shadow of the Jewel of the Church, the Manti Temple! How aware I became of the sacrifices of the pioneers who sacrificed all, including their lives, to settle this area! How the people here were wonderful examples of becoming a people of Zion! How being near my family for the pregnancy of the daughter-in-law, the birth of my first granddaughter, the preparation for and the marriage of my only daughter could not have been experienced without a move made possible by Father in Heaven! How I treasured all the precious memories of the many gatherings we've had since our move with those I love the most in this world! How my friendship with Tom O. was such a complete surprise, but had developed into one of the most important of my life! How I loved her and her family and that she shone as a bright example for me! Words tumbled out of me with such force and intensity. It all started because I knew Father in Heaven was aware of me and of my dreams and desires and was providing an opportunity for me to realize one of them through Shirley's writing class!

2008-09-25T16:17:00.000-06:00

The Holy Spirit of Promise Posted: 25 Sep 2008

"The Holy Spirit of Promise is the ratifying power of the Holy Ghost. When sealed by the Holy Spirit of Promise, an ordinance, vow, or covenant is binding on earth and in heaven. (See D&C 132:7.) Receiving this 'stamp of approval' from the Holy Ghost is the result of faithfulness, integrity, and steadfastness in honoring gospel covenants 'in [the] process of time' (Moses: 7:21). However, this sealing can be forfeited through unrighteousness and transgression."Purifying and sealing by the Holy Spirit of Promise constitute the culminating steps in the process of being born again.

"David A. Bednar, "Ye Must Be Born Again," Ensign, May 2007, 22

SEEKING PEACE: The Book Chapter Two

2008-09-05T20:47:00.000-06:00

I am called to Him, to Father. I understand it is my time to learn what I am to do while on earth. There are so many of us, brothers & sisters, and yet He talks to each one of us privately. I treasure my alone time with Father. Time will be introduced soon to me. We see all our life at once here, not chronologically as we will on earth. I wonder how it will feel to have precious time with those I love passing, moving more and more quickly. Father gently and solemnly puts His powerful hands on my shoulders (huh…as my earthly grandfather will one day). He tenderly and lovingly looks into my eyes. He is ready to show me what is to come as well as what may come if I live up to the many challenges. To my intense surprise, I shudder as I watch my life flooding into my view. Before entering this grand and beautiful room, I had discussed with some of my closest brothers and sisters our various, anticipated assignments. We all believed assuredly we would be ready, up to the task, and able to fulfill all that will be required of us. As I begin to comprehend my mission, I begin to question my ability. I look fearfully into my Father's eyes. He communicates instantly all the knowledge I will require to complete my assignment on earth. I smile as I understand I must succeed. I must not fail. I have an important work to do. If I do not accomplish all that I am sent to do, my life would have been a waste at His, my Savior's second coming. I feel at peace about accepting my assignment. "I can do it, Father", I hear myself say. I will do it. I am confident, ready to face any challenge. I leave Him, knowing I will not see Him again until I have finished my work upon the earth. I turn one last time to gaze upon His glorious face, His soft & able countenance. He smiles back at me & I hear in my mind His reassuring words, "You have an important work to do, but you will never be alone." I somehow know that to be true.
(I WILL BE ADDING MORE TO THIS SECTION)

I am now almost 100 in earth years. I lived much longer in the first estate, but I feel my age here. I have many memories and experiences that fill my mind. I have anguished here. I have plead many times for guidance, help, and rescue. I have asked many times that the cup pass from my lips. I have felt again and again unable to complete the task for which I was sent. I have known always that I had an important work to do. I also have known I was never alone, even in my darkest moments. I have cried, begged, and gazed heavenward for relief. I had not received the rescue I had envisioned, but I have felt each time that I was not alone. I longed to hear a voice, His voice, my Heavenly Father’s voice to speak to me. Sometimes I think I have heard it, but not with my earthly ears, but rather with my spiritual ears. I have felt moments of peace, which was fleeting in my younger years, but has been my constant companion for over half my earth life. Regardless, I often felt anxious, uneasy, tormented, misunderstood, useless, helpless, worthless, insignificant, inconsequential, and ignorable. I am wondering if I have fulfilled my purpose yet. I do not remember my exact assignment as the veil covered my view of the last time I spoke with Heavenly Father. I feel sure I did not feel equal to the task. I did not feel ready, but I felt something inside of me, a divine inner nature, that spurred me on again and again. I needed to accomplish this task for which I was sent. I pushed forward though it was extremely difficult at times. A crucial part of doing so involved going someplace holy and separate from the world to clear my mind of all distractions and to gain access to what is buried deep inside of me. I sought to find the peace that already existed there. I sought pure knowledge and truth in quiet moments. I grasped at the perfect idea that I was and am truth & light. I am intelligence. I had the power to find it within myself. I needed to fulfill my purpose and allow others to do the same. The question that will be posed to me very soon is "Hast thou fulfilled and magnified your second estate?" How will I answer?

Several of my favorite saved emails

2008-09-05T20:13:00.000-06:00

Subject: Words Women Use
FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments.
FIVE MINUTES
This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.
NOTHING
This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine"
GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows)
This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine"
GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows)This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care" You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.
LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
SOFT SIGH
Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.
THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow.
GO AHEAD
At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.
PLEASE DO
This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay"
THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome.
THANKS A LOT
This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing"

Send this to the men you know to warn them about future arguments they can avoid if they remember the terminology. And send it to your women friends to give them a good laugh!

Second One:
Sometimes we wonder, "What did I do to deserve this," or "Why did God have to do this to me." Here is a wonderful explanation!
A daughter is telling her Mother how everything is going wrong, she's failing algebra, her boyfriend broke up with her and her best friend is moving away.
Meanwhile, her Mother is baking a cake and asks her daughter if she would like a snack, and the daughter says, "Absolutely Mom, I love your cake."
"Here, have some cooking oil," her Mother offers. "Yuck" says her daughter. "How about a couple raw eggs?" "Gross, Mom!" "Would you like some flour then? Or maybe baking soda?" "Mom, those are all yucky!"
To which the mother replies: "Yes, all those things seem bad all by themselves. But when they are put together in the right way, they make a wonderfully delicious cake! God works the same way. Many times we wonder why He would let us go through such bad and difficult times. But God knows that when He puts these things all in His order, they always work for good! We just have to trust Him and, eventually, they will all make something wonderful!
God is crazy about you. He sends you flowers every spring and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen. He can live anywhere in the universe, and He chose your heart. If you like, send this on to the people you really care about. I did.
I hope your day is a "piece of cake."

Third One:
Subject: SATANS TRAP
Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said, "We can't keep Christians from going to church." "We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing thetruth." "We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their savior." "Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken." "So let them go to their churches; let them have their covered dish dinners, but steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ." "This is what I want you to do", said the devil: "Distract them from gaining hold of their Savior and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!" "How shall we do this?" his demons shouted.""Keep them busy in the nonessentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered. "Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow." "Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles.""Keep them from spending time with their children." "As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!" "Over stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice.""Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive." "To keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly." "This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ.""Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers." "Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day." "Invade their driving moments with billboards." "Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes.""Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives." "Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night." "Give them headaches too!" "If they don't givetheir husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere." "That will fragment their families quickly!""Give them Santa Claus to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning of Christmas." "Give them an Easter bunny so they won't talk about his resurrection and power over sin and death." "Even in their recreation, let them be excessive." "Have them return from their recreation exhausted." "Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation." "Send them to amusement parks, sporting events plays, concerts, and movies instead." "Keep them busy,busy, busy!" "And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences.""Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus." "Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause.""It will work!" "It will work!"It was quite a plan! The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get more busy and more rushed, going here and there. Having little timefor their God or their families. Having no time to tell others about the power of Jesus to change lives. I guess the question is, has the devil been successful at his scheme?
You be the judge! Does "busy" mean: B-eing U-nder S-atan's Y-oke?

WHY I GO TO CHURCH

2008-09-05T20:00:00.000-06:00

This was sent to me from a friend through email. I thought whoever wrote this was inside my brain when he or she did it. So I say ditto to the following:

http://www.2ofus4now.org/Article.asp?ArticleID=444Why I Go To Church

I go because I made covenants with my Heavenly Father to keep the commandments, and to consecrate myself to the church. I have the opportunity to repent and renew my covenants every week by taking the sacrament. Of all people, I certainly need that each week!

I go because I want to be worthy to attend the temple. I can't imagine going through my trials without having access to the temple. Also, if I have an eternal marriage I have access to an eternal posterity and potential, which gives dimension and depth to our earthly marriage. An eternal perspective makes earthly problems less heavy.

I go because I have received the gift of the Holy Ghost as my constant companion, and I don't want to lose that gift. I can't afford to lose that source of guidance and comfort when dealing with such a significant trial as this. I go because the church is for everyone. Jesus said that. The prophets have said that. I believe them. I'm not going to let an imperfect person in the ward make me believe differently.

I go because President Monson said the church needs each of its members. That means the church needs me. The Lord needs me. The members of our ward need me. Just think if Sheri Dew decided it wasn't worth dealing with the pain of being a single person at church every week! What if Ardeth Kapp decided it just wasn't worth going because it was too hard to deal with our differences?

I go because I have come to realize that everyone comes with something lacking. The person sitting next to me might have children, but maybe her marriage is in trouble. Or her husband just lost his job. Or her mother is terminally ill. Or she was abused as a child. Or her oldest child is rebellious. Or her youngest child has a serious health problem. Or she is struggling to make a blended family work. Or she is trying to overcome a personal weakness that only she knows about. Or she is suffering from post-partum depression and is too embarrassed to tell anyone about it. Or she is overwhelmed and thinks everyone else can do it all. Who knows? We shouldn't assume that everyone else has a perfect life and we are the only ones who got shortchanged. Instead, what if we approached each other with a desire to understand and serve one another?

I go because it is my responsibility to make friends in the ward, and not to wait for others to approach me. I will never forget the woman who spoke in church years ago about coming to a new ward for the first time and thinking it was SO unfriendly. She sat between two women, neither of whom even said 'hello' to her. As it turned out, one was a first-time visitor to the church, and the other was also a new member. Suddenly she realized that she should have been the one to reach out.

I go, even if someone is offensive toward me. With offensive behavior, it is always better to receive than to give. The problem lies with the offender, not the offendee. Why should I let someone else's lack of charity cause me to deprive myself of needed blessings?

I go because it is an opportunity to help us all learn about one another in a positive way. The more I have done that, the more support and understanding I have had from those around me. I go because I am a unique individual who may be uniquely able to touch the life of someone else who is there. We never know who will be affected by our testimonies, shared in a way that only we can.

I go because I am thankful for what I have. The gospel is something that not everyone has in their lives. No, I don't have everything I want, but I do have much to be thankful for, including the gospel in my life. If I don't receive that gift with gratitude and enthusiasm, how can I ask for other precious gifts from the Lord?

I go because I believe in the parable of the talents. Maybe I didn't get the same talents as the person next to me, but that doesn't mean I should bury mine in the ground. I want to use the life I have been given in the most meaningful way possible, so that I fill the measure of my creation. I go because I want my children to go. I want to build habits that will make me the best parent possible.

I go because my eternal salvation is between me and the Lord. I love Heavenly Father and I trust him to take care of my needs. He has asked me to participate in his church, and I told him I would. It's not about going and socializing with people. It's not about being the most popular person in the ward. It's about my personal relationship with Heavenly Father, and my personal statement of love and trust in him by trying to do what has been asked of me.

I go because I know that my trials will not last forever, but my spirit will. Therefore, which should I focus on and nurture? For those who struggle with this, again, please do not take this as criticism or condemnation or 'holier than thou' speech. I realize that I do not walk in your shoes. This is simply my personal testimony of why choosing activity in the church is so important to me. Many of us have heavy burdens, and I hope that everyone will find their own way to lighten their burdens through the blessings offered by the gospel.

Message to my friends

2008-09-05T19:01:00.000-06:00

September 5, 2008
So many of you definitely brought your "A-game" to this world and your life! You are passionate and fun-loving, and you give your whole being and live in each moment to its fullest. I am so very delighted to know you and want somehow to give back to you and use your example and give forward as well. I have lived a small life, important and meaningful, but small. Many of you have lived and are living a large life, important and meaningful and large. It's a little strange to me, if I may confess something personal to you, that when I was little I envisioned that I would live a large life. Either I have made choices that caused me to be on a different tract and Heavenly Father has helped me make the best of it, or those visions were just a survival technique for me back then. I have now made friends, I hope, with people who have lived such a big life and shared their lives with me, through small ways, and I am made better for it!! You are incredible and such an inspiration. I heard one time from someone (can't remember who now) that we will be asked four questions on judgement day and they are: What have you given to your family? What have you given to your community? What have you given to your country? What have you given to your world? Whether it is true or not, I really like the questions a lot. I think sometimes that I'd like to be a fly on the wall during that interview with people who have lived a large life because their answers will be so interesting! Well...you take care and know I feel privileged to know you!!

What is my purpose?

2008-09-05T18:05:00.000-06:00

Originally written May 12, 2008

I need to talk privately, in a very public way. I am feeling a little lost lately. Let me preface it by saying my life is amazing; I am so happy! I have most everything I've ever wanted in life. With that said, life is confusing sometimes. I am afraid this may be rambling because I haven't formulated my thoughts, meaning I have all these thoughts that I am trying to find answers inside. First I guess I'm glad to know I have friends who truly know me & can maybe use the gift of discernment to make sense of what will follow. I found many times my way of thinking seems to be vastly different than most everyone I know. I look for answers & promptings & messages everywhere. I have a belief that we are almost always not alone. I'm unsure if it is The Holy Spirit or one/several spirits "assigned" to me, but I feel its presence a lot & even "see" assurance of that fact. I have just been exposed to too much from the other side of the veil. I've had way too many "experiences"...sacred & public alike to believe I'm not being "led" to something or some end. Recently I have had someone I trust share with me something most sacred...something most members know will be coming; however this "thing" has already come, but only revealed to a select few. Not Christ, but something else. Anyway, I share that with you to let you know how strongly I believe I have some purpose. That is my point...I cannot figure out my greater purpose.

I was listening to Sheri Dew's book on CD "And God Wants a Powerful People". She said Heavenly Father knows four things that we need to know:
1. Who we are?
2. Where we are?
3. What is our purpose?
4. What we need to accomplish that purpose?

I guess I'm confused about all four points.

Who am I? Daughter of God, Alicia, Wife, Mother, Grandmother, friend, daughter, church member, temple attender, family history searcher, follower of Christ, appreciater of the Atonement, Scripture Searcher & Feaster, avid reader, pursuer of the mysteries of God, interpreter. I guess that sums up what I think of myself...where my heart is leaning is who I believe I am. Is that what I truly am? Am I more? Am I missing something?

Earlier this year I was in RS. We were discussing the Gifts of the Spirit lesson in the JS Manual. I hesitated but finally added that I am given the gift of interpretation of tongues for my interpreting in church. That I feel a clear & distinct difference when I have that gift & interpret & when I don't & TRY to interpret. Well later in that class...several women said something that struck me & wounded me some. They said people should receive their gifts privately & not discuss them. I just couldn't disagree more.

I mean it is important to be truly humble & believe it has almost nothing to do with us as individuals who receive the gift, but understand that God has a purpose to fulfill. When we know He gives us the gift to fulfill that purpose, we become an instrument that He uses. Then if we are faithful & humble, He can use us whenever He sees fit. I believe so strongly in the Power of God & believe He not only wants us to figure out how to access that Power, but needs us to do so to fulfill He purposes!!! We have been Called then Qualified for the purpose, not qualified then called. Do you understand??? I am afraid some members (who are completely awesome & humble & true disciples of Christ & serve Him faithfully continually) are confusing their perspective which may be cultural or traditional instead of, perhaps, understanding God's expectations.

I know there is a danger of someone receiving a spiritual gift, then becoming prideful. I, however, believe that we need to be edified & uplifted by sharing with each other (in sacred settings like RS meetings) the amazing things God can do & what He does do. I sure hope you are following. I have had serious problems with people understanding me in the past.

Okay, second question is where am I? I am in Utah. I am in the very last days. I am progressing in the gospel, but feel I may be missing something serious I should be understanding or "seeing" or feeling. I am employed. I know I need to earn money. I am not completely prepared. I need to have food storage and have all the necessary preparedness items for our family!! Time is passing & is almost passed for time to get it. It will be soon that we will need to use it. I know this & I know I need to be getting this together. We do not have the money without my extra income to buy all that we will need, all that everyone needs.

Third is what is my purpose? I understand my purpose thus far as: helping my family in whatever capacity, being an influence for good within my sphere of influence, serving my fellow beings, being a savior on Mt. Zion, assisting the work to build up Zion, helping to establish the Kingdom of God on the earth, perfecting the Saints, and there is more, but I just don't know what it is at this time...thus the confused feelings. So much of the time, I feel like people look at me as though I have three heads, which hinders my progress in these areas.

Fourth what I need to accomplish my purpose? Time, Willingness, Knowledge, Faith, Belief, and some way to reach people in which I could do some good. Well...that is quite a bit for now. I could go on, but I will stop for now. I need to think, which hasn't helped me thus far, but feel I am missing something...it is really bugging me...something just under the surface...some gnawing feeling...something in the pit of my stomach....I would pace if I felt like it would help...it is really there & I just can't see it!!

Revelation and Preparedness

2008-09-04T21:13:00.000-06:00

January 21, 2007

I have a great interest in the United Kingdom, particularly England and Scotland. I think it’s because so many of my ancestors lived there. I love the age of the country. While the US is relatively young with the current civilization barely 400 years old, the UK is at least 1,000 years old and perhaps much, much older. Some of the buildings there are centuries old. So many have endured the centuries well, while other structures of the same time period have partially fallen or have just left hints of their previous life. So I have occasion to wonder why some magnificent edifices still stand just as grand as when they were erected. I also consider why others have fallen to the earth, or just leave one wall or a chimney to declare their once noble purpose.
What was the reason for their permanence, their decline, or their fall? What lessons can be gleaned from such thoughts? What parallels can be drawn from their existence and ours? What if we (as humans) were the buildings in this analogy? Then, what or who could be represented as the building’s foundation? Could it be that the buildings that still stand are on firmer foundations? And those that have fallen were not? We might be able to draw further conclusions as well. The buildings that have withstood the ravages of time may have been cared for continuously, and those that are now ruins have been abandoned at one time.
I’ve heard the phrase many times, “all things testify of Jesus Christ.” If we are the buildings, then it must be said that Christ is our foundation. So how do we make Christ our foundation? With the theme for this month the “Word of God”, it is fitting that we can make Christ our foundation by reading and studying the word of God and making the things we learned a part of who we are, who we become.
We have had several occasions this winter to, perhaps, discuss within our families just how prepared we are for disasters now and for the times ahead. How grounded is our foundation? Have we heeded the words of Christ to prepare now? Have we heeded the words of the prophets to be prepared for whatever conditions may appear in our lives? Isaiah 66:5 says, “Hear the word of the LORD, ye that tremble at his word.” When I read this, I took it to mean that I treat it seriously, not with an apathetic attitude, or not with a yea, yea, I’ll get to that someday reaction. Of course we can learn line upon line, precept upon precept. We can do a little at a time, I get that and I do that. I think it’s about doing something. Proving ourselves, that we are listening and heeding His words.
I love the words of Alma in chapter 26, verses 8 – 13: Blessed be the name of our God; let us sing to his praise, yea, let us give thanks to his holy name, for he doth work righteousness forever. Ammon said: I do not boast in my own strength, nor in my own wisdom; but behold, my joy is full, yea, my heart is brim with joy, and I will rejoice in my God. Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever. Behold, how many thousands of our brethren has he loosed from the pains of hell; and they are brought to sing redeeming love, and this because of the power of his word which is in us, therefore have we not great reason to rejoice?
Ammon rejoices in the words of God and in the power of His words. There is great power in His words. Ammon reminds us that many mighty miracles can happen when he heed His words and the words of all the prophets. Because we are currently studying President Spencer W. Kimball, I have taken portions of his teachings for portions of this talk. From the life of Spencer W. Kimball, we are counseled to be prepared. D & C 38:30 reads, “If ye are prepared, ye shall not fear.” President Kimball warned us to “practice the principles of personal and family preparedness in our daily lives, and preparedness, when properly pursued, is a way of life, not a sudden, spectacular program.” I found that quote interesting. He said to practice this in our daily lives. He didn’t say to do it in starts and stops. For me I thought of it in athletic terms. Becoming prepared is not a sprint, but a marathon. We might all if needed sprint a far distance. Say if we are being chased by a snake or bear, we might run pretty fast for a short distance. But if we had to run a marathon tomorrow, how many of us could do that? We would need proper training and a special diet and a very particular mindset. The same could be said for being prepared. We need to be ready to live without the daily “necessities” or with much less. We may need to live on a specific diet. And we will definitely need to have the mindset to endure short or long term survival, maintaining our level of faith and gratitude.
After passing this test of being prepared and having lived it righteously and gratefully Alma promises in 32:42 “And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the word in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this fruit even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst. Then, my brethren, ye shall reap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, waiting for the tree to bring forth fruit unto you.” So for me this means after heeding the words to be prepared, we’re not just blessed with many mighty miracles, which will likely help us to survive, we’re also blessed with this fruit, which is the love of God and life with Him eternally.
President Kimball explains how we prepare daily. He said, “We have placed considerable emphasis on personal and family preparedness. I hope that each member of the Church is responding appropriately to this direction. I also hope that we are understanding and accentuating the positive and not the negative. I like the way the Relief Society teaches personal and family preparedness as “provident living.” This implies the prudent managing of our resources, the wise planning of financial matters, full provision for personal health, and adequate preparation for education and career development, giving appropriate attention to home [food] production and storage as well as the development of emotional resiliency.” He goes on to say, “The Lord has urged that His people save for the rainy days, prepare for the difficult times, and put away for emergencies, a year’s supply or more of bare necessities so that when comes the flood, the earthquake, the famine, the hurricane, the [ice] storms of life, our families can be sustained through the dark days.”
He scolds in a way by saying, “We encourage families to have on hand this year’s supply; and we say it over and over and over and repeat over and over the scripture of the Lord where he says, “Why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the thing which I say?” {Luke 6:46.] How empty it is as they put their spirituality, so-called, into action and call Him by important names, but fail to do the things which he says.”
So, I didn’t want to just talk about these things without also giving you the words of counsel by our General Authorities and others who can help us make these things a reality. A talk given by Pam Taylor, “Taking the Bite Out of Food Storage,” Ensign, Mar. 1992, 72 gives us a four-step program to follow for beginning our food storage.
Step 1: Learn the basics of home storage. Doing so will save you time, money, and effort. An excellent primer is Essentials of Home Production & Storage (booklet, 1978), available at Church distribution centers.
Step 2: Acquire an emergency supply of life-sustaining foods and water and store them properly. (See Ensign, June 1989, pp. 39–42, for details.)
Step 3: Build up your storage gradually. It’s amazing how fast storage shelves can fill up when you buy commodities in double quantities—for example, one can of beans for regular use, the other for storage. I buy some sale items in quantities to cut costs and to add a variety of familiar foods to my storage. Bulk buying is a money-saver too, and you can get even better deals by sharing the cost with someone else and buying larger quantities. Be sure to check the expiration dates on bulk items so they won’t spoil before use.
Step 4: Eat what you store. You can become ill by eating foods you’re not used to eating. Give your body time to adjust to storage foods by supplementing your regular diet with recipes your families like.
Another aspect of being prepared involves helping and assisting one another. In the May 2005 Ensign, President Hinckley had this to say, “Those in need are expected to do all they can to provide for themselves. Then families are expected to assist in taking care of their less-fortunate members. And then the resources of the Church are made available. We believe in and take very seriously the words of our Lord: “Come, ye blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world: For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in: Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me” (Matt. 25:34–36). This is the Lord’s way of caring for those in need which, He declared, “ye have … always with you” (see Matt. 26:11). Those who are able voluntarily work to provide for those who are not able. “
As we are preparing our Branch’s Emergency Response Plan, I know we all realize that we will need to respond. I have witnessed this giving spirit again and again. As we are personally preparing, I know many people agree that we need to think of those we may need to help during times of crisis and disaster. We will surely be called upon to share what little we may have with others who are not prepared at all, even with those who have been warned and have not heeded the warning. Even with those who live the worldly philosophy to eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow we die. I think those individuals may not be running to death as they may so easily say, but will instead be fleeing from it, doing anything to survive. In Matthew’s account of Christ’s words, he said just that. It doesn’t matter during these times of emergency why people are hungry, thirsty, naked, sick and imprisoned. It only matters that we help them. It seems to me that we could so easily be in that position of begging for help, but for the grace and mercy of God, we have been warned and have acted. It is also important to remember we are all beggars, and we are only saved by the Atonement of Jesus Christ. We have already been bought with a price.
1 Nephi 15:24 And I said unto them that it was the word of God; and whoso would hearken unto the word of God, and would hold fast unto it, they would never perish; neither could the temptations and the fiery darts of the adversary overpower them unto blindness, to lead them away to destruction.
We can use this verse as we ponder our preparedness. As we hearken unto the word of God and become prepared, then hold fast to our faith in Christ, we will not become separated from Him. We will also not be tempted to follow the blind, those not knowing what to do in those times, but will instead be following the wise, who have told us exactly what to do. In that case, we will not be lead to destruction, but toward life eternal.
To go back to my initial analogy. Which house will we inhabit, figuratively speaking? Is our foundation sure? Are we ready to withstand whatsoever may come our way? Are we prepared personally, spiritually, emotionally, temporally? Are we ready for the situations ahead? If we are doing our best, doing all we can to be prepared in all these ways, we are prepared. We are ready. We have one another to help become prepared and to help during those times ahead. We also have Jesus Christ, His gospel, His words, His foundation for which I am most grateful. Alma 37:44 For behold, it is as easy to give heed to the word of Christ, which will point to you a straight course to eternal bliss.

And I leave these thoughts with you in His name, even our Lord, Jesus Christ. Amen

My Yoke is Easy and My Burden is Light

2008-09-04T21:10:00.001-06:00

Compiled from Ensign Magazine articles and my own thoughts, originally written on November 29, 2003

When I was a little girl, I had a lot of problems. Physically, I experienced strange ailments, such as boils and sties. I wouldn’t have just one sty on my eye, I would get ten on one eye, and the next week, have eight on the other. I felt the pain of having seventeen boils under one arm and thirteen under the other. Both those would remain in my life for a week or so. Blinking, moving, breathing brought further pain. I had an odd situation w/ my stomach. Doctors were never able to diagnose what was the cause, but I had this gnawing, growling sensation in my stomach. Everyone could hear it and it was quite painful. I have memories of writhing on my bed, doubled over in agony. At the age of eight, I developed psoriasis on my elbows and knees, which made bending those joints quite painful. All of those things were visible or audible to everyone around me. So I suffered emotionally as my peers laughed, made fun, and jeered me continually. If I had tonsillitis once, I had it twenty times. I experienced many of the childhood illnesses, such as mumps and chicken pox. I remember having this recurring wish. I would wish that I could have all my lifetime illnesses, problems, and injuries in one day. I would imagine that I could survive one day of every single thing that would happen to me in my entire lifetime. I just wanted to suffer it all at once, get through it, and never have to experience pain again. It made sense to me. I really thought God would go along with this logical wish. I remember thinking and wishing this for many years, meanwhile any pain, which was new or odd or unique, would surface in my life time and time again.

Now I want to discuss the purpose for my story by first explaining Matthew 11:30 which states, “My yoke is easy, and my burden is light”. What is a yoke? A yoke is a frame or bar that can be placed on one or two people or animals pulling or carrying a heavy load. The yoke balances the burden and makes it easier to manage. Oftentimes yokes for oxen were made with an individual ox in mind. They were measured, their individual bone structures were evaluated and a yoke was made according to those measurements. When the yoke was place upon that animal, it fit perfectly and was less burdensome to that animal. You could not switch yokes between different oxen without causing rubbing sores and pain to that animal.

So what is taking Christ’s yoke upon us? It is to humbly do his will and allow him to guide and direct our lives. Heavenly Father is mindful of each one of us. We are given trials and situations in our lives to mold us, change us into the persons we agreed to become before we came here to earth. He gives each of us just what He knows we can handle. I am not given another person’s trials and they are not given mine. Each trial is meant to teach us or others something that should bring us closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ while we move down the path that leads to Eternal Life.

Adversity, or what we perceive to be adversity, enters into the life of every individual at various times and in various forms. My talk today deals with trials, which come to those who righteously desire and seek earnestly to learn, and strive diligently to do God’s will, yet nevertheless experience adversity. Adversity in the lives of the obedient and faithful may be the consequence of disease, accidental injury, ignorance, or the influence of the adversary. To preserve agency, the Lord also at times permits the righteous to suffer the consequences of evil acts by others. An example of this is found when Nephi suffers at the hands of his brothers.

Laman and Lemuel reacted to their trials with resentment, anger, bitterness, doubt, and fear. Paul’s admonition to us reminds us we have the knowledge and sufficient testimony of the divine plan of salvation to respond with faith, patience, and hope born of that peace which passeth all understanding.

The plan of salvation presented to and accepted by us in the premortal state includes a probationary period on earth, during which we will experience opposites, make choices, learn the consequences of those actions, and prepare to return to the presence of God. Experiencing adversity is an essential part of the process. Knowing all of this, we elected to come into mortality.

Even Christ learned through His trials. In Hebrews 5:8, we read, “Though He were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which He suffered.” Prophets and Apostles, ancient and modern, have struggled with adversity in their own lives. I immediately think of Job in the Old Testament, Paul in the New Testament, and Joseph Smith in the current dispensation.

When I’m inclined to look around me and think “Are they exempt?” and “I don’t see them suffer as I’ve had suffer.” I remember my yoke was made especially for me. My burden has been made lighter when I did not murmur and complain, but accepted my load, bore it was patience and longsuffering, gleaned all the learning out of it I could, and went on with my day. I realize none of us are exempt. Even the most holy and righteous suffer his/her own trials and burdens. We are here to work out our own salvation, through Christ, so I don’t have to worry myself with the next guy and whether or not he is receiving his equal share. What instead I could do with those emotions is to change them to “bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light”, and in doing so, my burdens become lighter. When we “comfort those that stand in need of comfort,” we receive comfort. When we “stand as witnesses of God in all things,” we feel his redeeming love and see our present circumstances more clearly in an eternal perspective. In that way, we are accepting the Savior’s invitation to “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

A very good friend confided in me recently that he had been diagnosed with a debilitating and life-threatening illness. He had been carrying this news around for a couple of weeks. He did not want to burden anyone with it so he had not told a soul. I convinced him to share whatever was bothering him with me and I promised him that I could offer him peace. When he, in tears, finally told me, I assured him that my burden was not made heavier by his news, but his was made lighter. When we share our problems and trials with others who care, our burdens become lighter. It is like the oxen that share the load except that we should not put that load on ourselves, but encourage the bearer of the burden to bring his burden to Christ, and then Christ will give them rest and peace, which peace passeth all understanding. Remind them that Paul teaches us that all things work together for good to them that love God. Joseph Smith taught us through his own trials that all things bring us experience and are for our good.

How should we respond to our adversities and trials? Our responses to suffering and affliction can draw us closer to the Savior, to our Heavenly Father, and to the realization of our own celestial potential. In Alma 17:5 we learn that the sons of Mosiah, during their missionary labors, “had many afflictions; they did suffer much, both in body and mind, such as hunger, thirst, and fatigue, and also much labor in the spirit. Partly because of those experiences, they became “strong in the knowledge of the truth; men of a sound understanding, who searched the scriptures diligently, that they might know the word of God. They had been given themselves to much prayer, and fasting; therefore they had the spirit of prophecy, and the spirit of revelation.” Through their positive responses to adversity, they grew spiritually.

In Mosiah 23 & 24, we read these the account of Alma’s people who lived the gospel fully, and they were knit together in unity and in love toward one another. These people did not deserve adversity, but they were given the opportunity for further spiritual growth. In verse 21, we read “Nevertheless, the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith.” In verse 15, we see that the Lord strengthened them “that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.” Eventually, because of the faith and patience, they were delivered from their afflictions. They were refined spiritually and learned increased faith, and they gave thanks to God.

Paul again reminds us that “we have a great high priest, Jesus the Son of God, who is touched with the feeling of our infirmities.” We are to seek his help in the time of need. In Alma 7: 11-12, we learn that because the Savior suffered “pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind, taking upon him the pains and sickness of his people, taking upon him their infirmities, he knew according to the flesh how to help his people according to their infirmities. We need to follow the counsel of Amulek, which states, “Let your hearts be full, drawn out in prayer unto him continually for your welfare, and also for the welfare of those around you”.

Now you could say logically say that I did that as a young girl. I was given much to deal with, many very difficult afflictions and circumstances and, believe me, my heart was drawn out in prayer. Heavenly Father could not give me what I prayed for (to suffer everything in one day). I would never be able to learn all I needed to from every trial if I suffered them altogether and quickly. He knew I would never be able to bear it all at once either. He wisely gives me what I need to move that next little bit down the path, which leads to Eternal Life.

I have learned to bear my burdens and trials with more patience and understanding that all these things will be for my experience and be for my good. There are times in the midst of my trials, when I wonder how long that particular burden will be with me, then I remember my faith. I remember that Heavenly Father will not allow me to bear it one minute more than is necessary. When I have learned sufficiently what I needed to learn, or when others around me learned what they needed to learn, then that burden will be lifted. I give thanks for my afflictions. I do not fear. I am comforted. I wait patiently on the Lord, with the assurance that all things I have been and will be afflicted with will work together for my good. Afterward a witness of the Spirit and a manifestation of greater things, even the mysteries of God follow a trial of my faith.

In D & C 88:68, we are instructed to “Sanctify yourselves that your minds become single to God, and the days will come that you shall see him; for he will unveil his face unto you, and it shall be in his own time, and in his own way, and according to his own will.” The Lord’s own way of preparing us to see him as he his may well include the refining furnace of affliction. Without adversity, we may tend to forget the divine purpose of mortality and live our lives focused on the things of the world. We can and should ask for help in bearing our burdens, but I feel we should use the Savior’s example by always adding “nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt”.

I do not pray for further affliction and burdens, but I am thankful for those that I have had. I pray that we can become as the people of Alma, knit together in love, keeping our eye single to the glory of God and look to Christ in all our afflictions and trials. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. AMEN

The Great Things Which God Has Revealed Through Joseph the Prophet

2008-09-04T21:05:00.000-06:00

December 18, 2005

My talk this morning is, very appropriately, the great things which God has revealed through Joseph Smith the prophet. I take my talks from two conferences addresses. President Gordon B. Hinckley talk in the April General Conference and President Monson’s October address. I have also used the December issue of the Ensign magazine. I’ll begin be reading from the April conference talk.

An acquaintance said to me one day: "I admire your church very much. I think I could accept everything about it—except Joseph Smith." To which I responded: "That statement is a contradiction. If you accept the revelation, you must accept the revelator."

It is a constantly recurring mystery to me how some people speak with admiration for the Church and its work while at the same time disdaining him through whom, as a servant of the Lord, came the framework of all that the Church is, of all that it teaches, and of all that it stands for. They would pluck the fruit from the tree while cutting off the root from which it grows.

The first of the important revelations given through the Prophet Joseph Smith, of course, is the manifestation of God Himself and His Beloved Son, the risen Lord Jesus Christ. This grand theophany is, in my judgment, the greatest such event since the birth, life, death, and Resurrection of our Lord in the meridian of time.
We have no record of any other event to equal it.

I submit that in the short time of that remarkable vision Joseph learned more concerning Deity than all of the scholars and clerics of the past.

In this divine revelation there was reaffirmed beyond doubt the reality of the literal Resurrection of the Lord Jesus Christ.

This knowledge of Deity, hidden from the world for centuries, was the first and great thing which God revealed to His chosen servant.

And upon the reality and truth of this vision rests the validity of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I speak next of a second very important thing which God revealed.

The Book of Mormon has come forth by the gift and power of God. It speaks as a voice from the dust in testimony of the Son of God. It speaks of His birth, of His ministry, of His Crucifixion and Resurrection, and of His appearance to the righteous in the land Bountiful on the American continent.

It is a tangible thing that can be handled, that can be read, that can be tested. It carries within its covers a promise of its divine origin. Millions now have put it to the test and found it to be a true and sacred record.

It has been named by those not of our faith as one of 20 books ever published in America that have had the greatest influence upon those who have read them.
As the Bible is the testament of the Old World, the Book of Mormon is the testament of the New. They go hand in hand in declaration of Jesus as the Son of the Father.

This sacred book, which came forth as a revelation of the Almighty, is indeed another testament of the divinity of our Lord.

I would think that the whole Christian world would reach out and welcome it and embrace it as a vibrant testimony. It represents another great and basic contribution which came as a revelation to the Prophet.

A third important revelation is the restored priesthood. Priesthood is the authority to act in the name of God. That authority is the keystone of any religion.
If the authority of that Church was lost, how was it to be replaced?
Priesthood authority came from the only place it could come, and that is from heaven. It was bestowed under the hands of those who held it when the Savior walked the earth.

First, there was John the Baptist, who conferred the Aaronic, or lesser priesthood. This was followed by a visitation of Peter, James, and John, Apostles of the Lord Jesus Christ, who conferred upon Joseph and Oliver Cowdery the Melchizedek Priesthood, which had been received by these Apostles under the hands of the Lord Himself when in life He said, "And I will give unto thee the keys of the kingdom of heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven: and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven" (Matthew 16:19).

How beautiful is the unfolding of the pattern of restoration which led to the organization of the Church in the year 1830, 175 years ago this week. The very name of the Church came of revelation. Whose Church was it? Was it Joseph Smith's? Was it Oliver Cowdery's? No, it was the Church of Jesus Christ restored to earth in these latter days.

A fourth great and singular revelation given to the Prophet was the plan for the eternal life of the family.
The family is a creation of the Almighty. It represents the most sacred of all relationships. It represents the most serious of all undertakings. It is the fundamental organization of society. Through the revelations of God to His Prophet came the doctrine and authority under which families are sealed together not only for this life but for all eternity.

The innocence of little children is a fifth revelation which God has given through the instrumentality of the Prophet Joseph. The general practice is the baptism of infants to take away the effects of what is described as the sin of Adam and Eve. Under the doctrine of the Restoration, baptism is for the remission of one's individual and personal sins. It becomes a covenant between God and man. It is performed at the age of accountability, when people are old enough to recognize right from wrong. It is by immersion, in symbolism of the death and burial of Jesus Christ and His coming forth in the Resurrection.

I go on to mention a sixth revealed truth.

We are told that God is no respecter of persons, and yet, in no other church of which I am aware, is provision made for those beyond the veil of death to receive every blessing which is afforded the living. The great doctrine of salvation for the dead is unique to this Church.

Men boast that they are "saved," and in the same breath admit that their forebears have not been and cannot be saved.

Jesus's Atonement in behalf of all represents a great vicarious sacrifice. He set the pattern under which He became a proxy for all mankind. This pattern under which one man can act in behalf of another is carried forward in the ordinances of the house of the Lord. Here we serve in behalf of those who have died without a knowledge of the gospel. Theirs is the option to accept or reject the ordinance which is performed. They are placed on an equal footing with those who walk the earth. The dead are given the same opportunity as the living. Again, what a glorious and wonderful provision the Almighty has made through His revelation to His Prophet.

The eternal nature of man has been revealed. We are sons and daughters of God. God is the Father of our spirits. We lived before we came here. We had personality. We were born into this life under a divine plan. We are here to test our worthiness, acting in the agency which God has given to us. When we die we shall go on living. Our eternal life is comprised of three phases: one, our premortal existence; two, our mortal existence; and three, our postmortal existence. In death we die to this world and step through the veil into the sphere we are worthy to enter. This, again, is a unique, singular, and precious doctrine of this Church which has come through revelation.

I offer this brief summary of the tremendous outpouring of knowledge and authority from God upon the head of His Prophet.

There is a seventh that I must mention. This is the principle of modern revelation. The article of faith which the Prophet wrote declares, "We believe all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal, and we believe that He will yet reveal many great and important things pertaining to the Kingdom of God" (Articles of Faith 1:9).

The code of health followed by Latter-day Saints, which is so widely praised in these days of cancer and heart research, is in reality a [eighth] revelation given to Joseph Smith in 1833 as "a Word of Wisdom" from the Lord (see D&C 89:1). In no conceivable way could it have come of the dietary literature of the time nor from the mind of the man who announced it. Today, in terms of medical research, it is a miracle whose observance has saved incalculable suffering and premature death for uncounted tens of thousands.

A ninth great revelation is Family history research which has become a popular hobby in recent years. Thousands of eyes across the world have been turned to what is described as the Latter-day Saint treasure-house of family history data. But this tremendous program of the Church did not result from the pursuit of a hobby. It is an extension of the teachings of Joseph Smith the Prophet. He declared that we cannot be saved without our forebears, those who did not have a knowledge of the gospel and consequently could not fulfill its requirements nor partake of its opportunities (see D&C 128:9, 15).

The remarkable organization of the Church was framed by him as he was directed by a tenth revelation, and no modification or adaptation of that organization is ever considered without searching the revelations set forth by the Prophet.

Even the welfare program, which some are prone to regard as of rather recent origin, is founded and operated strictly upon principles enunciated by Joseph Smith in the early years of the Church. This could be considered an eleventh important revelation made by Joseph Smith.

This is likewise true of the family home evening program, which is no more than an extension of early revelation on the responsibility of parents "to bring up your children in light and truth" (D&C 93:40). So I’d like to count that as the twelfth.

A sound and clear understanding of the infinite and eternal nature of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I feel should be included as a thirteenth important revelation. Joseph Smith's vision of man's immortal nature reached from an existence before birth to the eternities beyond the grave. He taught that salvation is universal in that all men will become the beneficiaries of the Resurrection through the Atonement wrought by the Savior. But beyond this gift is the requirement of obedience to the principles of the gospel and the promise of consequent happiness in this life and exaltation in the life to come.

Nor was the gospel he taught limited in application to those of his own and future generations. The mind of Joseph Smith, tutored by the God of heaven, encompassed all mankind of all generations.

We cannot stop counting his many important revelations without mentioning one which is very dear to my heart, that is, of course, the missionary program, his fourteenth contribution. Within the space of that 20 years preceding his death, Joseph Smith set in motion a program for carrying the gospel to the nations of the earth. I marvel at the boldness with which he moved. Even in the infant days of the Church, in times of dark adversity, men were called to leave homes and families, to cross the sea, to proclaim the Restoration of the gospel of Jesus Christ. The Prophet's mind, his vision encompassed the entire earth.

It would be a shame to list his important contributions to the restoration of the fullness of the gospel without stating his example to each of us. So I will count that as the fifteenth great thing Joseph Smith has done. President Thomas S. Monson was so kind to list for us in conference this fall several qualities Joseph the Prophet learned that we may emulate. These as courage, faith, honesty, patience, diligence, missionary work, and love.

The story of Joseph's life is the story of a miracle. He was born in poverty. He was reared in adversity. He was driven from place to place, falsely accused, and illegally imprisoned. He was murdered at the age of 38. Yet in the brief space of 20 years preceding his death, he accomplished what none other has accomplished in an entire lifetime. He translated and published the Book of Mormon, a volume which has since been retranslated into scores of languages (106 to be exact) and which is accepted by millions across the earth as the word of God. The revelations he received and other writings he produced are likewise scripture to these millions. The total in book pages constitutes approximately twice the volume of the entire New Testament of the Bible, and it all came through one man in the space of a few years.

In this same period he established an organization which for 175 years has withstood every adversity and challenge and is as effective today in governing a worldwide membership of some 12 million as it was in governing a membership of 300 in 1830. There are those doubters who have strained to explain this remarkable organization as the product of the times in which he lived. That organization was as peculiar, as unique, and as remarkable then as it is today. It was not a product of the times. It came as a revelation from God.
He began his time as a prophet as a humble, studying, meditative man. Many have stated he had what may equal a third grade education. When his life came to an abrupt end, he remained a humble servant of God, but he was no longer uneducated. He knew several languages, including Hebrew and German. His mind had been molded to equal the statement penned by John Taylor as recorded in D & C 135. “Joseph Smith, the Prophet and Seer of the Lord, has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it.”

We do not worship the Prophet. We worship God our Eternal Father and the risen Lord Jesus Christ. But we acknowledge the Prophet; we proclaim him; we respect him; we reverence him as an instrument in the hands of the Almighty in restoring to the earth the ancient truths of the divine gospel, together with the priesthood through which the authority of God is exercised in the affairs of His Church and for the blessing of His people.

Grace and Perfection

2008-09-04T20:51:00.000-06:00

March 16, 2003
I have wonderful, incredible news. This is Christ’s gospel. He stands at the head—holy, divine, supreme, full of power, majesty, grace, and truth. He lived for us, and He died for us, because He loves us. I love Him more deeply and powerfully than I can find words to express. He is my Lord, my Savior, my Redeemer, and my friend. I know that Jesus Christ is the Son of God, our Eternal Father. He lives and directs His Church today through His prophet and His Apostles. His great work will continue to roll forth until it fills the whole earth.

I have written my talk primarily using and quoting from the book “Believing Christ” by Stephen E. Robinson. I have also used past Ensigns and the scriptures.

Part of the good news of the gospel is the knowledge that finally perfection comes, to those who desire it, through the atonement of Christ instead of solely through their own efforts. When we become one with Christ in the gospel covenant, we gain access to his perfection. It’s as though two people with separate bank accounts got married and formed a joint account. When Clyde and I got married, my checking account was overdrawn, but Clyde had money in his. After the wedding, we went to the bank and merged our accounts to create a single, joint account. As far as the bank was concerned, I was no longer Alicia Walker and he was no longer Clyde Ferree. A new partnership had been created, Mr. and Mrs. Clyde and Alicia Ferree. That partnership included the assets and liabilities of both its individual parts. And since Clyde had more assets than I had liabilities, the new account had a positive balance. It was like a miracle! Just by entering into a marriage covenant and becoming one with Clyde, I was on firm financial ground for the first time in months.

This makes an excellent analogy for what happens when we enter into the gospel covenant. 2 Cor. 12: 9 “And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” The Savior, who has infinite assets, proposes a joining with the individual, who has finite liabilities. I say “proposes” because the relationship proposed is often referred to in scripture as a marriage, and it is certainly as intimate and bonding as a marriage. That is why Christ if often call the Bridegroom and why the Church is often referred to as the Bride.

As husband and wife become one with each other through the covenant of marriage, so the Savior and the saved become one with each other through the covenant of the gospel. Just as the bride renounces all competing claims upon her loyalties and normally takes her husband’s last name, so those who enter this covenant with Christ give up all competing loyalties, put him first, and take his name upon them. To this union, we bring our righteous desires and our loyalty. He brings his perfection. In the covenant union, what is mine becomes his, and what is his becomes mine. Thus my sins become his for payment, and his righteousness becomes mine for justification.
When we become one with Jesus Christ, spiritually we form a partnership with a joint account. Since he has more assets than we have liabilities (he as an infinite ocean of assets), the new account has a positive balance as soon as it is formed, and the partnership is justified, even though its junior partners (you and me) could not make it on their own. This is what the Apostle Paul refers to as being “in Christ” and what Moroni calls being “perfect in Christ”.
Moro. 10: 32-33 “Yea, came unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God. And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.”
Taken together, Christ and I make up a new creature. The old creature, the imperfect me, ceases to exist, and a glorious new creature, a perfect partnership, takes its place. Taken together as a single entity, the two of us, Christ and I, are perfect. I do not mean (this is absolutely crucial!) that we can become perfect later on. I mean that from the moment the partnership is formed in good faith, from the moment we have sincere faith in Christ, sincerely repent of our sins, and receive baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost—from this moment the partnership is celestial. The merits of the Senior Partner make it so. True, this is not individual perfection, which will indeed come later (much later), rather it is perfection-in-Christ through which we receive the benefits of our partner’s merits. Nevertheless, from this moment the kingdom is ours, provided that we maintain the partnership by abiding in the gospel covenant.
At this point someone will object by saying “I still have faults and limitations”. I admit that if I am judged separately and alone, this is true. But in the covenant relationship, I am not judged separately and alone but as one with Christ. Simply consider the mathematics of it: If Christ is infinite and unlimited, but I am finite and limited, and we become one, what do Christ and I together add up to? What is the sum of an infinite, positive quantity and a limited, negative quantity (infinity + -x)? It’s infinity, of course! And the math is the same whether I’m the prophet or a stake president or any other struggling member. Infinity plus any amount, positive or negative, equals infinity.

Grace in not something that I can trigger, manipulate, earn, deserve, or control, it is a preexisting aspect of Heavenly Father’s attitude toward me/us. Before I could even respond to him, he already loved me, wanted to help me, and wanted me to succeed. Because of the predisposition in my favor, he grants me gifts from time to time to help me succeed.

Like our Heavenly Father, most parents are predisposed positively toward their children even before the child does anything to return the favor. Even when all a child can do is cry and wet its pants, even then it can usually draw on a vast reservoir of parental love and care and concern. Though children consume much more than they produce, most parents are predisposed to treat them with favor, or in other words to grant them grace. Thus, they do things for their children that they might not do for other people.

This is not a doctrine of “easy” grace. 2 Ne. 25: 23 “For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.” There is no virtue one might have possessed before entering the covenant that one may then discard or renounce upon entering the covenant—without violating the covenant. This means if you are really good at canning vegetables, but after you’ve realized the wonderful news of grace, you want to stop canning vegetables. Then, I think Heavenly Father would say to you, don’t stop canning, just can as much as you are capable of. The gospel covenant is not an excuse to work beneath our abilities. The covenant requires more than merely wishing we were better; we’ve got to actually do what is within our power. Although personal perfection is not required of us right now, our best attempt at it is. The good news is that God will not require of us more than the best we can do, but the bad news is he will not accept less than that either.

This is how I think of grace. I picture a ladder with say, twelve rungs. The ground the ladder rests on is where we all start from, each rung represents what we are capable of doing. The top of the ladder is the Celestial Kingdom. Maybe I can only step up to the third rung. I’ve worked as hard as I possibly could. I’ve done everything in my power to achieve what I am capable of achieving. And still I have only reached the third rung. Christ then reaches down, grabs my hands, and gently pulls me up the rest of the way. His grace becomes sufficient for me to enter into the Celestial Kingdom, provided I have kept my end of the bargain. I have entered into and obeyed all the covenants made available to me on earth. I have properly repented and offered a broken heart and a contrite spirit for my sins.

Now we can never compare what we are capable of against what another person is capable of. Who knows, maybe the prophet can make it to the tenth rung, maybe the person sitting next to me in sacrament can only make it to the first rung, maybe the relief society president can make it to the sixth rung. That doesn’t matter at all to Christ. That is what makes the gospel such good news! It is only about our own individual ability. Christ will never say to us, well your brother can do more, so why can’t you? He will ask us, “Are you doing the very best you can do??” I think we should be prepared to answer that question. “for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.”
There is really no such thing as “easy” grace because the partnership with Christ isn’t easy—it calls for the best and the highest within us. He requires our loyalty, our service to God with all our heart, might, mind, and strength. He demands ongoing repentance and continual recommitment. And he offers no proof and no guarantee beyond the private witness of the Spirit that he can do what he promises. Rather, he asks us to trust him, to accept his word on faith. Rom. 16: 24 The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. I say this in the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

FEAR NOT

2008-09-04T20:44:00.000-06:00

These words come from articles located in the Ensign Magazine and my own thoughts originally written on August 10, 2003.

Isa. 35: 4 Say to them that are of a fearful heart, Be strong, fear not: behold, your God will come with vengeance, even God with a recompense; he will come and save you.
Isa. 41: 10 Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.
Ps. 27: 1, 3 THE LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an host should encamp against me, my heart shall not fear: though war should rise against me, in this will I be confident.

Fear is such a varied emotion. There are deep fears and subtle anxieties. We, as parents, may fear that our children will lose their way and never find the way back. We may fear the pain of losing someone we love deeply. We may fear the unknown or the unexpected. We may fear what we know to expect in the last days. We may fear trying something new, changing our lives (even if it is in more accordance with Heavenly Father’s plan), or the ridicule of others. That last fear, the ridicule of others is what may be holding most of us back from doing missionary work. We all know that we have the best news, the good news that is the gospel, but we allow what others may think of us as being more important than sharing Heavenly Father’s plan of salvation and happiness. Fear can even be an emotion that many people refuse to admit they feel.

Who among us can say that he or she has not felt fear? I know of no one who has been entirely spared. Some, of course, experience fear to a greater degree than do others. Some are able to rise above it quickly, but others are trapped and pulled down by it and even driven to defeat. We suffer from the fear of ridicule, the fear of failure, the fear of loneliness, and the fear of ignorance. Some fear the present, some the future. Some carry the burden of sin and would give almost anything to unshackle themselves from those burdens but fear to change their lives. Let us recognize that fear comes not of God, but rather that this gnawing, destructive element comes from the adversary of truth and righteousness. Fear is the antithesis of faith.
Why is fear part of earth life? Perhaps our Heavenly Father’s greatest hope is that through our fears we may choose to turn to him. The uncertainties of earth life can help to remind each of us that we are dependent on him. But that reminder is not automatic. It involves our agency. We must choose to take our fears to him, choose to trust him, and choose to allow him to direct us. We must make these choices when what we feel most inclined to do is to rely more and more on our own frantic and often distorted thinking.

Fear doesn’t come from God, but from the adversary. Fear is the antithesis of faith. Mark 4: 40 And he said unto them, Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith? God gives us power, love, and a sound mind as antidotes to fear. 2 Tim. 1:6-7 states: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”
These principles are the great antidotes to the fears that rob us of our strength and sometimes knock us down to defeat. They give us power. What power? It is the power of the gospel, the power of truth, the power of faith, the power of the priesthood.

A mighty fortress is our God, A tower of strength ne’er failing. A helper mighty is our God, O’er ills of life prevailing. He overcometh all. He saveth from the fall. His might and pow’r are great. He all things did create. And he shall reign forevermore. (“A Mighty Fortress,” Hymns, no. 3.)

There is a mighty strength that comes of the knowledge that you and I are sons and daughters of God. Within us is something of divinity. The power of the gospel gives us the strength that comes from knowing we are sons and daughters of God. As children of our Heavenly Father, we can learn to be happy, to trust in Him, and to not be afraid.

In the children’s classic story The Secret Garden, the author tells the story of the orphan, Mary Lennox, who is taken to her uncle’s house, where she meets her cousin, Colin, who is a recluse. Even though there is nothing wrong with him, he is paralyzed by the fear he will become a hunchback if he lives, and he has convinced himself that he will soon die.

Mary Lennox is a lonely child who is determined not to be interested in anything. One day while walking on her uncle’s estate, she stumbles upon the key to the entrance of a garden enclosed by a high wall. Once she enters the garden, a transformation takes place. In working to restore the garden to its former grandeur, she experiences a freshening of her spirit. Colin is coaxed from his gloomy room into the garden, and the author writes this commentary: “So long as Colin shut himself up in his room and thought only of his fears and weakness and his hatred of people who looked at him and reflected hourly on humps and early death, he was a hysterical half-crazy little hypochondriac who knew nothing of the sunshine and the spring and also did not know that he could get well and could stand upon his feet if he tried to do it. When new beautiful thoughts began to push out the old hideous ones, life began to come back to him; his blood ran healthily through his veins and strength poured into him like a flood. … Much more surprising things can happen to any one who, when a disagreeable or discouraged thought comes into his mind, just has sense to remember in time to push it out by putting in an agreeable determinedly courageous one. Two things cannot be in one place. ‘Where you tend a rose, my lad, a thistle cannot grow.”

Satan is our greatest enemy and works night and day to destroy us. But we need not become paralyzed with fear of Satan’s power. He can have no power over us unless we permit it. He is really a coward, and if we stand firm he will retreat. He has the power to bruise our heel, but we have the power to crush his head.

Heavenly Father will comfort us. Remember, the Lord has said, “The very hairs of your head are all numbered” unto the Father. “Fear ye not therefore” (Matt. 10:30-31). He knows us, He loves us, and He knows our needs. He will comfort us if we will only trust in Him and His goodness and wisdom.

The popular secular Serenity Prayer says “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.
There are many things that we cannot change. We all have difficulties and disappointments. But often these turn out to be opportunities. The Lord can measure how strong we are by how we handle these difficulties in our lives. As the Lord said to the Prophet Joseph Smith, “Know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good” (D&C 122:7).
Sometimes the Lord allows us to have trials to shape us into productive servants. In our desire to achieve, we often fail to see that the Lord is trying to prune us away from false pride and vain ambition so He can teach us discipleship. His all-seeing eye is over us and ever watching us as our Eternal Heavenly Parent. When trials come, as surely they will to all of us during mortality, let us not sink into the abyss of self-pity but remember who is at the helm, that He is there to guide us through all the storms of life.

We can overcome fear and doubt, worry and discouragement through the sustaining power of love—love of the Lord, parents, family, friends, and Church leaders. D&C 68: 6 insists “Wherefore, be of good cheer, and do not fear, for I the Lord am with you, and will stand by you; and ye shall bear record of me, even Jesus Christ, that I am the Son of the living God, that I was, that I am, and that I am to come.” Deut. 31: 6 (6, 8) asserts “Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.”

As we try to live his commandments and pray to him, there are things he will direct us to do that will help calm our fears. These actions often require great courage and direction from the Holy Ghost. The Holy Ghost may help us to understand when and with whom we should share our fears. He will support us as we face our fears and try to do things that we have never done before.

A former Primary General President, Sister Michaelene Grassli said, when I was afraid my performance would be far less than those who had come before, and I would certainly be a disappointment to everyone and probably an embarrassment to the Church, it was comforting to me to know that I need only be concerned that what I do and say is acceptable and pleasing to the Lord.” Concentrating on pleasing Heavenly Father brings peace, a respite from fear and anxiety.

The prophet David said: “The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?” (Ps. 27:1.)

Vincent van Gogh, a famous painter, said, “I am always doing what I can’t do yet in order to learn how to do it.” A large part of conquering daily fear is simply doing things that we don’t know how to do—yet.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.”

As we concentrate on pleasing the Lord rather than others and continue to work hard, doing the things we don’t know how to do yet, we will experience personal growth. We will increase our confidence in Heavenly Father and his Son, Jesus Christ. This faith assures us that in the end, we will not only survive but we will know great joy and happiness.

After the death of Christ, Paul was converted and became a great missionary. He had a junior companion, whom he loved as a father loves his own son. When we pick up their story in 2 Timothy, they are separated in their service. Timothy is lonely and afraid—being a missionary can be a fearful thing. Paul is in prison in Rome. He writes Timothy a letter: “To Timothy, my dearly beloved son. … “I thank God … that without ceasing I have remembrance of thee in my prayers night and day; “Greatly desiring to see thee, being mindful of thy tears.” (2 Tim. 1:2-4.)
Isn’t that a tender letter? Pretend it is coming to you from one who is mindful of your tears.
Paul then goes on to remind Timothy of his strengths: “I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee.” (2 Tim. 1:5.) He reminds Timothy that both his grandmother and his mother were women of faith.

Think of some of the strengths that your grandmothers and mother have passed on to you.
Then Paul asks Timothy to remember to use the gift of the Holy Ghost: “I put thee in remembrance that thou stir up the gift of God, which is in thee by the putting on of my hands.” (2 Tim. 1:6.) Are you remembering that you have had hands laid on your head—that you have been given a gift? Use that gift to conquer your fears! And then my favorite part of the letter: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Tim. 1:7.)

Are those just the things you want when you are fearful—power, love, the ability to think clearly? The power of a sound mind leads us to see that the gospel is simple, beautiful, and logical.

As we overcome fear, let us walk with confidence—never with arrogance—and with quiet dignity in our conviction concerning the Savior. “Therefore, fear not, little flock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail. … Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not. Behold the wounds which pierced my side, and also the prints of the nails in my hands and feet; be faithful, keep my commandments, and ye shall inherit the kingdom of heaven.” (D&C 6:34, 36-37.) “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love. …”

Love of what? Love for the Lord, love for his work, his cause, and his kingdom; love for people, love for one another. Love of God can bridge the chasm of fear. Love for the Church can also lift one above doubt.
I am grateful for the marvelous words found in D & C 93:36 that “the glory of God is intelligence, or, in other words, light and truth.” And for the counsel given us to “seek ye out of the best books words of wisdom” and to acquire knowledge “by study and also by faith.” D&C 88:118
“And that which doth not edify is not of God, and is darkness. that which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day.” (D&C 50:23-24.)

I wish we would ponder these words. They are wonderful in their promise concerning the great potential that lies within each of us and is an expression of God’s love for his sons and daughters. What have any of us to fear regarding our challenges and difficulties in life? “Only fear itself,” as U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt once said.

Let us refer again to the tremendously important truths taught by Paul: “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (2 Tim. 1:7.)
Then Paul gave his great direction to Timothy: “Be not thou therefore ashamed of the testimony of our Lord.” (2 Tim. 1:8.)

President Hinckley says “May this counsel be as a personal charge to each of us. Let us walk with confidence—never with arrogance—and with quiet dignity in our conviction concerning Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. Let us find strength in the strength that comes from him. Let us find peace in the peace that was of the very essence of his being. Let us be willing to sacrifice in the spirit of him who gave himself a sacrifice for all men. Let us walk in virtue, and repent of our sins, and seek forgiveness. Let us demonstrate our love for him through service to one another.”

I pray we learn lessons of those who came before us, the prophets and teachers of the gospel. Those who have learned to live without fear, such as Abraham, Daniel, David, Job, Paul, and Joseph Smith. Let us heed the words recorded in the scriptures time and again to walk through this life without fear, but with the love of God. In the name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Sacrifice is Expected

2008-09-04T20:42:00.002-06:00

Ryan’s return home from mission and I gave this talk
March 12, 2006

1 Nephi 16:6 “Now, all these things were said and done as my father dwelt in a tent in the valley which he called Lemuel.”

Many people that I knew who are not members of the church, approached me and commented that they could never send their son away for two years. It was beyond their understanding how I could ever allow that to happen. They said that they could never sacrifice their time with their child for any reason.

I thought a great deal about that during that period of time because my viewpoint was so vastly different. Of course, I would sacrifice my time with Ryan. Of course, I would support him in his decision to serve the Lord for two years. These things have been brought back to my remembrance as Ryan has returned. The two years is finished and the sacrifice has been made.

Two individuals with two viewpoints came to my mind as I thought about how people view sacrifice. The first is Nephi. I began my talk by quoting Nephi’s words about his father’s sacrifice. Nephi’s father, Lehi, sacrificed a great deal, at least from Nephi’s perspective. I get that from Nephi’s own fascination with his father dwelling in a tent. He mentioned several times “and my father dwelt in a tent.” From those words, I can deduce Nephi is recognizing his father’s sacrifice. Lehi was a man of some influence, wealth, status, reputation, and means. He was born under the covenant. His sons stood to inherit much in terms of land and name and influence. Yet when called upon by the Lord, Lehi left it all behind. He left his home, his possessions, his extended family, his power, and his status in the community. He left it all to pursue a new life of which he knew nothing about, other than the Lord had commanded him to do so. Nephi never forgot this. He stood in awe of his father. He reverenced him for his choice and decision. It was the right thing to do, as we all know, because we know the rest of the story. Lehi and his family did not know what would happen to them as they made this journey. They just knew the Lord said they must leave and leave they did. The Lord did not reveal what would happen to them except one step at a time. I'd like to just add their journey took 11 years. I'm sure there were weeks or months in which they had no idea what to expect or why they were being tested. We know they were being refined for future challenges, but they may not have had that understanding.

When the Lord asks us to sacrifice, we do not know what will happen. We just do it because we trust in Him and know He wants only the very best life for us. He wants to train us and teach us how to become our very best selves.

As we continue reading in 1 Nephi, we learn how they are blessed as they are obedient, faithful and diligent.

I know as I look back on Ryan’s mission through his letters, I see how he was blessed as he was obedient, faithful, and diligent. I know that we have been blessed as we were obedient, faithful, and diligent.

So why do we sacrifice when we do not know what will result from our sacrifice. Hindsight is 20/20. But we sacrifice prior to the blessings. I can tell you why I have sacrificed.

Read from “The Atonement” in “Preach My Gospel”.

Other than my covenant to sacrifice all that I have and am for Christ, I want to do whatever is asked of me or required of me to gain access to that most wonderful of all gifts, the great atoning sacrifice of my Savior. When I think of things in this way, it is not a sacrifice at all. It is a gift that I can give to my Savior and Redeemer, as He as already given His all to me.

NASA and the Bible

2008-09-04T20:36:00.000-06:00

Mr. Harold Hill, President of the Curtis Engine Company in Baltimore Maryland and a consultant in the space Program relates the following development. "I think one of the most amazing things that God has for us today happened recently to our astronauts and space scientists at Greenbelt, Maryland. They were checking the position of the sun, moon, and planets out in space where they would be 100 years and 1000 years from now. We have to know this so we won't send a satellite, up and have it bump into something later on in its orbits. We have to lay out the orbits in terms of the life of the satellite, and where the planets will be so the whole thing will not bog down. They ran the computer measurement back and forth over the centuries and it came to a halt. The computer stopped and put up a red signal, which meant that there was something wrong either with the information fed into it or with the results as compared to the standards. They called in the service department to check it out and they said, "What's wrong?" Well, they found there is a day missing in space in elapsed time. They scratched their heads and tore their hair. There was no answer. Finally, a Christian man on the team said, "You know, one time I was in Sunday School and they talked about the sun standing still." While they didn't believe him, they didn't have an answer either, so they said, "Show us." He got a Bible and went back to the book of Joshua where they found a pretty ridiculous statement for any one with "common sense." There they found the Lord saying to Joshua, "Fear them not, I have delivered them into thy hand; there shall not a man of them stand before Thee." Joshua was concerned because he was surrounded by the enemy and if darkness fell they would overpower them. So Joshua asked the Lord to make the sun stand still! That's right-"The sun stood still and the moon stayed-and hasted not to go down about a whole day!" (Joshua 10:12-13) The astronauts and scientists said, "There is the missing day!" They checked the computers going back into the time it was written and found it was close but not close enough. The elapsed time that was missing back in Joshua's day was 23 hours and 20 minutes-not a whole day. They read the Bible and there it was "about (approximately) a day." These little words in the Bible are important, but the were still in trouble because if you cannot account for 40 minutes you'll still be in trouble 1,000 years from now. Forty minutes had to be found because it can be multiplied many times over in orbits. As the Christian employee thought about it, he remembered somewhere in the Bible where it said the sun went BACKWARDS. The scientists told him he was out of his mind, but they got out the Book and read these words in 2 Kings that told of the following story: Hezekiah, on his deathbed, was visited by the prophet Isaiah who told him that he was not going to die. Hezekiah asked for a sign as proof. Isaiah said "Do you want the sun to go ahead 10 degrees?" Hezekiah said "It is nothing for the sun to go ahead 10 degrees, but let the shadow return backward 10 degrees." Isaiah spoke to the Lord and the Lord brought the shadow ten degrees BACKWARD! Ten degrees is exactly 40 minutes! Twenty-three hours and 20 minutes in Joshua, plus 40 minutes in Second Kings make the missing day in the universe!" Isn't it amazing? (References: Joshua 10:8 and 12, 13 and 2 Kings 20:9-11) Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.

FORGIVENESS

2008-09-04T20:34:00.001-06:00

May 16, 2004

Read D & C 64: 9 – 10

Read 3 Nephi 13: 14-15

Within the Lord’s Prayer, we read, “Forgive us our debts (trespasses) as we forgive our debtors (those who trespass against us). How much do we need forgiveness? How often do we seek forgiveness? For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son.

Our Father in Heaven is a perfect being & cannot look on sin with the least allowance. We cannot return to Him unspotted & yet our greatest hope is to be able to live with Him again. So how do we do that, live with him again, when we sin everyday? We are natural man trying to learn to cast off that part of ourselves. Still, we are unclean; we are not perfect, except through the atonement of Jesus Christ. He atoned for our sins, that through proper repentance, we could be forgiven. However, how we are forgiven is largely dependant on ourselves. It is dependant upon how we forgive others. I want to read to you a story. It is a story from a book that is a fictionalized account of the life and teaching of Jesus Christ. I picked this story I’m about to read because it explains just how important it is to forgive everyone, absolutely everyone.
In the story, two people are speaking. One is Peter, a recent convert & follower/disciple of Christ and the other is a young man named Simeon. Simeon has many very good reasons for not forgiving people, particularly the Romans who have deeply hurt & wronged him and his family. This is Peter’s explanation of the parable of the unmerciful servant found in Matthew 18:21-35.
Simeon starts, “Jesus talks of love & forgiveness, right?” “Yes”, answers Peter. Simeon says, “I heard him say that we were to love our enemies and forgive those who treat us spitefully. But that doesn’t seem to be the main message he has for people. Is that his main message?” “I don’t know if I would say that is his main message, but—“ Peter stopped, his brow furrowing. “For example, the other day I asked him about forgiveness. I, too, was a little troubled by what he had said. When he gave us the model of how we should pray (The Lord’s prayer), he said, ‘Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.’ Well, I had been thinking about it. Knowing that he expects us to do more than the normal, I asked if we forgave someone seven times if that would be enough.” Simeon asked, “Seven? The law requires only three times, and that’s if they come asking for forgiveness.” Peter pulled a face. “I know. I thought I was being vastly generous. Do you know what he said?” Simeon shook his head. “He looked directly at me and said, ‘I say not unto you, until seven times, but until seventy times seven!” A stunned gasp exploded from Simeon’s mouth. Seventy times seven? His mind automatically did the calculations. “Four hundred and ninety times?” Peter shrugged. “That’s what he said. I think what he really meant was ‘Why are you counting?’ He then gave a parable. The more I’ve thought about it, it’s a really astonishing parable. He said that the kingdom of Heaven is like a certain king who decided to take an accounting of his servants. When he had begun to reckon with them, he met with one who owed him ten thousand talents.” Simeon head came up sharply. “Ten thousand talents! For a workingman, one talent is a major fortune. A hundred talents would be beyond his wildest dreams. Peter went on. “It’s a staggering sum, isn’t it? Well, Jesus went on to say that when the servant did not have sufficient means to repay the debt—obviously! —The king commanded the servant to be sold, along with his wife and children and all that he had, and payment to be made.” Simeon sarcastically said, “Oh, that would help! What’s the price of a slave now? Thirty pieces of silver? Even if the man had a large family, that would barely be tiny dimple of what he owed.” Peter continued, “That makes what followed all the more astonishing. The servant fell down at the king’s feet and pleaded with him saying, ‘Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.’” A mischievous grin stole over the apostle’s face. “Do you have any idea how much patience the man is asking for?” He didn’t wait for Simeon to answer. “Even if he paid him back at the rate of one talent per week—an incredible sum—it would still take nearly two hundred years!” “This can’t be a true story,” Simeon said. “It’s more like a fable.” Peter answered, “Jesus never said it was true. He just said that the kingdom of heaven was like this story.” Eager to know more, Simeon pleaded, “So did the king agree to this fantastic proposal and give the man some time?” Peter shook his head. Simeon pounced on that. “I knew it.” “No,” Peter said, his voice soft with awe. “He forgave the man the debt. Took it off the books. Totally forgot the whole amount.” Simeon started. “Jesus said that?” Peter seemed pleased to see that Simeon was a little dazed by this too. He had been. The story had left him spinning. “But that’s not the end of the story. That same servant had one of his fellow servants (a co-worker) who owed him a debt as well. The co-worker owed him one hundred denarii.” Simeon remarked, “After ten thousand talents, that’s a mere pittance.” Peter went on without responding to that. “Well, this servant laid hands on the co-worker. He took the co-worker by the throat and demanded that he repay the debt. And this co-worker fell at the servant’s feet and besought him, saying…” he paused for effect, “’…Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.’” Simeon was transfixed. “The same words he had used with the king.” Peter said, “Exactly. But the servant would not listen. He had no mercy on him. He called for the officers and had his co-worker sent to prison until he paid the hundred denarii back.” Simeon blurted, “After the king forgave him of ten thousand talents?” “I was so angry by that point,” Peter said with a rueful smile. “I had forgotten that this was only a story. But Jesus went right on. The king called the servant back before him. ‘O thou, wicked servant! He said. Peter stopped again. “Isn’t it interesting? He didn’t call him a wicked servant when he owed him ten thousand talents. Only now does he use that term. ‘I forgave thee all that debt,’ the king said, ‘because you desired it of me. Should you not also have had compassion on your co-worker, even as I had pity on thee?’” “I would say so,” Simeon said, not realizing that he, like Peter, had become so caught up in the story that he was responding as though it were real. “And then came the lesson,” Peter concluded. “Jesus looked right at me then. ‘So likewise shall my Heavenly Father do also unto his children,’ he said, ‘if they from their hearts forgive not every one his brother his trespasses.’” Peter seemed lost in his own thoughts. “I’ve thought a lot about that, wondering what he meant. Do you know that the one debt is six hundred thousand times larger than the other?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “Do you realize that though a man could carry one hundred denarii in a pouch in one hand, a talent would be like half a large sack of grain? And it would take a column of men almost ten miles long to carry ten thousand talents!” “Then why?” Simeon asked. “Why is Jesus so fixed on forgiveness? What is he trying to teach us?” Peter was staring at the ground. He finally looked at Simeon. “How many times do you suppose a person sins in his life? I mean, if you count every thought, every act, every word that makes us less like God—which is a pretty good definition of sin, I suppose—how many times do you think we trespass against God? A thousand times, maybe?” Peter eyes narrowed. “Ten thousand times!” “Maybe more, in some cases,” Simeon whispered. Peter asked him, “If God is willing to take such debt upon him, forgive it without requiring full payment, then how can we go before him in the judgment and say, “But Lord, Micah hurt my feelings. Ezra wronged me when he stole my cattle. Baruch took my wife away?”

I really love this story. It explains to us in very simple terms what is expected of us in regards to forgiving our fellow man, our brothers and sisters. Because that is the level of forgiveness we’ve come to want and need and expect from Jesus Christ.

John Taylor explained it this way: “Treat one another aright. Have you sinned one against another? Then go and make restitution. Have you defrauded one another? Go and make it right. Have you spoken unkindly to your brother or sister? Then go and acknowledge your wrong and ask to be forgiven, promising to do better in the future. Let us treat one another with kindness and one another’s reputation with respect, and feel after one another’s welfare, treating everybody, as we would like God to treat us. And then, when we come to the Lord, we can say, ‘Father, forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive them that trespass against us.’ Do you constantly think of that? We get down upon our knees and many of us think we are pretty decent fellows, but there is Brother So and So, he does not do exactly right, and I do not like him very much, and he has done me wrong, and I would like to have full retribution, but O God won’t you forgive my sins? I will, says the Lord, on condition that you forgive your brother, and only on that condition. “If thou bring thy gift to the altar, and there rememberest that thy brother hath ought against thee; leave there thy gift before the altar, and go thy way; first be reconciled to thy brother, and then come and offer thy gift” (Matt. 5:23-24)

I know that this is a true principle. I know that I have done many wrongs and have not sought forgiveness for them. I intend to clear those things up for several reasons. It is a commandment & a requirement of me. I want there not to be any bad feelings against me for things I have caused. And finally, I want forgiveness, complete forgiveness, so that I can, through Christ’s infinite atonement, return to my Father in Heaven cleansed of my many sins and white and worthy. I say these things in the sacred and holy name of Jesus Christ, our Savior, Redeemer and Teacher. Amen

Family History and Temple Work

2008-09-04T20:30:00.000-06:00

5/30/04

And He shall plant in the hearts of the children the promises made to the fathers, and the hearts of the children shall turn to their fathers. If it were not so, the whole earth would be utterly wasted at His coming. D & C 128:18 calls this a “welding link”.
This scripture has manifested itself in my life. Through my own search for my kindred dead, my heart has been turned to my fathers & mothers. They are as real to me as you are. I have felt them tapping me on my shoulder & heard them whispering to my heart saying, “Alicia, find me and do my work.”
Family History is so fun! I have found story after story about our ancestors. Stories of mothers of big, strapping Scottish boys, of officers in all the wars, a vice-presidential candidate, young children orphaned while on the boat to America, an outlaw, victims of horrible atrocities, & those who have triumphed over great adversity.
Of all the people I’ve found, I have yet to find one who became a member of the church. I would suspect that same thing is true for many of us who are converts to the church. I feel a real need & responsibility to continue this search to find everyone I can.
I have a large genealogy chart hanging on the wall just outside my bedroom door. Every time I walk past, I look at their names & try to picture their faces. I have marked which of our ancestors have had their work done or which ordinance has been completed, so I’m always reminded that it is my duty & there is noone else to do it.
I know our kindred dead are anxiously waiting for us to search out their names & then go into the temples to officiate in their behalf, that they may be liberated from their prison world within the spirit world.
I have known many of the people for whom we’ve done work in the temple. I also feel as though I know many of the others. I can feel their presence. I have felt their presence in the temple.
My patriarchal blessing states that when I do my family history & genealogy work, that work will be carried forward on the other side of the veil. Isaiah 24:22 says, “And they shall be gathered together, as prisoners are gathered in the pit, and shall be shut up in the prison, and after many days shall they be visited.” And 41:6 & 7 reads, “I the Lord have called thee in righteousness, and will hold thine hand, and will keep thee, and give thee for a covenant of the people, for a light of the Gentiles; …to bring out the prisoners from the prison, and them that sit in darkness out of the prison house.” We all understand that baptism by immersion is the necessary gate through which we must enter before we can return to our Father in Heaven. The scriptures state so clearly the great mercy Christ has for all of us. He would never give a commandment that many people would never be able to fulfill. Latter-day temple ordinances make it possible to obey that commandment. 1 Corin. 15:29 talks of temple baptism. “Else what shall they do which are baptized for the dead, if the dead not rise at all, why are they then baptized for the dead?” In this instance, Paul is teaching about resurrection, which was difficult for some people to understand. The fact that they were doing the baptisms seems not to have been the difficult idea for people to grasp. It seems the practice was being done even then.
When Diane Stelter & I met w/ Sister Watkins this week, she shared w/ me her story of when she passed away and left her body. I got permission from her to share her experience with you. During a heart attack, she actually died and her spirit left her body. She explained that our bodies are like a concrete shell, and when we die, our spirits are so light. She said she floated to the ceiling and watched as all the medical personnel scrambled to bring her back to life. She remembers laughing at the sight. She said it looked comical to her. She realized that she felt no negative feelings, but everything she felt was positive, and happy, and peaceful. She saw a light and saw her mother. Her mother told her she was ready to be baptized and wants to be sealed to her. Sister Watkins knows she will never be able to do that work herself, but has already shared her mother’s wish with her children. She’s afraid they may fight over who gets to be proxy for her and her mother. Since that experience, Sister Watkins’ mother has returned telling her the same thing. She is waiting, a little impatiently it sounds like.
How many of our ancestors are doing that, waiting impatiently? I had a dream about two weeks ago. I was standing on a street with countless others. We were moving slowly forward in a line, which extended far in front and in back of me. Finally, I realized I didn’t know why I was in that line, so I asked, “What are we all doing here?” A person in front of me responded, “We’re waiting to teach people in prison.” I asked the people I was with, “What do we do if we become separated?” They answered, “If we are separated, we will meet on the temple grounds.” That answer seemed so natural to me. We were to go teach, and then go to the temple. All roads of the gospel lead to the temple.
We must do our family history & genealogy work; then we must go to the temple & accomplish the priesthood temple ordinance work necessary for our own exaltation; then we must do the necessary work for those who did not have the opportunity to accept the gospel in life!
Isaiah 2:2-3 states, “And it shall come to pass in the last days, that the mountain of the Lord’s house shall be established in the top of the mountains, and shall be exalted above the hills; and all nations shall flow unto it. And many people shall go and say, Come ye, and let us go up to the mountain of the Lord, to the house of the God of Jacob; and he will teach us of his way, and we will walk in his paths; for out of Zion shall go forth the law…”
There are many advantages to be gained from our frequent temple attendance. We can do ordinance work for those who have been taught & who are waiting for us. We can obtain knowledge about our purpose here & hereafter. We can receive revelations about our lives. We can be given blessings for going to the temple. We can be healed of our affirmities by special temple prayers.
I’ve never gone to the temple, & on leaving, think, “Well, that was a waste of time!” I always feel so uplifted & free from the cares & pressures of the world. I feel grateful each & every time I enter the Lord’s house. The other day I, with Beth, Diane, Jim, and Dale, had the opportunity to clean the temple. After I had finished my tasks, I walked around to find someone to ask what else I could do. I found myself utterly alone. I looked all around the baptistry, the 1st floor, the 2nd floor before I found someone. Jim suggested a job for me. However, I noticed as I walked all around the Lord’s house alone, I was completely accepted in His house. I felt loved and peaceful and welcome! What an unspeakable blessing it is!
Pres. Howard W. Hunter said, “I know the Lord desires His followers to [look] toward His example & [turn] toward His temples.”
The Lord said, that in His Holy house, “I will manifest myself to my people in mercy.” Who among us doesn’t need the Lord to manifest Himself to us in mercy?
Pres. Howard W. Hunter also said, “All of our efforts in proclaiming the gospel, perfecting the saints, & redeeming the dead lead to the holy temple. This is because temple ordinances are absolutely crucial; we cannot return to God’s presence without them. I will read from D & C 97:15-21. What blessings! Joseph Smith talks about His glory being in the temple. His presence is there. All the pure in heart shall see God, Zion will prosper and spread herself and become very great. Nations will honor Zion. Zion is a city of God. No wonder we feel so wonderful when we are inside those great walls.
I love the Lord so much. I want so much to follow his commandments. I want to return to temple as often as I possibly can; and as often as I possibly can, I want to do work for our own kindred dead. They have been taught by good saints on the other side of the veil and are waiting for us to go and be their proxies. What a wonderful blessing that is for us! The youth performed baptisms for our kindred dead just yesterday. I’m so happy to be there and to watch our faithful youth do this wonderful thing so gratefully. Coleen & I are here to help you accomplish your own family history and genealogy work. We can each play a significant role in the three-fold mission of the church by redeeming our dead. And I say these things in the sacred and holy name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

Daniel's Prophecies of the Last Days

2008-09-04T20:24:00.000-06:00

Daniel’s Prophecies of the Last Days written by Alan Huffcutt of Peoria, Illinois. I honor him for his diligent study of the scriptures and for sharing what he has learned. Thank you, my good friend, Alan!

“And in the latter time of their kingdom, when the transgressors are come to the full, a king of fierce countenance, and understanding dark sentences, shall stand up. And his power shall be mighty, but not by his own power; and he shall destroy wonderfully, and shall prosper, and practise, and destroy the mighty and holy people. And through his policy also he shall cause craft to prosper in his hand; and he shall magnify himself in his heart, and by peace shall destroy many; he shall also stand up against the Prince of princes; but he shall be broken without hand.” [8:23-25]

Beginning on a historical note, Daniel and his three companions were taken captive around 606 BC, which was in the 3rd year of the reign of king Jehoiakim and roughly 20 years before the complete destruction of the great city of Jerusalem. While their parentage is unknown, it is evident from verse 3 of the first chapter that they were carried away as children and that they appear to have been of royal lineage. [see Bible Dictionary, p. 639]

One of the things that makes Daniel so confusing is the extensive focus on the four ancient kingdoms of Babylon, Media / Persia, Greece, and Rome. Reference to these kingdoms starts in Chapter 2 (verses 32-33) with King Nebuchadnezzar’s dream of the “great image” with a head of gold (Babylon), breast and arms of silver (Media / Persia), belly and thighs of brass (Greece), and legs of iron (Rome). This imagery is continued in Chapter 7 with reference to a “lion” (Babylon), a “bear” (Persia), a “leopard” (Greece), and “diverse” (Rome), and again in Chapter 8 with mention of a “ram with two horns” (Media and Persia) and a “he goat” (Greece). While these four kingdoms are now ancient history to us, verse 28 of Chapter 2 makes it clear that they still relate somehow to events of the last days. There it reads “But there is a God in heaven that revealeth secrets, and maketh known to king Nebuchadnezzar what shall be in the latter days.”

Here is the key to interpreting Daniel. Rome was the last major world empire, and the geographical and political fall-outs (i.e., countries, boundaries) from the collapse of the Roman empire are still basically in place (albeit some shifting around). This is what could be meant by the part in verse 7 of Chapter 7 where it says about the Roman empire: “…it devoured and brake in pieces, and stamped the residue with the feet of it;” Although “stamped” has several meanings, here it could imply “set in place.” Several world figures such as Napoleon and Hitler have attempted to create a new world empire since the fall of Rome, but in the end were unsuccessful.

Based on Daniel’s prophecies, it would appear that another great world empire is going to emerge in the last days out of the remnants of the old Roman Empire, which includes present-day Europe, North Africa, Mediterranean / Slovic countries, and the some of the middle East. Continuing with verse 7 in Chapter 7 we read: “… and it was diverse from all the beasts that were before it; and it had ten horns.” Skipping ahead to verse 24 of the same chapter, the 10 horns are explained. There it says: “And the ten horns out of this kingdom are ten kings that shall arise:”

Then it would appear that a fierce and mighty king shall arise and unite these 10 kingdoms, subduing three of them along the way. Restating and completing verse 24 of the Chapter 7: “And the ten horns out of this kingdom are ten kings that shall arise; and another shall rise after them; and he shall be diverse from the first, and he shall subdue three kings.” In verse 8 of Chapter 7 it reads: “I considered the horns, and, behold, there came up among them another little horn, before whom there were three of the first horns plucked up by the roots;”

What is this great king going to be like? In verse 20 of Chapter 7 he is described as someone “…whose look was more stout than his fellows.” In verse 8 of the same chapter it says “…and, behold, in this horn were eyes like the eyes of man, and a mouth speaking great things.” In verse 25 of the same chapter it says: “And he shall speak great words against the most High, and shall wear out the saints of the most High, and think to change times and laws;”

Perhaps the best summary of this king is in the two verses cited at the beginning. As stated in verses 23-24 of Chapter 8: “And in the latter time of their kingdom, when the transgressors are come to the full, a king of fierce countenance, and understanding dark sentences, shall stand up. And his power shall be mighty, but not by his own power; and he shall destroy wonderfully, and shall prosper, and practise, and destroy the mighty and holy people. And through his policy also he shall cause craft to prosper in his hand; and he shall magnify himself in his heart, and by peace shall destroy many; he shall also stand up against the Prince of princes; but he shall be broken without hand.”

Several important things emerge from these two verses. One is that this king’s true source of power will be from Lucifer himself. To use a more common saying, he will be in league with the devil. Another is that he will bring economic prosperity, something which in part helps to explain why he will be so successful. In our world there are many who would overlook certain abuses and undesirable practices if the tradeoff is financial gain.

Although less clear, the phrase “by peace shall destroy many” could also be important. In the early stages of his power, this king could, under the guise of creating and maintaining peace, lay the seeds and begin the process of world domination. Peacekeeping occupations certainly have a precedent. However, at some point the situation will deteriorate to all-out world war, the worst war ever seen on the face of the earth. In verse 1 of Chapter 12 we read: “….and there shall be a time of trouble, such as never was since there was a nation even to that same time:”

What is particularly relevant to us is the implication that this king will persecute those who believe in a power greater than him, namely the Christians and Jews. In verse 21 of Chapter 7 it says: “I beheld, and the same horn made war with the saints, and prevailed against them.” Joseph Fielding Smith [cited in Ludlow, p. 355] notes that “saints” here does indeed include the Latter Day Saints. And, as already read in verse 24 of Chapter 8, he shall destroy the “holy people.”

Interjecting the Doctrine and Covenants, it would appear that the persecution will reach the point where Christians and Jews will flee before him. In Section 133, verses 12-13, it reads: “Let them, therefore, who are among the Gentiles flee unto Zion. And let them who be of Judah flee unto Jerusalem, unto the mountains of the Lord’s house.” The “Lord’s house” here most likely refers to a Temple, and in relation to Jerusalem, the rebuilt temple of Solomon. Joseph Smith prophesied that the Jerusalem temple would be rebuilt and functioning before the Second Coming [Teachings, p. 286].

Where will this great king come from? While the 10 nations come out of the remnants of the Roman empire, this king will emerge from the remnants of Greece. When Alexander the Great was killed his kingdom was not continued with his seed, but rather was divided among four of his generals. This division is noted in verse 8 of Chapter 8 where it says: “Therefore the he goat [Greece] waxed very great; and when he was strong, the great horn [Alexander the Great] was broken; and for it came up four notable ones…” Continuing on to verse 9, we read “And out of one of them came forth a little horn, which waxed exceeding[ly] great,” The same theme is noted in verses 22 and 23: “Now that [Alexander the Great] being broken, where as four stood up for it, four kingdoms shall stand up out of the nation, but not in his power. And in the latter time of their kingdom, when the transgressors are come to the full, a king of fierce countenance, and understanding dark sentences, shall stand up.”
While the goal of this king will probably be nothing short of world domination, it appears that he will not attempt to conquer Israel until later on in his reign, probably because of Israel’s extensive military might and armament. Once his focus is on Israel, he will gather the multitudes of his armies together and march on Israel, leading to the infamous battle of Armageddon. As noted in Daniel 12:11, it would appear that the siege and partial occupation will last roughly 3 ½ years. There it says: “And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the abomination that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.”

There is even the suggestion that at some point this king may desecrate the rebuilt Temple of Jerusalem and from there challenge even the Savior Himself. In verses 10 and 12 of Chapter 8 we read: “And it waxed great, even to the host of heaven; and it cast down some of the host and of the stars to the ground, and stamped upon them. Yea, he magnified himself even to the prince of the host [Christ], and by him the daily sacrifice was taken away, and the place of his sanctuary was cast down.”

How long will this king prevail against the world and the saints? His success will continue until Adam returns and calls his children together one more time at the Great Council at Adam-ondi-Ahman. Adding verse 22 to verse 21 of Chapter 7, we get the following: “I beheld, and the same horn made war with the saints, and prevailed against them; Until the Ancient of days came, and judgment was given to the saints of the most High;”

Just like Michael led the charge in the Great War in Heaven where 1/3 of the hosts were cast out, there is a suggestion that he will lead the charge this time in the final, great, and terrible battle. This battle will be the most extensive and devastating one ever seen on the face of the earth. In verse 1 of Chapter 12 we read: “And at that time shall Michael stand up, the great prince which standest for the children of thy people: and there shall be a time of trouble, such as never was since there was a nation even to that same time:”

In summary, the main contribution of Daniel to our understanding of the great events of the last days is his description of the emergence of the 10-nation alliance and the fierce king who will unite them, and the general local where each will come from. This is one piece of the larger puzzle, albeit one very important piece. There are much better sources for the actual battle of Armageddon, for example, including Chapter 38 and 39 of Ezekiel and Parley P. Pratt’s A Voice of Warning, and of the plagues and calamities that will occur in the last days, including the Book of Revelation. Nonetheless, Daniel provides key information that is difficult to find in other sources.

One final note. The infamous “stone cut out without hands” that is described in Chapter 2 was not addressed in this paper. Obviously the stone is the restored gospel and in the end the nations of the earth, including the 10-nation alliance which emerges from the remnants of the Roman Empire will be subsumed under the new political government established by the Savior during the Millennium. This is more of the outcome, while the contents of this paper are focused more on the process.

Developing Christlike Attributes

2008-09-04T20:21:00.001-06:00

Jan. 1, 2006

I want to begin by reviewing what we already know about baptism. It is an ordinance, which is a sacred rite by which we make covenants with God. We know a covenant is a solemn agreement between God and His children, and those covenants bring us blessings. We are baptized by immersion for the remission of sins. When we are baptized, we begin a new life of commitment to Christ. Baptism must be performed by one holding priesthood authority. And we renew our baptismal covenants by partaking of the sacrament weekly.
We know Jesus Christ was baptized by immersion by one having authority. We know Christ is our Savior and our Redeemer. He is also our Exemplar. When we are baptized, we not only enter the gate necessary for eternal life, we begin to follow Christ. He led the way. We need to look to Him as a pattern for living our lives.
At the beginning of His mortal ministry, Jesus Christ walked along the shore of the Sea of Galilee and called out to two fishermen, Peter and Andrew. “Follow me,” He said, “and I will make you fishers of men.” The invitation to follow Christ is an invitation to follow His example and to become like Him.
The restored gospel enables you to become like Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The Savior has shown the way. He has set the perfect example, and He commands us to become as He is. Learn of Him and seek to incorporate His attributes into your life. Through the power of His Atonement, you can achieve this goal and lead others to achieve it also.
Christlike attributes are gifts from God. They come as you use your agency righteously. Ask your Heavenly Father to bless you with these attributes; you cannot develop them with His help. With a desire to please God, recognize your weaknesses and be willing and anxious to improve.
Moroni 8: 25-26 teaches us the relationship between the first principles of the gospel and Christlike attributes. “And the first fruits of repentance is baptism; and baptism cometh by faith unto the fulfilling the commandments; and the fulfilling the commandments bringeth remission of sins; And the remission of sins bringeth meekness and lowliness of heart; and because of meekness and lowliness of heart cometh the visitation of the Holy Ghost, which Comforter filleth with hope and perfect love, which love endureth by diligence unto prayer, until the end shall come, when all the saints shall dwell with God.”
I will outline briefly nine Christlike attributes we can develop, not all at once, of course. However it is possible to work on each individually through study and prayer.
The first is faith in Jesus Christ. Ether 12:6 states, “faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” A great blessing that comes from faith is clearly put forth by Christ himself in the gospel of John. “I am the way, the truth, and the life; no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.”
Hope is a second attribute and is an abiding trust that the Lord will fulfill His promises to you. It is manifested in confidence, optimism, enthusiasm, and patient perseverance. When you have hope, you work through your trials and difficulties with the confidence and assurance that all things will work together for your good. Hope helps you conquer discouragement. Pres. James E. Faust taught, “Hope is the anchor of our souls. Hope is the trust in God’s promises, faith that if we act now, the desired blessings will be fulfilled in the future.”
A third attribute is appropriately virtue, which originates in our innermost thoughts and desires. Since the Holy Ghost does not dwell in unclean tabernacles, virtue is prerequisite to receiving the Spirit’s guidance. Virtuous people are clean and pure spiritually. They focus on righteous, uplifting thoughts and put unworthy thoughts that lead to inappropriate actions out of their minds. They obey God’s commandments and follow the counsel of Church leaders. They pray for strength to resist temptation and do what is right.
Another important Christlike attribute is knowledge. Very wise counsel is found in the Book of Mormon in 2 Nephi 32:3 “feast upon the words of Christ, for behold, the words of Christ will tell you all things what ye should do.” The Lord commands us to “seek learning, even by study and also by faith.” He also warned, “It is impossible for a man to be saved in ignorance.” Study the scriptures everyday; seek help for specific questions and challenges. You can also gain knowledge by watching and listening to others, especially church leaders. Nephi said, “My soul delighteth in the scriptures, and my heart pondereth them. Behold my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.”
Next I’ll discuss an attribute which most people say they struggle with greatly: patience. Mosiah 23:21 warns, “Nevertheless the Lord seeth fit to chasten his people; yea, he trieth their patience and their faith.” Patience is the capacity to endure delay, trouble, opposition, or suffering without becoming angry, frustrated or anxious. It is the ability to do God’s will and accept His timing.
Of course, an imperative attribute is humility. Ammon understood humility. He recognized his nothingness and weakness. He did not boast of himself, but of God. He knew it is through Christ’s strength many mighty miracles have been performed. We must understand, though, that humility is not weakness, it is a spiritual strength. When you humbly trust Him and acknowledge His power and mercy, you can have the assurance that His commandments are for your good.
Diligence may be an oft forgotten Christlike attribute. It is a steady, consistent, earnest, and energetic effort in doing the Lord’s work. Mormon wrote to his son, Moroni this counsel on diligence in Moroni 9:6. “And now, by beloved son, not withstanding their hardness, let us labor diligently; for if we should cease to labor, we should be brought under condemnation; for we have a labor to perform whilst in this tabernacle of clay, that we may conquer the enemy of all righteousness, and rest our souls in the kingdom of God.”
Everyone may be waiting for this next attribute because of its significance and that is obedience. Elder L. Tom Perry gives a great reason for obedience. He states, “The discipline contained in daily obedience and clean living and wholesome lives builds an armor around you of protection and safety from the temptations that beset you as you proceed through mortality.” As you obey, you increase in faith, knowledge, wisdom, testimony, protection, and freedom.
I have saved the best for last. I will use Mormon’s immortal words on this topic as found in Moroni 7:45-48. “And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, if ye have not charity, ye are nothing, for charity never faileth. Wherefore, cleave unto charity, which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him. Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons [and daughters] of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen.
I can promise you as you begin to be filled with this love, your love for all people will increase. You will come to feel a sincere concern for the eternal welfare and happiness of other people. You will see them as children of God with the potential of becoming like our Heavenly Father. You will avoid negative feelings such as anger, envy, lust, or covetousness. Charity, like faith, leads to action.
I want to bear testimony that these things are possible. Just have patience with yourself, and know you can learn these things line upon line and precept upon precept, here a little and there a little. Make changes as you are ready and your life will be full beyond measure and you will have great joy.

BECOMING A PEOPLE OF ZION

2008-09-04T20:15:00.000-06:00

Originally written and given in branch November 14, 2004 & re-written for second talk in April 2008 in Ephraim 2nd Ward.

I’m pretty excited about speaking. In our branch I was given the opportunity to talk many, many times, especially since my husband was the B.P. If someone would call some time during the week to say they couldn’t come on Sunday for whatever reason & it was their turn to talk, I’d hear “hon-nee” & I’d know it was my turn again.

The Bishopric has asked us to speak on “Reverence in Sacrament”. I haven’t noticed a big problem with that or anything, but we can all improve on reverence. I have noticed the Church ramping things up, expecting more & more, and I believe this is all for our own good and for the good of the kingdom. My immediate thought about this topic is that to me reverence means awe. In order to generate awe for Christ and His gospel, I need to feel grateful. So one thing we could each do is to create a list of all the things for which we are most grateful. As we refer to that list often, perhaps on Sunday morning prior to our meeting, we would each generate deep feelings of awe for our Father in Heaven & for His son, Jesus Christ and for all that They have provided to us.

The second thought I had was that if we, Ephraim 2nd Ward, were to become more fully a people of Zion, then naturally reverence would follow.

What is Zion? D & C 97:21 defines it one-way as “The Pure in Heart”. Verse 18 of that section says, “And, now, behold, if Zion do these things she shall prosper, and spread herself”. So, what are these things? You have to begin w/ v. 8, “Verily I say unto you, all among them who know their hearts are honest, and are broken, and their spirits contrite, and are willing to observe their covenants by sacrifice—yea, every sacrifice which I, the Lord, shall command—they are accepted of me.” So, we are required to offer a broken & honest heart and a contrite spirit and are willing to observe our covenants by sacrifice (every commanded sacrifice) and then that will be accepted by the Lord.

If we read on in D & C 97, we learn we must build temples—and I suppose that effort is done by us through a full and honest tithe—and attend them often for offering thanks, receiving instruction, that we may be perfected in the understanding of our ministries, in theories, in principle, in doctrine, and in all things pertaining to the kingdom of God on the earth. As we do these simple and wonderful things, Zion will escape the Lord’s indignation at His coming. The Lord also tells us what will happen if we do not do these things. It is found in verse 26, not pleasant. If we do what is commanded, we read that we will be blessed w/ blessings and He will multiply a multiplicity of blessings, which sounds to me like many, mighty miracles.

Spencer W. Kimball, “Becoming the Pure in Heart,” Ensign, Mar. 1985, 3I should like to talk about the building of Zion through sacrifice and consecration. For many years we have been taught that one important end result of our labors, hopes, and aspirations is the building of a Latter-day Zion, a Zion characterized by love, harmony, and peace—a Zion in which the Lord’s children are as one.

The vision of what we are about and what should come of our labors must be kept uppermost in our minds as we learn and do our duty in all aspects of gospel living and Church activities. In the fifty-eighth section of the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord shares with us a glimpse of this Latter-day Zion:
“Ye cannot behold with your natural eyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the glory which shall follow after much tribulation.
“For after much tribulation come the blessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be crowned with much glory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand. …
“Behold, verily I say unto you, for this cause I have sent you—that you might be obedient, and that your hearts might be prepared to bear testimony of the things which are to come;
“And also that you might be honored in laying the foundation, and in bearing record of the land upon which the Zion of God shall stand; …
“And after that cometh the day of my power; then shall the poor, the lame, and the blind, and the deaf, come in unto the marriage of the Lamb, and partake of the supper of the Lord, prepared for the great day to come.
“Behold, I, the Lord, have spoken it.” (D&C 58:3-12.)

This day will come; it is our destiny to help bring it about! Doesn’t it motivate you to lengthen your stride and quicken your pace as you do your part in the great sanctifying work of the kingdom? It does me. It causes me to rejoice over the many opportunities for service and sacrifice afforded my family and me as we seek to do our part in establishing Zion.
In the earliest years of this dispensation the people faltered in attempting to live the full plan of Zion. Because of their transgressions, the Lord chastened them in these words: “Behold, they have not learned to be obedient to the things which I required at their hands, but are full of all manner of evil, and do not impart of their substance, as becometh saints, to the poor and afflicted among them; “And are not united according to the union required by the law of the celestial kingdom; “And Zion cannot be built up unless it is by the principles of the law of the celestial kingdom; otherwise I cannot receive her unto myself.” (D&C 105:3-5.)
The Lord further counsels that we must learn obedience and be developed in character before he can redeem Zion. (See D&C 105:9-10.)

If we ignore these commandments and just go about doing the bare minimum, and I suppose that includes not paying a full and honest tithe, not magnifying our callings, not attending the temple as often as possible, not sharing the gospel, not searching out our kindred dead, not helping those who need our help, not partaking of the sacrament, not honoring our baptismal and temple covenants, well D & C 97:26 tells us what will happen.

Creating Zion “commences in the heart of each person.” (Journal of Discourses, 9:283.) The prophets saw that it would take some time to learn our lessons. In 1863 Brigham Young stated:
“If the people neglect their duty, turn away from the holy commandments which God has given us, seek their own individual wealth, and neglect the interests of the kingdom of God, we may expect to be here quite a time—perhaps a period that will be far longer than we anticipate.” (Journal of Discourses, 11:102.)

Unfortunately we live in a world that largely rejects the values of Zion. Babylon has not and never will comprehend Zion. The Lord revealed our times to the prophet Mormon, who recorded this statement in a closing chapter of the Book of Mormon: “Behold, I speak unto you as if ye were present, and yet ye are not. But … Jesus Christ hath shown you unto me, and I know your doing. “For behold, ye do love money, and your substance, and your fine apparel, and the adorning of your churches, more than ye love the poor and the needy, the sick and the afflicted.” (Morm. 8:35, 37.)

This state of affairs stands in marked contrast to the Zion the Lord seeks to establish through his covenant people. Zion can be built up only among those who are the pure in heart—not a people torn by covetousness or greed, but a pure and selfless people, not a people who are pure in appearance, rather a people who are pure in heart. Zion is to be in the world and not of the world, not dulled by a sense of carnal security, nor paralyzed by materialism. No, Zion is not things of the lower, but of the higher order, things that exalt the mind and sanctify the heart.
Zion is “every man seeking the interest of his neighbor, and doing all things with an eye single to the glory of God.” (D&C 82:19.) As I understand these matters, Zion can be established only by those who are pure in heart, and who labor for Zion, for “the laborer in Zion shall labor for Zion; for if they labor for money they shall perish.” (2 Ne. 26:31.)

As important as it is to have this vision in mind, defining and describing Zion will not bring it about. Every single member of the Church can only do that through consistent and concerted daily effort. No matter what the cost in toil or sacrifice, we must “do it.” That is one of my favorite phrases: “Do It.” May I suggest three fundamental things we must do if we are to “bring again Zion,” three things for which we who labor for Zion must commit ourselves.
First, we must eliminate the individual tendency to selfishness that snares the soul, shrinks the heart, and darkens the mind. President Marion G. Romney has referred to the tragic cycle of civilization, a cycle propelled by anyone who seeks for power and gain. Was it not this that led Cain to commit the first murder “for the sake of getting gain”? (Moses 5:50.) Is not this the spirit of the anti-Christ in which “every man prospered according to his genius, and … every man conquered according to his strength; and whatsoever a man did was no crime”? (Alma 30:17.) Did not Nephi single this out as the spirit, which led his generation to destruction?
“Now the cause of this iniquity of the people was this—Satan had great power, unto the stirring up of the people to do all manner of iniquity, and to the puffing them up with pride, tempting them to seek for power, and authority, and riches, and the vain things of the world.” (3 Ne. 6:15.)

If we are to avoid their fate, we must guard against the very things that caused their downfall. The Lord himself declared to our grandparents: “And again, I command thee that thou shalt not covet thine property.” (D&C 19:26.) He further counseled his young church by saying: “Behold, I, the Lord, am not well pleased with many who are in the church at Kirtland: “For they do not forsake their sins, and their wicked ways, the pride of their hearts, and their covetousness, and all their detestable things, and observe the words of wisdom and eternal life which I have given unto them.” (D&C 98:19-20.) It is incumbent upon us to put away selfishness in our families, our business and professional pursuits, and our Church affairs.

Second, we must cooperate completely and work in harmony one with the other. There must be unanimity in our decisions and unity in our actions. After pleading with the Saints to “let every man esteem his brother as himself” (D&C 38:24), the Lord concludes his instructions on cooperation to a conference of the membership in these powerful words: “Behold, this I have given unto you as a parable, and it is even as I am. I say unto you, be one; and if ye are not one ye are not mine.” (D&C 38:27.)

If the Spirit of the Lord is to magnify our labors, then this spirit of oneness and cooperation must be the prevailing spirit in all that we do. Moreover, when we do so, we are told by the Prophet Joseph Smith “the greatest temporal and spiritual blessings which always come from faithfulness and concentrated effort, never attended individual exertion or enterprise.” (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 183.)

Third, we must sacrifice whatever the Lord requires. We begin by offering a “broken heart and a contrite spirit.” We follow this by giving our best effort in our assigned fields of labor and in our callings. We learn our duty and execute it fully. Finally we consecrate our time, talents, and means as called upon by our leaders and as prompted by the whisperings of the Spirit. In the Church, we can give expression to every ability, every righteous desire, and every thoughtful impulse. Whether a volunteer, father, home teacher, bishop, or neighbor, whether a visiting teacher, mother, homemaker, or friend—there is ample opportunity to give our all. And as we give, we find that “sacrifice brings forth the blessings of heaven!” (Hymns, no. 147.) And in the end, we learn it was no sacrifice at all.

My brothers and sisters, if we can do this, then we will find ourselves clothed in the mantle of charity “which is the greatest of all, for all things must fail—“But charity is the pure love of Christ, and it endureth forever; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with him.” (Moro. 7:46-47.)

I can see a real dividing happening between two very different sides. I heard a BYU professor recently say on one side are the Saints, and on the opposite side are the Aints, and all across the middle are the Complaints. I am afraid that many of the complaints are members of the church, of course some in name only, but others who just do the bare minimum. I’ve noticed two central themes in our most recent Stake Conference. They were temple work and missionary work. I realize how important those two things are to the building up the kingdom of God on the earth and to the establishment of Zion. I do know that when we do those two things, then we become perfected ourselves and the three-fold mission of the church is satisfied.

I will now go off topic just temporarily. This idea of becoming perfected in Christ, the third mission of the church to perfect the Saints, is a doable concept. But I feel it is important to remember we may not be talking about perfection, as we understand it currently. We are talking about completeness in Christ. I think of it as a child just learning to ride a bike. That child has his father or mother or brother or sister hanging on to the back of the bike. The child is apprehensive, maybe even afraid, but will try as long as the person doesn’t let go of the back of bike until he or she feels ready to ride on his or her own. Such is our relationship w/ Christ. We may feel apprehensive or afraid to do or live all the commandments, but when we have connected ourselves to Him, yoked our lives to His, then we can and will accomplish all things. We can become perfect or complete in and through Jesus Christ. He is reaching out to us waiting for us to hold onto to Him and then He will not let go.

Now, back, how do we become a city of Zion? We can always look to examples found in the scriptures. The city of holiness, city of Zion, city of Enoch we read about in Moses 7 teaches us that those people were of one heart and one mind and dwelt in righteousness and there were no poor among them. I am assuming that the no poor among them is referring to those who were also of one heart and one mind and who also dwelt in righteousness.

In Colossians 2:2, we are told that their hearts should be and probably were knit together in love. How do we show that love? We show that pure love through our actions, not just our prayers. Christ is our exemplar. His heart is knit together in love w/ the Father and with us.
Let us unite and pray with all the energy of heart, that this bond of charity may seal us; that we may build up this latter-day Zion, that the kingdom of God may go forth, so that the kingdom of heaven may come.

Philosophies

2008-09-04T19:52:00.001-06:00

Philosophies was originally written in the summer of 2001. I may be adding to this one later.

#1 Inner-Onion Theory – I live every moment I can as an inner-onion. I have stripped away the protective outer layers of my spirit to expose my core being. I want to be the person I am at my core to show through. At my core, I am love. I want to be accepting of anyone, but it is not unconditional. The other person must, at some time, have exposed himself or herself to me. I dislike polite, uniform, and pat questions and answers. Those exchanges take place when two people begin conversation. I look forward to the stuff after those exchanges. I have exposed my dragon heart; the heart that beats to love others. It is through that heart that I can also be struck down. When I leave myself so open and vulnerable, I occasionally become hurt. I try to read people through their words & actions. People are so ready to squelch these deep emotions. I am ready to feed them. Deep emotions make people so uncomfortable; they make me happy to be alive.

#2 Looking for a good quality in every individual – I need to find something, some quality which make each individual special. Even the people who ridicule & roll their eyes at me, I need to find something that I can like in their personality. Each of us has the capacity to harbor any emotion or characteristic. It is up to us, each one of us, to decide which qualities we want to incorporate & which we will discard. When I was young & still developing my own personality, I recall trying different personalities on like a new coat. I consciously watched other girls & boys; then thought I like the way she is outgoing, the way she takes charge, the way she leads, the way she follows, the way she laughs, the way he is accepting of everyone, the way he is definite about his preferences. I tried each quality on, discarded some, and stored others away for a time I knew I would use them. I also remember deciding what my priorities were, and then filtering every decision through my list of priorities. I talked many years ago with a mother of a teenage friend about these things. She acted very young for her middle age. She had adopted children late in life, while in her forties. She was now in her late fifties w/ three teenagers. We discussed standards & priorities & what I felt would make a marriage work. She gently confided in me that times change, marriages grow, they ebb & flow, and to survive these changes in feelings & priorities, we need to remain flexible & remember the reason we chose one another. Marriages do change; they are alive. They do not remain stagnant. They need attention & flexibility, as does each person. We are not the same as we were when we committed to be together. We must always look for new reasons to love one another and be appreciative of the small moments. This philosophy applies to all relationships.

#3 1. If I don’t get to know seriously, intimately, and deeply the people in my life, I am wasting my minutes. We are only given each minute, one minute at a time. I want every encounter w/ you to be precious. It doesn’t always have to be intense, but it does have to be real.
2. Whatever experience anyone has had, it is worth having lived. A tortured life, the worst possible life is still worth having lived.
3. You can’t make points in next life by doing busy work in this life. Busy work wastes minutes.
4. I want to explain the onion theory & I want to take you to a place to show you how I live every minute of every day as an inner onion.
5. I am not broken. I do not need fixed. I work very hard every day to be devoted, dedicated, and loving. I don't really like it when people say they are glad I've gotten "passed it", meaning my past. I do not want to move passed my past. Those experiences have taught me so much. They are a part of me and of my spirit. I treasure all my experiences because they all lead me to my Savior, Jesus Christ and to His gospel. I'm thankful everyday for that!!

What Jesus Christ Means to Me

2008-09-04T19:44:00.002-06:00

What the Atonement means to me
By Alicia C. Ferree

I felt a presence in my life. Someone was watching over me. I do not know how many times that someone protected me, helped me, or saved me. I remember as I got older, I took long walks in the woods or bike rides in the country. I spoke out loud to my invisible companion and felt I was being heard. Those times provided me with the fuel I needed to make it through the coming dark hours. I was never abandoned or totally alone. Someone was there with me, bearing my load and burdens. I have so much gratitude for those times. I know now because I looked to the only being I could, God, my Heavenly Father that He gave me Jesus Christ to be my protector. It was He that bore my deep sorrow and pain. It was He that filled my soul with solace, peace which passeth all understanding, to endure what was coming and what I had already been through. By the divine power of the Holy Spirit, I was comforted, and I felt a deep and abiding love from my true Savior and my Heavenly Father.
It is truly amazing how we can, as human beings, feel two opposing feelings and think two polar opposite thoughts in the same instant. However, after my son’s birth, I started to recall (or the spirit gently reminded me) those times when I felt a divine presence in my life. I wanted a positive life for my new family. I started to read the bible again and looked to God once again for help and love. Christ again, through the power of the Holy Spirit, began to manifest himself in my life. I began to seriously question religion. I had attended church fairly regularly alone from the age of eight, but had not really sought out answers. I did not want to attend a church of man, but I wanted to find the church of God. I questioned if there was such a church. I began to attend several types of churches. I asked questions of the members and clergy and attempted to live their doctrines. However, I heard too often an answer such as, “We just don’t know the answers to such questions. That’s where faith comes in.” That was a very unsatisfactory answer to me. I searched for five long years. I could find no complete doctrine or religion. I resigned myself to the idea that God created many different churches to satisfy individual needs. I did not like that conclusion, but could not think of an alternative with the knowledge I had gained to that point.
I continued to read in the bible and pray out loud in daily walks or sitting in nature alone at sunset. One day, my three-year old son surprised me by quoting a passage from the book of Daniel. I knew I had never read Daniel to him before. I heard what he said and asked him to repeat it to me. Then I searched and found the passage. I was excited and awestruck. I knew God knew about us and was aware of my search. He gave me that miracle to refuel me as he had done many times in the past. That experience took me through another year, when my daughter, at 22 months, pointed to a corner of the room, giggled, and said, “Jesus!” I looked and saw nothing. She said, again pointing, “Jesus, mommy!” Again I felt amazement and awe. I had two special spirits as my children. God had a purpose for me, yet I didn’t know what it was.

Just over a year later, two young men knocked on my door with a most wonderful message. They were there to tell me that God’s true church had been restored in its fullness to the earth. I did not immediately accept that idea, but felt anxious to know more of this church, about which I knew nothing at all.
They said they had a message about Jesus Christ they would like to share w/ me. I immediately felt a spirit about them. I felt a presence. That presence was, of course, the Holy Spirit again. I felt it and recognized it. I felt I was being lead. They taught me about Joseph Smith and the restoration. I remember they introduced me to the Book of Mormon and had me read from Moroni 10:3-5. They asked me to explain it to them. I really didn't understand it. I needed them to explain it to me. It is a promise that if we truly want to know truth, we can pray with a sincere and honest heart, and the truthfulness of that thing will be revealed to us by the power of the Holy Spirit.
I was struck most by the fact that they believed and testified that there was a "TRUE CHURCH" on the earth. I loved that idea! I had no idea of any such church. They asked me if I knew anything about their church. I did not. I knew there was a Mormon Tabernacle Choir, the Osmonds were Mormons, and I saw commercials on TV from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but had no idea they were the same church. I never saw a missionary before in my life.
I asked them if they would mind coming back to share everything they told me with my husband. They said they would love to meet with my husband. They gave me a copy of the Book of Mormon and a reading assignment (3 Nephi 11-27). We made an appointment for that following Sunday evening when I knew Clyde would be home. I told Clyde about it that night. He did know about the church. He had seen missionaries in Havana, two boys in suits and white shirts on bikes going door to door. He said he'd give them 30 minutes. If he didn't like what they had to say, he would leave the room. I said, "Fair enough!"
They arrived for the appointment and stayed two hours. They came everyday after that. They taught Clyde what they had already taught me. Nearly every time they came, they brought a different video for us to watch, like "Together Forever" and "Labor of Love" and several others. On the 2nd discussion, they challenged us to be baptised. I said to them that I had no interest in joining their church and or any church. I just simply wanted to know everything they knew about their church and about Christ. I was still in the mindset that there was no true church and that I would take bits and pieces and construct my own belief system. Wednesday we had the 3rd discussion. They again challenged us to baptism. We again said no. Thursday we planned to have the discussion without interruption of the children. So we got a sitter and went to a park. We played and joked and had the 4th discussion. I began to realize this was a truly special church. I had just that day read in 2 Nephi 31:14. It reads, "But, behold my beloved brethren, thus came the voice of the Son unto me, saying: After ye have repented of your sins, and witnessed unto the Father that ye are willing to keep my commandments, by the baptism of water, and have received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, and can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels, and after this should deny me, it would have been better for you that ye had not known me." That scripture struck me harder than any other scripture to that point. I knew I had not been baptised yet, but I also knew that I could no longer just accept bits and pieces of the doctrine. I knew that I believed it was true, and if I knew that, then God knew I knew it. I thought, "How can I deny this? If I do, the scripture says, 'it would have been better for you that ye had not known me'." That seemed like quite a serious warning to me! I knew they would ask us again that night to be baptised. They did and I answered that we would discuss it and let them know. I knew in my heart what was right and knew I needed to accept it all and change my life, but I would not do it without my husband. Clyde and I talked about it for an hour. I told Clyde that this decision was very serious. This requires a lifetime commitment. Either we do it all the way forever or we don't. Clyde said if I felt that seriously about it, we should do it. I was so relieved! I immediately called the missionaries and told them.
I knew it was true, all of it, and it felt like I was remembering everything rather than learning new doctrine. It wasn’t so easy for me, but the church was great! I loved it so much. It was so different than any other church. I was thrilled to finally have the truth. I rarely ate. I felt spiritually fed for the first time in my life. I felt like I had been starving and dying of thirst, but did not know it. I felt the light and the love and the peace of the gospel and needed no other nourishment. I used Moroni ‘s promise found in Moroni 10 with every point of the gospel. I prayed on my knees. I asked Heavenly Father to give me "eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to understand". I asked for spiritual eyes and ears and heart.
When I read Enos' prayer, I tried that and prayed 30 minutes. Each point of the gospel, I read about, pondered, prayed, and testified. My faith grew and grew by leaps and bounds, but it still was line upon line, precept upon precept. Heavenly Father was very patient with me. He still is. I still go to him with questions and he answers them in the scriptures or in modern-day prophecies. Each new thing I learned, I took in and pondered and prayed and studied and asked until I could make it a part of me. I still feel very enthusiastic about the gospel. I am still studying and praying and learning and asking. This is a perfect gospel, the people are not perfect, but the gospel is.

I knew one’s spirit could grow, so I determined the reverse was also possible. So, I turned to the only source I could to find relief and help and healing. I knelt and prayed fervently for mercy and forgiveness. I knew I had to repent of those years I had spent in rebellion. I knew also I had been like the lost sheep, who had wandered off the path and found himself alone in the wilderness. I knew I had been like the lost coin, dropped and lost and hidden out of sight. I had value, but was still lost. It was Christ who knew I was that Prodigal Son, that lost sheep, and that lost coin. When I turned back to Him, I wanted to seriously repent and follow Him, and it was He who came after me, took me in His arms and forgave me.
There is another scripture in the Book of Mormon, which describes perfectly my feeling at this time on my knees. It is found in Alma 36. It reads: “But I was racked with eternal torment, for my soul was harrowed up to the greatest degree and racked with all my sins. Yea, I did remember all my sins and iniquities, for which I was tormented with the pains of hell; yea, I saw that I had rebelled against my God, and that I had not kept his holy commandments. Yea, and in fine so great had been my iniquities, that the very thought of coming into the presence of my God did rack my soul with inexpressible horror. Oh, thought I, that I could be banished and become extinct both soul and body, that I might not be brought to stand in the presence of my God, to be judged of my deeds. And now, for three days and for three nights was I racked, even with the pains of a damned soul. And it came to pass that as I was thus racked with torment, while I was harrowed up by the memory of my many sins, behold, I remembered also to have heard my father prophesy unto the people concerning the coming of one Jesus Christ, a Son of God, to atone for the sins of the world. Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death. And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain! Yea, I say unto you that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy.”
I can understand these words of Alma. That is how I felt about my own sins, rebellious nature, and pains I had suffered. I wanted to come back and come unto Christ. I wanted so desperately to be counted as my Heavenly Father’s daughter. I needed forgiveness, love, acceptance, and healing. I wanted to live with Him again.
During my prayer, a miracle happened, as had happened to Alma. I felt forgiveness wash over me. I felt my wounds heal up and I became whole. I felt these giant, gaping, oozing, and bleeding holes and wounds in my spirit close up, however they were not just closed, but filled with peace. He used peace to heal me, to reassure me of His great and merciful love. The sensation was physical. I actually remember looking down at my body, especially my heart, and sensing healing and forgiveness. It was yet another remarkable and very sacred experience. I wanted to share it with you because it is my testimony that I know this is Christ's true church. It is the only true church on the earth today. It is the restored church and gospel established by Christ himself and I love it. I am so grateful for it. I am so thankful that we get to teach others about it. I hope it brings people as much joy and fulfillment as it has brought my family and me! I know this church is true. I know Heavenly Father lives and loves us perfectly and completely. I know Jesus is The Christ and our Savior, our Redeemer, our Exemplar, our friend. I know Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God and restored this church to the earth never to be taken away. I know Thomas S. Monson is our Prophet today. He loves us so much. I know he leads and guides this church and can speak for Jesus Christ. I know the Book of Mormon, The Holy Bible, and the other scriptures are the word of God and are to be read and studied and appreciated. I am so grateful for the missionary program of the church. I feel it saved our lives and blesses us everyday.
I realize I have spoken many bold words to you already. However, I am going to speak something else very bold and I want you to understand that I know of the seriousness of my words. They are:
I say and testify that all my words are true and say it in the sacred and holy name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

SEEKING PEACE: The Book Chapter One

2008-09-04T17:40:00.000-06:00

This is a fictional story begun in August 2001, so it is a work in progress. I will be adding to it regularly. Edited September 6, 2008.

Chapter One

Colleen sits at the water's edge seeking peace and serenity. Water has always had a calming effect on her. No matter where she lived or what the circumstances were she sought a quiet spot next to some body of water. The gulf in Texas, the lake in Missouri, the river and gurgling stream in Illinois, or the ocean back east. Even a small fishing pond could work magic. Her spirit leads her toward that source of calm always at the most crucial moment, to save her. She is seated on a rock and takes in the view of the river, wide and slick as glass. Suddenly two beautiful, regal, white birds catch her attention. She briefly wonders what they are, herons maybe, but they're white, not blue as she has seen them before. Colleen has looked forward to this day more than she could express. Finding a place, a nearly secret place, and a peaceful safe location to let her mind be free and open. Much planning and praying has lead her to this moment. There are too many unanswered questions. "It's too difficult to think clearly," Colleen recalls explaining to her loving, devoted husband. And then added the thought silently, "let alone come up with honest answers in the noisy, needy world." She hopes can find real solace to quiet her mind. The present bursts back into her attention as hears the noises found at the water’s edge in the woods. Civilization is only a couple of miles away, and yet she feels so secluded here. She sits quietly, letting the surroundings ease their way up to her, to include her, slowly, peacefully. Nature does not intrude. Always active and alive, nature's quietness envelopes a person; it nudges next to the body's protective bubble. Nature seems to say, “we are here. If you allow us, we can help you to be a party to where you are. You can become just another living organism, not an intruder, but one of us. Feel what we feel; let the earth and the water and the trees and the birds and the insects, and the creeping things all become one with you.” She inhales deeply and breathes it in, like it is a mist all around her. She gasps as she comprehends spirit-filled air; she feels each spirit of every living thing flow around her. Serenity is now taking her over. She is feeling relaxed, expecting nothing, but what she allows herself to feel. She is in control and free at once. She slowly stands, hoping not to alert the spirit she is experiencing causing it to flee. Walking, she is relieved nothing has retreated. Shaking her head, she moves into the enclosed porch of rugged, family cabin. When she came here the first time, she was immediately taken back to her childhood. Her grandparents' cabin (their home, really) was a reprieve from the world. Memories flood like a dam has broken. She permits these memories to enter and she smiles. Her parents visited there nearly every single weekend. Next to the Kaskaskia River, perhaps there was the source of the safety and love she feels for the water. She remembers when her parents drove down the lane to “The Clubhouse” as it was affectionately named, she could sense a refuge, though she did not have the vocabulary to name it then. She would spend the next two days in a parallel universe. This is what she remembers as she sits in the cabin now, on the front porch, looking out on the lake through the army of tree trunks. She allows her imagination to begin to take over. She sees each tree standing proud, facing every direction, as her personal military unit. She would salute if she wouldn't feel ridiculous doing that. However, she is secretly pleased they are there if she needs them. And she does, more than the nature could know; she needs guarded, helped, rescued. The nightmares are coming more regularly. She will deal with them later. She has to ascertain why she makes some of the choices she does. They, those choices, are against everything she thought...no, she knew she believed. She sits alone, secluded from the world and within herself. She must ask herself the tough questions and explore deep in the darkest recesses of her consciousness to locate where she began to deviate from the truth. "Am I brave enough?" she whispers to the trees. "How I can possibly do this alone? Where is my knight in shining armor to rescue me from this prison? No...wait, it's not a prison. I am in a castle turret. Knight, armor, castle...I'm on a quest! Yes, that's it. That's where I find my courage! I am not alone. I...have...me." She emphasized each word to build the up the courage in her heart. "There is an experienced spirit within me." She imagines herself long ago, before this life. She is standing before Heavenly Father agreeing to this life. "Obviously, I have all I need to survive." She feels frustrated by that word--survive. "I don't just want to survive!" The words flow out of her with such fervor that several birds burst forth from their perches, obviously startled. Reality rushes back. She shakes her head, puts her head into her palms. Her palms are a comfort. The soft flesh on flesh, and warmth against warmth is so soothing. It seems there is some long-buried memory of her loving Father taking her face into his large hands with deep warmth and love. She envisions leaning her cheeks deep into His hands and breathing in softly, taking in the moment, and feeling at one with Him. Forcing her thoughts to stay on track, she remembers the quest idea. This quest is, apparently, one that few people begin. The selected individuals she has shared her quest with have indicated they no nothing about such a search. They do not see cause for such a quest. But they have not lived her life. Sometimes, she thinks nobody has. But then she reassures herself again how many people have, more than those who have not, perhaps. Society teaches us to hide these issues. She has fought that idea with her whole being, what "society" (she ruefully stresses the word) has decided is acceptable for open discussion. She will deal with that later also. A bird is sounding now, its’ call is like a trump. She is beckoned back to the water’s edge to view it, in its majesty. As she sits there again at the water’s edge, she realizes how intensely she needs this. She is not worthy to wish it, but she wishes for a longer respite. It is only through this peace can she find answers she is seeking. She needs to let down her defenses, get past temptations, and find her core. So many things and never enough time to discover. Her mind reels and frustration returns forcefully. She whispers to herself, “Slow it down.....slow it down. Calm down. Breathe in & out, slow your heart rate & your breathing. Go back to where we were minutes ago." Her shoulders drop, her face relaxes, and her arms droop heavily toward the soil. Thinking again, she pursues her recent path of thought. "Can it happen? Is there enough good will in the universe to make the dream happen? Is it too late for me? Have I gone past the place of deserving special treatment and attention? Can my prayers be answered? I have made so many wrong choices; call them sins, that’s what they are." Speaking out loud, she begs and looks skyward, "Please, please make it happen. This is it; this is the answer. This is the place.” Colleen knows it like she knows her own name. "Am I permitted time alone to figure things out?" speaking loudly now. The answer comes to her and she sadly looks down. A tear escapes and slowly falls down her cheek. "I am undeserving and I have people depending on me," she utters. Mentally she recites the list: children, husband, job, school, church. The demands of real life do not permit any sort of escape or respite, needed or not. That's okay, she reassures the disappointed side of herself. You have today. Use it! Still she wishes she had the time to hear the birds enough to understand their language. Taken out of her thoughts, she recognizes a familiar sound. Water, a stream is nearby. She peers in all directions and cannot perceive where the gurgling is located. Starting to walk to discover from where the sound is coming, she stops abruptly. "No, this is not the reason you are here, Colleen." She often thinks of herself in the third person. She walks back inside the cabin and allows nature to work its miracle. She needs to find a place to exist in her mind where she can be the person she knows she truly is inside. She has real, inner strength and calm and compassion. “Figure it out, make it happen. We came here to get to the root of this turmoil. Come on...let's do this," she reasons. She has also referred to herself in the plural, another curious attribute. She needs to pray. Finding a secure place to ask sincerely for divine intervention is her first thought; although she feels so undeserving of the intervention she requires. Though there is no person within sight or sound, she stills retreats inside the wooden panelled walls of the inner cabin. She kneels next to the couch and closes her eyes. Seeking the Spirit will be crucial as she begins to search within herself and find answers. It will be a difficult night and she will request strength from on high to proceed.

Weeks later, Colleen is back at the river again; sitting inside the cabin today. She needs the safety of these oak-paneled walls around her. It is blustery this morning. It rained most of the night and the chill is remaining in the air. She feels so safe here. She knows she will be left all alone; alone to contemplate, remember, and reason. She is remembering a conversation with her best friend, Joanna. She wisely stated, "What you have to do is figure out why there is this hole, this unfulfilled need. You have to figure out what you are searching for & see if there is an honest way to achieve it. You also have to come to the conclusion that maybe what you are seeking can never be found. You have to evaluate your motives & see your past experiences clearly to determine how much you are being influenced by the unfulfilled nature of your relationship w/ your father.” Joanna has a way of cutting through a matter to arrive at its honest center, Colleen thinks. Colleen needs to escape for a little while. She needs to read or sit quietly still and listen to nature again.

It is evening now. The sun is beginning its downward course. Colleen wants to watch it disappear entirely. She wants to sit here in this spot for the next three hours to allow the darkness to overtake her and her surroundings. Nighttime has not been a problem for her while she is awake and in control. It is merely sleeping that brings anxiety and dark visions, and then the nightmares take over. She has had sleep problems her entire life. Colleen is approaching 39 years of age. That idea, in part, has led her here; here to this place, this cabin and this quest, this idea of figuring out what has troubled her so relentlessly. She has come to peace with the people and places and circumstances of her past, she believes.

Just a sliver of the bright orange sun peeks over the treetops across the river from Colleen. Just as suddenly it is gone. Shades of orange, pink, and yellow are all that remains. "Can I do it? Can Iallow the dark to creep to my side?" she thinks meekly. Her heart pounds slightly at the thought of it. What will the night bring? "Peace as I have not known, but as I have found here? her thoughts continue. "I will know soon enough. This is just dusk. Dawn will not come for many hours," she whispers out loud and her heart speeds. "When will fear not be a constant companion?" she pleads again to some unseen force. The tree frogs have begun their cadence. The Heron & the Egret squawk in turn. The chirping of the squirrels continues as it has all day. Two squirrels have chased one another around & through the treetops throughout the day. The water is still reflecting light from the sun, which has disappeared over the horizon. The hillside is becoming darker. Geese are honking somewhere to the north. They have settled into a place for the night.

Contradictory parts of ourselves

2008-09-04T17:26:00.000-06:00

Originally written January 12, 2003 at 2:31 a.m. to a friend via email.

I’m in the mood for a conversation. It's the middle of the night. I just got home a little while ago. It's interesting I've chosen you to correspond with, but understandable, I guess. I think you would understand my mood, I think. I've just seen a movie...I do not suggest it...but it has caused me to think a lot. I have just seen "Gangs of New York", with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was.......what was it.......I could say pages actually. It was so violent and there was nudity and sex, in a very degrading way to women. That is reason I do not suggest it. The violence and sex and nudity are not what have caused me to think. It is the irony and the contradictions that invade every part of us. It is that basic, eternal question that (for those like me who think constantly about human nature) plagues humanity. How can we be so contradictory at our core? Is it our humanness facing our spirit(ness)? Forgive my making up words. Is it our human side standing toe-to-toe with our spirit side? Putting it another way, could it be our natural man against our eternal man? I mean, can that be one great reason why we are here? To see which side will conquer the other? How many have chosen without realizing there was a fight in the first place? Far too many, I'm sure. I think the poets have asked these questions before. But did they understand the true eternal consequences in store?

Have you seen the movie with Richard Gere and Sean Connery? The First Knight movie. There a scene in the movie with Sir Lancelot, the Knight in full armor fighting the nude Lancelot, who has just slept with the King's wife, Guinevere. That is what I am talking about. If he were a true Knight and loyal to the King, he would never have fallen in love with Guinevere, and how could he be truly in love with her if he were a true Knight. It's a paradox. Once again, we have one side fighting the other. But the truth was that he was both, though completely contradictory, he was a true Knight and truly in love with the King's wife. And which is the natural man versus the eternal man? I mean that's a legend and a Hollywood depiction, but it's a concrete example of what I mean. I don't know too many people that can understand my point. Abraham had the same battle. Kill his son and betray his love, his wife, his earthly reason for living or disobey and betray His God. He chose correctly, and that is what is expected of us. I'm so happy Heavenly Father allowed us to know of Abraham's dilemma and struggle and decision. I just wish we knew more of his struggle, however.

MY PERSONAL HISTORY

2008-09-04T17:13:00.000-06:00

Originally written July 21, 2006

I was born December 2, 1962, at the Red Bud, Illinois, hospital to Gary Melvin Walker and Betty Jo (Pedigo) Walker. We lived in Waterloo, Illinois, at the time with my grandparents, Orval Eugene & Clara “Isabelle” (Helton) Walker. My brother, Eric Dean Walker, was born July 22, 1964, in Centralia, Illinois, while we lived in Carlyle, Illinois.

I married Clyde Stanley Ferree, Jr. after a seven-month engagement (proposed to on January 1, 1984 at midnight) and after dating since October 15, 1982, on July 14, 1984 in Havana, Illinois at the Methodist Church on Main Street. We lived at the time in Dickinson, Texas, but married in Havana because all of Clyde’s family lived there, while my family was scattered in Texas and Illinois. We met June 1982 in Dickinson, Texas, he having a mutual friend of mine.

My family moved to Clear Lake City, Texas, in mid-December 1980 in the midst of the oil and real estate boom around Houston, Texas. My father in real estate felt we could make a good living there. Clyde moved to Texas for the same reason in November 1979.

Our first child, a son, Ryan Ashley Ferree, was born February 8, 1985, at 8:19 am in a Galvestion, Texas hospital, while we lived in Dickinson, Texas.

Our second and last child, a daughter, Kori Lianne Ferree, was born April 3, 1987, at 3:46 am in a Houston, Texas hospital, while we lived in Houston, Texas.

We moved from Houston to a Chicago, Illinois suburb in August 1987. It was always our intention to move back to Illinois to raise our children. When a job opportunity presented itself in Illinois, we jumped at the chance. We lived in Arlington Heights, Illinois until October 1988, when we moved to Banner, Illinois to live with Clyde’s mother, Barb Bohanan, until we could find, purchase and move into our first home.

We moved to 312 Ehrett Street, Creve Coeur, Illinois in mid-December 1988. We lived there until July 3, 1996. On April 5, 1990, two young missionaries from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints knocked our door. Their names are [Elder] Ken Lamborn of Salt Lake City, Utah, currently residing in Lehi, Utah and [Elder] Stan Morgan of Parowan, Utah.

My Conversion Story by Alicia C. Ferree

Prior to April 5, 1990, I had been searching for truth in a variety of places. I attended several churches, including Methodist, United Church of Christ, Lutheran, Presbyterian, and New Age. I followed and learned a lot about the New Age movement and liked some of their beliefs. I did not like typical Christian churches for their doctrines. I attended for social reasons and because I had a belief in Christ and in God and knew I needed to worship. By spring 1990, I had decided there was not a true church. I took bits and pieces of various faiths and made my own belief system.
On Thursday, April 5, 1990, two young men dressed in suits (like you) knocked on my front door. It was about 10am and we (my friend, Sherry B., her daughter, Nicole, Ryan, Kori and I) were watching cartoons in the front room. I was not prepared to have guests. Sherry looked out the window and said there are two boys outside. I threw on a coat and answered the door. They said they had a message about Jesus Christ they would like to share w/ me. Out of character, I invited them inside. I immediately felt a spirit about them. I felt a presence. I felt I was being lead. I don't remember their message except that I later learned it was the 1st discussion. It was about Joseph Smith and the restoration. I remember they introduced me to the Book of Mormon and had me read from Moroni 10:3-5. They asked me to explain it to them. I really didn't understand it. I needed them to explain it to me.
I was struck most by the fact that they believed (testified) that there was a "TRUE CHURCH" on the earth. I loved that idea! I had no idea of any such church. They asked me if I knew anything about their church. I did not. I knew there was a Mormon Tabernacle Choir and I saw commercials on TV from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, but had no idea they were the same church. I never saw a missionary before in my life.
I asked them if they would mind coming back to share everything they told me w/ my husband and my best friend. They said they would love to. They gave me a copy of the Book of Mormon and a reading assignment (3 Nephi 11-27). We made an appointment for that following Sunday evening when I knew Clyde would be home. I told Clyde about it that night. He did know about the church. He had seen missionaries in Havana, two boys in suits and white shirts on bikes going door to door. He said he'd give them 30 minutes. If he didn't like what they had to say, he would leave the room. I said, "Fair enough!"
They arrived for the appointment and stayed two hours. They came everyday after that. They taught Clyde the 1st discussion. Sherry was not home, so Monday night they taught her the 1st discussion; so I heard it 3 times! Nearly every time they came, they brought a different video for us to watch, like "Together Forever" and "Labor of Love" and several others.
On the 2nd discussion, they challenged us to be baptised. I said to them that I had no interest in joining their, or any, church. I just simply wanted to know everything they knew about their church and about Christ. I was still in the mindset that there was no true church, and that I would take bits and pieces and construct my own belief system.
Wednesday we had the 3rd discussion. They again challenged us to baptism. We again said no. Thursday we planned to have the discussion without interruption of the children (Ryan was 5 and Kori was 3 and Nicole was 5). So we got a sitter and went to a park. We played and joked and had the 4th discussion, which was the Word of Wisdom discussion (I'm pretty sure). They were nervous because they knew we drank occasionally and loved iced tea! I accepted it immediately. They were shocked. I said if I had to choose between God and tea, the choice was simple. I began to realize this was a truly special church. I had read in 2 Nephi 31:14 earlier that day. It reads, "But, behold my beloved brethren, thus came the voice of the Son unto me, saying: After ye have repented of your sins, and witnessed unto the Father that ye are willing to keep my commandments, by the baptism of water, and have received the baptism of fire and of the Holy Ghost, and can speak with a new tongue, yea, even with the tongue of angels, and after this should deny me, it would have been better for you that ye had not known me." That scripture struck me harder than any other scripture to that point. I knew I had not been baptised yet, but I knew that I could no longer just accept bits and pieces of the doctrine. I knew I believed it was true, and if I knew that, then God knew it. I thought, "How can I deny this? If I do, the scripture says, 'it would have been better for you that ye had not known me'." That seemed like quite a serious warning to me! I knew they would ask us again that night to be baptised. They did and I answered that we would discuss it and let them know.
I knew in my heart what was right and knew I needed to accept it all and change my life, but I would not do it without my husband. We went home and the three of us (Clyde, Sherry, and I) talked about it for an hour. Sherry said, "I'll try it for awhile and if I don't like it, no big deal." I told her and, mainly, Clyde that this decision was very serious. This requires a lifetime commitment. Either we do it all the way forever or we don't. Clyde said if I felt that seriously about it, we should do it. I was so relieved! I immediately called the missionaries (after 10:30pm) because I knew they would be up and waiting for our answer. They were so excited that they screamed really loud!
The next day we just had a fun visit, no discussion. Then Saturday night, we had the 5th discussion, which was about titheing, I think, among other things. Clyde had a problem with it, but by then, I accepted everything with no problems. I knew it was true, all of it, and it felt like I was remembering everything rather than learning things. It was so easy for me. Sunday morning was Easter Sunday, so the kids were dressed up so cute (Ryan in brown pants, white shirt and tie-like the missionaries and Kori in a sweet pink dress) and Clyde and I looked pretty snazzy. The missionaries came to have us follow them to church. We took pictures.
Church was great! I loved it so much. It was so different than any other church. The only problem I had was that everyone seemed so perfect. I was not perfect, not even close. I felt very "out-classed" by everyone, but I thought I could transform with time. That night, April 15th, we had the final discussion. Baptism was set for April 29th. The missionaries continued to come everyday and have dinner. We had discussions everyday. I was so eager to learn and Ken (Elder Lamborn) was eager to teach. Clyde and Stan played a lot. They wrestled and played chess. Stan played with the kids. Ken and I had 12-hour conversations about the gospel. I know they should not have spent so much time with us (don't you do that!!), but I did not know it at that time.
I was thrilled to finally have the truth. I rarely ate. I felt spiritually fed for the first time in my life. I felt like I had been starving and dying of thirst, but did not know it. I felt the light and the love and the peace of the gospel and needed no other nourishment! I began to read the D & C and loved D & C 93!! I impacted me so strongly. I loved the Pearl of Great Price as well.
I could accept the Book of Mormon, the Pearl of Great Price and The Doctrine & Covenants, but only had mustard’s seed faith in Joseph Smith. I wanted to believe in him as a Prophet of God, but was scared. I didn't want to offend God. The missionaries showed me Alma 32:28 - 43. That I didn't need a perfect knowledge in Joseph Smith, but only a seed of faith or a desire to want to believe. I did not have a real testimony of Joseph Smith until July 1990 when we went to Nauvoo for the first time. As I toured the area and heard testimony after testimony of Joseph Smith that I truly believed. Prior to that, I only had a desire to want to believe. It was that way with any point of the gospel, which seemed odd to me. I didn't immediately believe, but I re-read Alma 32 and planted the seed. I used Moroni ‘s promise with every point of the gospel. I prayed on my knees. I asked Heavenly Father to give me "eyes to see and ears to hear and a heart to understand". I asked for spiritual eyes and ears and heart. When I read Enos' prayer, I tried that and prayed 30 minutes.
Each point of the gospel, I read about, pondered, prayed, and testified. My faith grew and grew by leaps and bounds, but it still was line upon line, precept upon precept. Heavenly Father was very patient with me. He still is. I still go to him with questions and he answers them in the scriptures or in modern-day prophecies. The day of our baptism (Clyde, Sherry & I) came and we didn't expect anyone to come to our baptism. We didn't even know people knew about it. The Relief Society room in the Morton Ward was filled to capacity. I'll bet there were 50 people there easy. We were shocked so many had any interest in us, but they did.
The missionaries taught us the new member discussions as well (new ones by that time). We went to every church event. We were invited to families’ homes for Family Home Evening and dinner. We were fellowshipped in a perfect way. We were embraced and loved and accepted completely. We had a lot to learn, but people allowed us to grow at our own pace. It was a very long time before I felt worthy of the Relief Society sisters. They seemed perfect to me for a long time. It was only after getting to know each person as an individual that I realized they were not perfect.
Each new thing I learned, I took in and pondered and prayed and studied and asked until I could make it a part of me. I still feel very enthusiastic about the gospel. I am still studying and praying and learning and asking. This is a perfect gospel, the people are not perfect, but the gospel is. This is Christ's true church. It is the only true church on the earth today. It is the restored church and gospel established by Christ himself and I love it. I am so grateful for it. I am so thankful that missionaries get to teach others about it. I hope it brings their investigators as much joy and fulfillment as it has brought my family and me! I know this church is true. I know Heavenly Father lives and loves us perfectly and completely. I know Jesus is The Christ and our Savior, our Redeemer, our Exemplar, our friend. I know Joseph Smith was a Prophet of God and restored this church to the earth never to be taken away. I know Gordon B. Hinckley is our Prophet today. He loves us so much. I know he leads and guides this church and can speak for Jesus Christ. I know the Book of Mormon, The Holy Bible, and the other scriptures are the word of God and are to be read and studied and appreciated. I am so grateful for the missionary program of the church. I feel it saved our lives and blesses us everyday. I say and testify that all my words are true and say it in the sacred and holy name of Jesus Christ. Amen.

We were sealed together forever as a family on July 13, 1991, in the Chicago, Illinois Temple. About 30 people drove up to witness our sealing. Clyde & I received our endowments that same day. We returned to the Chicago Temple regularly for nine years. We took a family vacation to Utah for two weeks in July 1991. We met the missionaries who served near us and their families, Ken Lamborn, Stan Morgan, and Kyle George. We attended the Jordan River Temple and the St. George Temple.

Ryan was baptised on May 1, 1993 in the Morton Ward. Clyde’s father, Clyde S. Ferree, Sr., his wife, Diane, and Clyde’s mother, Barb Bohanan attended the baptism.

We moved to 419 North Broadway Havana, Illinois, on July 4, 1996 and became members of the Canton Branch. In 1997, we first attended the St. Louis Temple.

Kori was baptised September 8, 1996, in the Canton Branch building. The entire Branch was in attendance.

Havana Branch was formed March 1998 and we began attending first in the Ruby Barton home and then at the Odd Fellows Hall on South Broadway. We moved into the building on Main Street about a year or so later.

From April 2002 to June 2002, we volunteered at the Open House for the Nauvoo Temple. We attended the dedication ceremony in June 2002. We have attended that temple countless times since.

Ryan graduated Havana High School in May 2003. I graduated Illinois Central College with a Certificate in Sign Language Interpreting in May 2003. Ryan went on for a semester at Southern Illinois University in Carbondale, Illinois, from August 2003 to December 2003. He received his mission call to the Utah Salt Lake City South mission on December 29, 2003.

We took a family vacation and drove to Utah in mid-February 2004. We attended the Salt Lake City Temple with missionaries, Ivan & Ramona Jorgensen, and Ken & Tammy Lamborn, and Laurie Smith. He entered the Missionary Training Center in Provo, Utah, on February 25, 2004. He entered the mission field on March 17, 2004, first serving in Riverton, Utah. He went on to serve in Riverton, Herriman, West Jordan, South Jordan, Holladay, and Cottonwood area near Salt Lake City, Utah. He left his mission with an honorable discharge on March 1, 2006.

Kori graduated from Havana High School in May 2005. We took another family vacation to Utah in August 2005. She entered Snow College in Ephraim, Utah, on August 17, 2005. She attended Fall and Spring Semesters at Snow. She came home for two weeks December 16, 2005 to January 2, 2006. She came home again May 5, 2006 to June 3, 2006. She returned to Utah taking employment at the home of the missionary who baptised us sixteen years before. She is the nanny for the Ken Lamborn family.

Ryan took employment in Tempe, Arizona from May 1, 2006 to July 7, 2006. He came back home because his job did not turn out as was explained.

I will add history from 2006 to the present day at a later time.

Traditional Helton Family Thanksgivings

2008-09-04T17:07:00.000-06:00

For a college class project, my daughter requested a tradition our family embraced as I was growing up. I inquired of my father if he would write our traditional family Thanksgiving from his perspective. I did that to give my daughter a gift from my father, her grandfather; and to reminisce about the wonderful memories I have from my childhood. So the following is written by my father.

Traditional Helton Thanksgivings by Gary M. Walker

The first large get together for Thanksgivings that comes to mind was in 1948. The Big War was over and all my aunts and uncles were excited to get us all together again after the war had kept the family apart. We visited a lot in separate family circles, but the thought of everyone in one spot appealed to everyone. At the time we lived at a Boy Scout Camp called Camp Vandevanter in a part log and part stone home as the caretakers. It had one bedroom, a living room and a kitchen, but the camp had a huge dining room with a kitchen that could cook for a hundred people. It was built over a large cliff overlooking Fountain Creek near Waterloo, IL.
When everyone started arriving, we had to direct them to a parking lot near the swimming pool to keep from blocking the driveway. Others were assigned cabins on the camp grounds that had heating. If memory serves, all the Heltons made it from all over southern Illinois and Dad's brother Waldo and his family came in from Cahokia, IL. That meant we had over 60 relatives in and out. They each brought or made a dish for Thanksgiving, the most exotic of which was baked peacock and pheasant contributed by Uncle Marion and Aunt Livina.

It started snowing and didn't let up until Thanksgiving morning. It had to have been 6” or more, but as little kids, it seemed up to your neck. One sled entertained 30 of us until we were burned out and frozen stiff. It felt good to go to the dining room with the smells of Turkey and trimmings, we all ate our fill and there still had enough leftovers for two or three days.

The meal over, we cleaned up and sat down. Mom and her sisters, Mary and Martha used to sing on the radio and were known as the Helton Sisters in Baptist circles. They would start the singing with “The Old Rugged Cross” , then, one by one, all the good ol' songs got their turn. With scores of different voices chiming in it didn't matter if you couldn't carry a tune in a bushel basket, no one cared as long as you were participating and having a good time. Circles of men comparing war stories, women complaining about the men, and kids chasing each other around the dining hall, all lent to an atmosphere hovering between debate and circus. Our cares about the weather, the economy, politics, and religion turned either to understanding or “serious” disagreement. Cards came out and every game you could think of was on the tables. Cigarette smoke hovered head high and laughter rang throughout the room.

When dark set in the din didn't stop. The fire in the huge fireplace was filled with logs and the popping and crackling only added to the fun and the smell lingered on your clothes. We all vowed to make this an annual event and we took turns having it at different locations that could accommodate large numbers of relatives. I even hosted some of the events and remember with all my heart the times we all had together. I miss those times and especially Mom's macaroni and cheese casserole, her singing and her love. Gary M. Walker

Pure in Heart

2008-09-04T16:56:00.000-06:00

February 18, 2007

The first part of this talk is from Marvin J. Ashton, “The Measure of Our Hearts,” Ensign, Nov 1988, 15 & the latter portion is from Henry B. Eyring, “As a Child,” Ensign, May 2006, 14
I have also used quotes from other Ensign articles, not credited here.

Elder Ashton began by sharing some thoughts about measurements. A measurement is a standard by which we determine the capacity or dimension of a person or object. A measurement gives us a basis for comparison. If I say, “She is a four-point-o student,” you have a pretty good idea of this person’s scholastic ability. A measurement may also be an estimate of what is expected.

Human measurement, of course, is subject to human fallibility. The older generation, for example, was taught that a person’s I.Q. was supposedly a fixed measurement of a person’s capacity to learn. Such a notion is now generally discredited by the teaching profession. Interestingly, the Prophet Joseph Smith taught in the nineteenth century: “We consider that God has created man with a mind capable of instruction, and a faculty which may be enlarged in proportion to the heed and diligence given to the light communicated from heaven to the intellect.” Unquote (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, sel. Joseph Fielding Smith, Salt Lake City: Deseret Book Co., 1938, p. 51.) He was obviously ahead of his time!

We also tend to evaluate others on the basis of physical, outward appearance: their “good looks,” their social status, their family pedigrees, their degrees, or their economic situations.
The Lord, however, has a different standard by which he measures a person. When it came time to choose a king to replace King Saul, the Lord gave this criteria to his prophet Samuel: “Look not on his countenance, or on the height of his stature; … for the Lord seeth not as man seeth; for man looketh on the outward appearance, but the Lord looketh on the heart.” (1 Sam. 16:7.)
When the Lord measures an individual, He does not take a tape measure around the person’s head to determine his mental capacity, nor his chest to determine his manliness, but He measures the heart as an indicator of the person’s capacity and potential to bless others.
Why the heart? Because the heart is a synonym for one’s entire makeup. We often use phrases about the heart to describe the total person. We describe people as being “big-hearted” or “goodhearted” or having a “heart of gold.” Or we speak of people with faint hearts, wise hearts, pure hearts, willing hearts, deceitful hearts, conniving hearts, courageous hearts, cold hearts, hearts of stone, or selfish hearts. The measure of our hearts is the measure of our total performance. As used by the Lord, the “heart” of a person describes his effort to better oneself, or others, or the conditions a person confronts.

A question I suggest is this: How do we measure up? Ultimately you and I will be judged not only for our actions, but also for the desires of our hearts. This truth was revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith at a time when he was shown in vision the celestial kingdom. The revelation is recorded in section 137 of the Doctrine and Covenants. Joseph marveled when he saw his deceased brother Alvin in the celestial kingdom, for Alvin had died before the gospel was restored. Joseph then received this great truth: “All who have died without a knowledge of this gospel, who would have received it if they had been permitted to tarry, shall be heirs of the celestial kingdom of God; …“For I, the Lord, will judge all men according to their works, according to the desire of their hearts.” (D&C 137:7, 9.)

If our works and the desires of our hearts are the ultimate criteria of our character, how do we measure up? What kind of heart should we seek? For what kind of heart should we pray?
Elder Ashton suggests four questions that deal with the heart that may help us determine how we are measuring up.

First Question: How honest in heart am I?

We pray that our missionaries will find the honest in heart. What does it mean to be honest in heart? It describes an individual who is open to truth, who will evaluate information or people without prejudice. Honest-hearted persons are individuals without pretense, without hypocrisy. They are reliable in word and action. They have no “hidden agendas” to deceive others or to misrepresent facts. In contrast, those with conniving hearts will deceive and misrepresent.
An honest heart will lead to a change of heart. Spiritually speaking, a change of heart is not only desirable, but essential for eternal life. The Book of Mormon describes the conversion experience, which all of us must have, as a “mighty change in us, or in our hearts, that we have no more disposition to do evil, but to do good continually.” (Mosiah 5:2.)

An inspiring lesson is learned from a “Viewpoint” article which appeared recently in the Church News section of the Deseret News. May I quote: “To some it may seem strange to see ships of many nations loading and unloading cargo along the docks at Portland, Oregon. That city is 100 miles from the ocean. Getting there involves a difficult, often turbulent passage over the bar guarding the Columbia River and a long trip up the Columbia and Willamette Rivers.
“But ship captains like to tie up at Portland. They know that as their ships travel the seas, a curious salt water shellfish called a barnacle fastens itself to the hull and stays there for the rest of its life, surrounding itself with a rock-like shell. As more and more barnacles attach themselves, they increase the ship’s drag, slow its progress, decrease its efficiency.
“Periodically, the ship must go into dry dock, where with great effort the barnacles are chiseled or scraped off. It’s a difficult, expensive process that ties up the ship for days. But not if the captain can get his ship to Portland. Barnacles can’t live in fresh water. There, in the sweet, fresh waters of the Willamette or Columbia, the barnacles loosen and fall away, and the ship returns to its task lightened and renewed.

“Sins are like those barnacles. Hardly anyone goes through life without picking up some. They increase the drag, slow our progress, decrease our efficiency. Unrepented, building up one on another, they can eventually sink us.

“In His infinite love and mercy, our Lord has provided a harbor where, through repentance, our barnacles fall away and are forgotten. With our souls lightened and renewed, we can go efficiently about our work and His” (“Harbor of Forgiveness,” 30 Jan. 1988, p. 16).
The Book of Mormon is a study of interesting contrasts between those who hardened their hearts and those whose hearts were softened by the Spirit of the Lord. How does one have his or her heart softened under the influence of the Holy Ghost?

Nephi’s testimony provides an answer: “Having great desires to know of the mysteries of God, wherefore, I did cry unto the Lord; and behold he did … soften my heart that I did believe all the words which had been spoken by my father.” (1 Ne. 2:16) After obtaining a testimony of the gospel and the Lord’s church, we should then strive to become pure in heart. This will result in happiness and eventually the promise of a society without contention. It is the Savior’s way to peace.

Second Question: Do I have a willing heart?

Let us look again to the scriptures for guidance. (D&C 64:34.) “Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind; and the willing and obedient shall eat the good of the land of Zion in these last days.” A willing heart describes one who desires to please the Lord and to serve His cause first. He serves the Lord on the Lord’s terms, not his own. There are no restrictions to where or how he will serve.

It is always wonderful to see members willing to give their time, energy, and effort to the upbuilding of the Church. They do so for one primary reason—to serve the Lord with all their heart, might, mind, and strength. Membership in the Church calls forth a determination to serve. A position of responsibility may not be of recognized importance, nor may the reward be broadly known. Service, to be acceptable to the Savior, must come from willing minds, ready hands, and pledged hearts.

Occasionally discouragement may darken our pathway; frustration may be a constant companion. In our ears we may hear the sound of Satan as he whispers, “You cannot save the world; your small efforts are meaningless. You haven’t time to be concerned for others.” Trusting in the Lord, let us turn our heads from such falsehoods and make certain our feet are firmly planted in the path of service and our hearts and souls dedicated to follow the example of the Lord. In moments when the light of resolution dims and when the heart grows faint, we can take comfort from His promise: “Be not weary in well-doing. … Out of small things proceedeth that which is great. “Behold, the Lord requireth the heart and a willing mind.”

Third Question: Do I have an understanding, loving heart?

The scriptures give us examples of other questioners whose queries taught them new ways to think about love. In the twenty-second chapter of Matthew, Christ was asked by a Pharisee who wanted to trick him, what was the greatest commandment. Christ answered, “Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. … “And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.” (Matt. 22:37, 39.)
An understanding, loving heart is the pinnacle of all human emotions. As the Apostle Paul said, charity “beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” (1 Cor. 13:7.) We come closest to becoming Christlike when we are charitable and understanding of others.

One may have many talents and knowledge but never acquire wisdom because he does not learn to be compassionate with his fellow man. We will never approach godliness until we learn to love and lift. Indifference to others and their plight denies us life’s sweetest moments of joy and service.

Love is the catalyst that causes change. Love is the balm that brings healing to the soul. But love doesn’t grow like weeds or fall like rain. Love has its price. “God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life” (John 3:16). That Son, even the Lord Jesus Christ, gave His life that we might have eternal life, so great was His love for His Father and for us. In that tender and touching farewell, as He counseled His beloved disciples, Jesus taught, “He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me” (John 14:21). Particularly far-reaching was the instruction, “A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another” (John 13:34).

Last Question (this taken directly from the Book of Mormon): “If ye have experienced a change of heart, and if ye have felt to sing the song of redeeming love, … can ye feel so now?” (Alma 5:26).

Having a “change of heart” at one time in our lives is insufficient to give us an understanding heart today. Helping and understanding a person years ago do not fill us with the love of God today. Christlike love must be continuous and contemporary. In reality, it was the Redeemer who best taught this principle. Jesus changed men. He changed their habits and opinions and ambitions. He changed their tempers, dispositions, and natures. He changed their hearts. He lifted! He loved! He forgave! He redeemed! Do we have the will to follow? Henry B. Eyring, “As a Child,” Ensign, May 2006, 14

King Benjamin describes that change with a beautiful comparison, used by prophets for millennia and by the Lord Himself. It is this: that we can, and we must, become as a child—a little child. For some that will not be easy to understand or to accept. Most of us want to be strong. We may well see being like a child as being weak. Most parents have wanted their children at times to be less childish. Even the Apostle Paul used these words as he was about to urge us to incorporate charity, the pure love of Christ, into our lives: “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

But King Benjamin, who understood as well as any mortal what it meant to be a man of strength and courage, makes it clear that to be like a child is not to be childish. It is to be like the Savior, who prayed to His Father for strength to be able to do His will and then did it. Our natures must be changed to become as a child to gain the strength we must have to be safe in the times of moral peril.

Here is King Benjamin’s stirring description of what that change to become like a child is and how it comes to us: “For the natural man is an enemy to God, and has been from the fall of Adam, and will be, forever and ever, unless he yields to the enticings of the Holy Spirit, and putteth off the natural man and becometh a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord, and becometh as a child, submissive, meek, humble, patient, full of love, willing to submit to all things which the Lord seeth fit to inflict upon him, even as a child doth submit to his father.”

We are safe on the rock which is the Savior when we have yielded in faith in Him, have responded to the Holy Spirit’s direction to keep the commandments long enough and faithfully enough that the power of the Atonement has changed our hearts. When we have, by that experience, become as a child in our capacity to love and obey, we are on the sure foundation.
From King Benjamin we learn what we can do to take us to that safe place. But remember: the things we do are the means, not the end we seek. What we do allows the Atonement of Jesus Christ to change us into what we must be. Our faith in Jesus Christ brings us to repentance and to keeping His commandments. We obey and we resist temptation by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost. In time our natures will change. We, then, learn to be honest in heart, have a willing heart, an understanding & loving heart, and last a changed heart. Only then will we become as a little child, obedient to God and more loving. That change, if we do all we must to keep it, will qualify us to enjoy the gifts which come through the Holy Ghost. Then we will be safe on the only sure rock.

NATURE AND THE GOSPEL

2008-09-04T16:37:00.000-06:00

May 20, 2007

A great talk I read in the Ensign magazine. I added some thoughts of my own sprinkled throughout.

Alma 39:44, “All things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it.”

There is a consistency in what the Lord says and what He does, that is evident in all creation. Nature can teach valuable lessons about spiritual and doctrinal matters. The Lord drew lessons from flowers and foxes, from seeds and salt, and sparrows and sunsets. I love this time of year. One of my absolute joys is walking. I love nature. I love everything coming back to life. Nature is everywhere and has much to teach us. I love observing nature around me.

Most of you are aware I recently planted a garden out back. Plants are growing and I am amazed to see plants coming out of the ground, that were just seeds a couple of weeks ago!
I have asked questions from my friends and relatives who have successfully grown vegetable and flower gardens. I asked what exactly they did to coax magnificent flowers to bloom or vegetable to grow. What was their gardening secret? Their answers were profoundly simple. They all said: “I stay close to the garden. I go into my garden every day, even when it isn’t convenient. And while I’m out here, I look for little signs of possible problems, things like weeds and insects and soil conditions that are simple to correct if caught in time but that can become overwhelming if left unchecked.”

We could liken their love for their garden to the care we should give our families. If we want our relationships with family members to flourish and bloom, we need to “stay close to the garden”—to spend time with family members every day, talk with them, express appreciation for them, and look for little signs of potential problems that can be resolved before they become overwhelming.

The law of the harvest is that we reap what we sow (see Galatians 6:7–8). A farmer lives by this law. The kind of seed he plants determines what he will harvest. If he plants wheat seed, he will harvest wheat, not corn. Nor can he choose to neglect his crop once he has planted the seed and have a good harvest.

The principle of agency is like the law of the harvest: when we make a choice, we must accept the results of that choice. Sometimes we will not realize the total consequences of our choices until we are judged by God. But many times our choices affect us immediately. For example, we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost following our baptism. The full benefit of having the Holy Ghost as a companion cannot be realized until after our resurrection, but if we choose to disobey the Holy Ghost and commit sin, we lose His influence in our lives. The immediate consequence of choosing to do wrong is that we no longer experience the comfort, understanding, love, and guidance the Holy Ghost provides when we do what is right.

The Apostle Paul accentuated an eternal law when he declared that “whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.” (Gal. 6:7.) The analogy of sowing and reaping is one favored by the prophets of old and by the Lord himself. (See, for example, Job 4:8; Prov. 22:8; D&C 6:33.) This “law of the harvest” ties behavior and its consequences together in an unbreakable relationship that has direct impact on every aspect of our lives—even on our marriages.

Like the flowers, fruits, and vegetables we grow in our gardens, our marriages reflect the nature of the seeds we have planted. If we have tried throughout our married life to plant seeds of love and harmony, then we are more likely to enjoy a rich harvest. Of course, the opposite can also be true. At any given moment, we are the sum of all our sowings.

It’s important to realize that marriages thrive where replanting is a constant process, where both husband and wife realize that a one-time planting at the beginning doesn’t ensure a perennial harvest. Each new day should be filled with planting, cultivating, and weeding. One day missed can lead to a week, or a year, missed—and the garden may soon become overgrown with weeds and insects. However, as with gardens, neglected marriages can be renewed with careful replanting, meticulous care, and a great deal of patience.

I have just planted corn from seed. I have planted other things as well, but it remains to be seen if they will come up. Because we are children of our Heavenly Father, we have within us the seeds, or attributes, of compassion. In order for us to become truly compassionate, we must nurture and work with the seeds, just as we have to water and cultivate the vegetable or flower seeds for them to mature. It is helpful for us to serve others to cultivate compassionate feelings. Many of us have cared for ailing parents and other relatives. We have felt those seeds of compassion grow within us to become very concerned for and full of love for those individuals in our lives.

Trimming back an unruly bush or flower can help to bring out its best qualities. We, too, can use a trim once in a while. Pruning out our unruly qualities to allow the true beauty inside each of us to shine forth is occasionally necessary. On the other hand, over-pruning can be dangerous. I have discovered that principle as I’ve gone too far and trimmed too much of the plant away. There was very little left and many a poor plant has died at my over-zealous hands. The same could be said of criticism. Constructive criticism has its place. But I believe it should be measured out scarcely. Criticism of those we love and others that we can negatively impact that individual, severely damage the relationship, and injure the soul inside.

At the beginning of this year, many of us witnessed the splendor of the annual eagle landing in Havana. It is magnificent to watch eagles fly. Elder Uchtdorf spoke about the following idea in the Fall 2005 conference when he said, “Christlike attributes are the basics. They are the fundamental principles that will create “the wind beneath our wings.” As we develop Christlike attributes in our own lives, step-by-step, they will “bear [us] up as on eagles’ wings” (D&C 124:18). Our faith in Jesus Christ will provide power and a strong forward thrust; our unwavering and active hope will provide a powerful upward lift. Both faith and hope will carry us across oceans of temptations, over mountains of afflictions, and bring us safely back to our eternal home and destination.”

This time of year we witness many new births. Perhaps we’ve all seen a new calf staying near the side of its mother or a new colt playfully frollicking but never wandering too far from its mom. Try to get near a nest of newly hatched bird eggs. My own kids have felt the fear of an aggressive mommy bird swooping down at their heads as they tried to get a closer look at the new hatchlings. Those new mothers know how to care for their young. Our Lord and Savior ministered personally to the people, lifting the downtrodden, giving hope to the discouraged, and seeking out the lost. By His words and actions, He showed the people that He loved and understood and appreciated them. He recognized the divine nature and eternal worth of each individual. Even when calling people to repentance, He condemned the sin without condemning the sinner. He loves us and as a parent, he wants only the best life for us.

With the many images of tornadoes that have begun with great intensity and number this spring, perhaps we have all seen on television very large trees that the wind had blown down and uprooted. These huge trees had extremely shallow roots. Would they have survived the winds and storms if their roots had been deeper? Relatively mild gusts of wind blow some trees down. Contrast this with giant oak trees that have deep root systems that can extend two and one-half times their height. Such trees rarely are blown down regardless of how violent the storms may be.

Faithful members of the Church should be like oak trees and should extend deep roots into the fertile soil of the fundamental principles of the gospel. We should understand and live by the simple, basic truths and not complicate them. Our foundations should be solid and deep-rooted so we can withstand the winds of temptation, false doctrine, adversity, and the fiery darts of the adversary without being swayed or uprooted. Members whose roots are only at the surface of the gospel need to sink them deeper until they reach the bedrock below the soft topsoil.
The Lord Jesus Christ is the Rock of our salvation. He said in the Sermon on the Mount:
“Whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken him unto a wise man, which built his house upon a rock: “And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell not: for it was founded upon a rock. “And every one that heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them not, shall be likened unto a foolish man, which built his house upon the sand: “And the rain descended, and the floods came, and the winds blew, and beat upon that house; and it fell.” To the Saints in this dispensation, he said, “Do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are built upon my rock, they cannot prevail.”

Oftentimes in spring, we decide to eat a more well-balanced and healthy diet. We’ve stopped feeding ourselves with unnecessary junk foods that we’ve used to pull us through the long, cold winter season. There is something about the brightly colored fresh produce at the supermarket to rekindle our desire for a healthy lifestyle. Spiritual nourishment is just as important as a balanced diet to keep us strong and healthy. We nourish ourselves spiritually by partaking of the sacrament weekly, reading the scriptures daily, praying daily in personal and family prayer, and performing temple work regularly. Our spiritual strengths are like batteries; they need to be charged and frequently recharged.

I recently read a story of a big, black beetle. There is a stage in which it appears to die, then this strange thing happens. His glistening black shell cracks all the way down the back. Out of it comes a shapeless mass, quickly transformed into beautifully, brilliantly-colored life. There gradually unfolds iridescent wings from which the sunlight flashes a thousand colors. The blue-green body takes shape. There occurs a metamorphosis—the transformation of a hideous beetle into a gorgeous dragonfly. It is a miracle. Out of mud can come a beautiful new life. And the thought came to me that if the Creator works such wonders with the lowliest of creatures, what may be in store for the human spirit!”

My testimony today is that through Jesus Christ we can be born again. We can change. We can change completely. And we can stay changed. Such complete changes require the power of God. He gives this promise to His covenant people: “A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: … and cause you to walk in my statute.” (Ezek. 36:26–27.)

The king of the Lamanites was stirred by the power of the Spirit when taught the gospel. He asked Aaron: “What shall I do that I may have this eternal life of which thou hast spoken? That I may be born of God, having this wicked spirit rooted out of my breast, and receive his Spirit? I will give up all that I possess that I may receive this great joy.” (Alma 22:15.) Aaron answers: “If thou desirest this thing, if thou wilt bow down before God, yea, if thou wilt repent of all thy sins and call on his name in faith, believing that ye shall receive, then shalt thou receive the hope which thou desirest.” (Alma 22:16.) Laying himself before the Lord, the king pled, “If thou art God, wilt thou make thyself known unto me, and I will give away all my sins to know thee.” (Alma 22:18.) This transformation, this metamorphosis is completely possible for us. We can change into a beautiful creature and just as the dragonfly can change from a beetle, we too can undergo this change.

I also had read this very cute story about what a small child understood about nature. There were little children waiting in the driveway. They had discovered some newly hatched chicks in their barn. When they reached for them, a protective hen intervened to save them. So the children ran to dad for reinforcements. The dad soon gathered a handful of little chicks for them to see and touch. As the little girl held one of them, the dad said in a teasing way, “That will make a nice watchdog when it grows up, won’t it?” She looked at him strangely, as if he didn’t know much. So the dad changed his approach: “It won’t be a watchdog, will it?” She shook her head, “No, Daddy.” Then he added, “It will be a nice riding horse.” She wrinkled up her nose and gave him that “Oh, Dad!” look. For even this wise little four-year-old knew that a chick will not be a dog, nor a horse, nor even a turkey. It will be a chicken. It will follow the pattern of its parentage. She knew that without having had a course in genetics, without a lesson or a lecture. She knew the chicks would become like their parents.

We are the children of God. That doctrine is not hidden away in an obscure verse. It is taught over and over again in scripture. There are clear examples from the Bible: “All of you are children of the most High.” (Ps. 82:6.) And: “We are the offspring of God.” (Acts 17:29.)
Doctrinal truths are interrelated. There is an old saying that if you pick up one end of a stick, you pick up the other end as well. If you concede that we are His children, you must allow that God is our Father. The Father is the one true God. This thing is certain: no one will ever ascend above Him; no one will ever replace Him. Nor will anything ever change the relationship that we, His literal offspring, have with Him. He is Eloheim, the Father. He is God. Of Him there is only one. We revere our Father and our God; we worship Him.

There is only one Christ, one Redeemer. We accept the divinity of the Only Begotten Son of God in the flesh. We accept the promise that we may become joint heirs with Him. Paul wrote to the Romans: “The spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God:
“And if children, then heirs; heirs of God, and joint-heirs with Christ” (Rom. 8:16–17.) So, we can become like Him as the little chicks become like their parents.

I love the little tree squirrels. I believe even they can teach us a thing or two. I enjoy watching them eyeing me with curiosity and even suspicion. I imagine them thinking, “Can I trust you?” and “Don’t get too close”. I can’t help but notice that when I have gotten too close for their comfort, they scurry to the nearest tree. I have a lifelong love of trees. I have always felt a great deal of peace and at-one-ment with nature when I am in a forest or grove of trees.
When studying nature, I often ask myself how I can benefit by copying nature’s ways. What can I learn from observing all living things. You might think I’m strange but I can even ask myself “How are we like the tree squirrels? What can we learn from their behavior?” I think the answer depends on what the trees represent to us?

A tree serves well as a symbol for men because it has limbs, a circulatory system, bears fruit, and so forth. Scriptural trees can stand for Christ and his attributes.” Susan Easton Black wrote: “The tree of life is connected with the cross, the two having somewhat the same significance. Both relate to the resurrection, eternal life, the Lord, and the love of God.” When Nephi wished to know the meaning of the tree that his father saw in his dream, the angel showed him a vision of the birth of Christ. The angel then said to Nephi, “Behold the Lamb of God, yea, even the Son of the Eternal Father! Knowest thou the meaning of the tree which thy father saw?” To this Nephi responded, “It is the love of God”. Jesus is the “love and God” and the Tree of Life”.

For me, as I think about those various meanings of representations of trees in scripture, I think we could substitute almost any gospel principle. The trees can represent the love of God as it is in the Lehi’s vision. They can symbolize the scriptures as well. Let us carry that thought out further, using those two representations, the love of God and the scriptures.

On numerous occasions the Lord has commanded his disciples to search the scriptures in order to learn and live the doctrines of salvation. During his mortal ministry, the Savior stated, “Search the scriptures; … they are they which testify of me.” (John 5:39.) During his appearance on the Western Hemisphere following his resurrection, Christ quoted from the scriptures and then said to the Nephites: “Ye ought to search these things. Yea, a commandment I give unto you that ye search these things diligently.” (3 Ne. 23:1.) In our day, the Lord enjoins his followers to “search these commandments, for they are true and faithful, and … shall all be fulfilled.” (D&C 1:37.)

The Savior revealed to the Prophet Joseph Smith that it is possible to hear his voice and know his words through the scriptures. He said:
“These words are not of men nor of man, but of me; …
“For it is my voice which speaketh them unto you; for they are given by my Spirit … , and by my power you can read them one to another. …
“Wherefore, you can testify that you have heard my voice, and know my words.” (D&C 18:34–36.)

In order to come unto Christ and be perfected in him, each person needs to receive a testimony of the Lord’s words. Some individuals falter because they fail to open the books, others because they read casually. As one would expect, there is a difference between diligent searching or “pondering over the scriptures” and casual reading. A Church history story illustrates the difference.

A small six-year-old boy wandered away from his handcart company during a storm and was lost. When the storm subsided, Robert and Ann Parker realized their boy was missing and began searching. For two days an organized search was unsuccessful. The decision was made that the company must move on because of the approaching winter. A pioneer journal records the following: “Ann Parker pinned a bright [red] shawl about the thin shoulders of her husband and sent him back alone on the trail to search again for their child. If he found him dead he was to wrap him in the shawl; if alive, the shawl would be a flag to signal her. Ann and her children took up their load and struggled on with the company, while Robert retraced the miles of … trail, calling, and searching and praying for his helpless little son.”

One suspects that he did not just casually look behind a few trees or leisurely walk along the trail, but that he vigorously investigated every thicket, every clump of trees and gully or wash.
“At last he reached a … trading station where he learned that his child had been found and cared for by a woodsman and his wife. [The boy] had been ill from exposure and fright. [But] God had heard the prayers of his people. “Out on the trail each night Ann and her children kept watch and, when, on the third night the rays of the setting sun caught the glimmer of a bright red shawl [above her husband’s head], the brave little mother sank in a pitiful heap in the sand. … [She] slept for the first time in six … days.”

The story illustrates the difference between just looking and searching diligently. A casual, infrequent exposure to the scriptures will generally not open the door to the whisperings of the Spirit or provide insights into the Savior’s life and character. We need to search the scriptures with the same vigor that Robert hunted for his son and with the consistency of the mother searching the horizon if we expect to hear his voice and know his words.

There are certain blessings obtained when one searches the scriptures. As a person studies the words of the Lord and obeys them, he or she draws closer to the Savior and obtains a greater desire to live a righteous life. The power to resist temptation increases, and spiritual weaknesses are overcome. Spiritual wounds are healed.

The tree in the dream is the tree of life, which represents God’s love for us as expressed in the condescension of the Father and the Son. (See 1 Ne. 11.) Holding fast to the iron rod builds faith in Christ and his work. The prophet Alma, living five hundred years after Lehi, was strongly impacted by Lehi’s vision of the tree of life. Alma, however, changes the imagery in an interesting way. He likens the word of God to a seed which is planted in the heart and then nourished. He states that if people will no more than desire to believe in Christ, the seed will sprout and grow, and they will feel a swelling inside as the seed enlarges the soul. The desire to believe, coupled with obedience, eventually turns to faith in Jesus Christ.

Alma states that continued nourishment will cause the seed to grow into the tree of life with fruit that is exceedingly white, sweet, and pure—“a tree springing up unto everlasting life.” (Alma 32:26–42.) In Alma’s example, the tree of life grows within each person to change his or her heart and soul. Holding fast to the iron rod in Lehi’s dream is the equivalent.

Alma’s explanation of the tree growing within and changing people’s hearts gives light to an earlier set of questions that he asked Church members. The questions were: “Have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?” (Alma 5:14.) Changes in the heart and soul occur as a result of planting and nourishing the seed. Scripture study, prayer, obedience, and service are key elements in building faith in Christ.

I think we need to act as the squirrels do when faced with situations in life in which we are unsure. Just as squirrels eye us suspiciously and run for cover and the safety & security of the nearest tree, when we are faced with uncertain situations and even everyday life, we need to have the love of God and the knowledge we’ve gained from daily study of the scriptures at the ready. We need to use both as our safe and secure place to run to anytime we are faced with all that this life gives us.

All of this is possible only because through the laws of nature, the Creator keeps creation in its course. Law is simply the application of truth. Let me draw your attention to some statements taken from the writings of great thinkers: Frank Crane: “Truth is the logic of the universe. It is the reasoning of destiny; it is the mind of God. And nothing that man can devise or discover can take its place.” (Quoted by Leo J. Muir, Flashes from the Eternal Semaphore, Salt Lake City: Deseret News Press, 1928, p. 100.) W. Radcliffe said, “There is no progress in fundamental truth. We may grow in knowledge of its meaning, and in the modes of its application, but its great principles will forever be the same.” (Ibid., p. 101.)

In a revelation to Joseph Smith the Lord declared: “And again, very I say unto you, he hath given a law unto all things, by which they move in their times and their seasons;
“And their courses are fixed, even the courses of the heavens and the earth, which comprehend the earth and all the planets. And they give light to each other in their times and in their seasons, in their minutes, in their hours, in their days, in their weeks, in their months, in their years. … The earth rolls upon her wings, and the sun giveth his light by day, and the moon giveth her light by night, and the stars also give their light, as they roll upon their wings in their glory, in the midst of the power of God. … “Behold, all these are kingdoms, and any man who hath seen any or the least of these hath seen God moving in his majesty and power.” (D&C 88:42–45, 47.)

We can draw three lessons from nature’s grandeur: first, God exists; second, God is powerful; and third, God loves us. One way we can feel a surety of the Creator’s existence is to observe His handiwork. While it is the Holy Spirit that conveys such a testimony to our hearts, we may first prepare our hearts to receive it. A marvelous way to do this is to gaze into a star-filled sky on a moonless night or at the beautiful colors of nature all around us. As Alma taught, “All things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator” (Alma 30:44).