Top Ten Secrets About Me

10. When I am feeling deeply connected to someone, I so want to touch his/her face with the palm of my hand.

9. I love kissing my loved ones in that little crook between the corner of the eye and the temple. It's perfectly form - fitting for my lips!

8. I wish people could say what is in our minds instead of censuring our thoughts constantly, but only if the words are positive, uplifting, or helpful. I have found when I am lovingly honest, people respond in a very positive way.

7. I really do believe I am correct about my thoughts on the last days, and I find it somewhat shocking when people don't believe me, especially those closest to me.

6. I am touched when I see people looking deeply into each other's eyes. I feel that's when we most reveal our humanness and are communicating spirit to spirit.

5. In the past I have overestimated my worth in other people's eyes. I have, thankfully, come to understand my own nothingness. However, even with my zero balance (and sometimes a negative balance), that added to Christ's infinite value equals an infinite value for me.

4. I am always looking for miracles, great or small. Many, mighty miracles take place every day.

3. I have incredible dreams and believe with my whole heart they will all come true.

2. I look for qualities in all people that I can love and then endeavor to focus on those positive qualities only. I want people to disregard my faults and flaws, so I will offer them the same consideration.

1. I am still passionately in love with my husband.

First, Frustration then Glory

My physical body is a frustration to me and I may have caused it to be thus. So, I could extrapolate that to mean I am a frustration to myself. I am not the being yet I wish to be. I do not wish to meet my Maker until I can be closer to my goal, that is to have my spirit and mind match my actions and abilities.

I am exceedingly grateful for all things the Father has deemed appropriate to give me. Have you ever read Og Mandino, "The Greatest Gift of All (or something like that)?" I used to own it, but have somehow, along the way, lost it. It discusses our magnificent and miraculous body. I know it is a temple and should be treated with the utmost respect. Our society today and our daily choices have forgotten that ideal. We put pure garbage into it and expect magnificence from it. I have sinned in that way and am reeping the consequences of that choice. I curse my previous weakness and am living my penitence now. I realize it will require time to undo my misdeeds and to allow my body to heal properly.

Aargh...I am forced to wait for the result and forced to confront my weakness again and again! I weep as I think about the disgusting way I have neglected this perfect gift and do not pray for speed in its healing, wishing instead to feel every pain in an effort to be confronted constantly by my lack of awe and respect due my Creator. I have prayed half-heartedly for forgiveness mainly because I am not ready to forgive myself.

I know the Savior, in His infinite goodness and mercy, will forgive me instantly, for His grace is sufficient and full and perfect. I, in my lack of perfection, wish to be joined with Him, yoked to Him as a more refined being. I am capable of that. Please do not misunderstand, my dear friend, I am currently yoked to Him spiritually, emotionally, mentally.

So your question to me may be, then how do you consider yourself not joined to Him already? That is an excellent question, my smart friend! I guess the answer is that I am, yoked to Him, already. I cannot separate parts of myself, compartmentalize myself, which I so easily do. I have previously and whole-heartedly yoked myself to Him. He has already forgiven me, and I love Him more deeply for it!

I am not whole, not refined, not progressed sufficiently, not equal, not worthy in any way, yet He is all of those things and infinitely more!! Thus, by my being joined with Him, I have become those things. We cannot be yoked to a perfect (whole & complete) being without becoming that ourselves. Our finite and unworthy selves connected eternally to an Infinite and perfectly worthy Being results in our perfect, whole, & complete union of selves! How I love this plan of Happiness and Salvation!! How perfect it is!!

I feel instantaneously better. I sigh with regret because I am yet unworthy to feel so. I will not allow those pervasive unkind feelings toward myself to continue. I will instead accept His gift, His atonement with much gratitude and happiness! That is His plan. Anything less than that is the plan of the adversary, to keep me down. However, the Saviour's plan is to build us up. To make us equal to our spirits, the truth and light that is our core, and our origins from an perfect and Infinite Father and Mother. I will continue my current plan to purge my old ways from me. I will endeavor to make all parts of myself what I promised in the beginning. I will not see its fruition fully in this lifetime, but will have moved further and closer to my goal when I am able to meet my Creators in the flesh.

Thank you, friend, for helping me along today. I could not have done it without you and your, yet unknowing, encouragement sounding in my ears. I hear your voice clearly and will never reject your soft words of love and sweetness and purity. I pray someday soon I can repay all of you who have aided my sojourn here on this wonderful planet. My love for you is strong and sure and loyal. May God, our Father, bless us each today and always. May we remain grateful and happy and moving forward, progressing day by day until we all meet at some future point in some grand council, clasping hands and looking with confidence and knowing into one another's eyes. We all will endure and endure well this estate and look into the future with curiosity and confidence in our own abilities as well as in the consecrated ability of our Savior, our Redeemer, our Mediator and Friend, even Jesus Christ.

Kingdom In My Mind

This will be an exercise of self reflection and may be uninteresting to a reader. That being said I will forge ahead. While listening to NPR this afternoon, I heard an old interview with Bruce Springsteen. I appreciated his honest and forthright approach to the reporter's attempts of digging deep into the Boss' psyche. He used a phrase "Kingdom in our own minds", which sparked an analogous look at my own view of myself. His perspective stated many people try to create their own kingdoms in their minds, where they set themselves up as the self-appointed king or queen. With no one else living in their own mind, they are safe from being deposed. I may be guilty of this. I may have created a safe place in a world, kingdom, where I am in control of all I survey. Ah, but here's the rub. I am not safe at all. Actually I have sunk into a state of dis-ease. My whole body is screaming at me for change. What I am doing is certainly not working. My arthritis pain is increasing. I have used the level of that pain as a barometer for how my life is working for 18 years now. There are other parts of my body which are in rebellion, refusing to perform in the way they were designed by an all-wise, all-knowing Father. I have resorted to using comfort food as my escape from these difficulties, rather than face them head on. The person I am in my mind bears little resemblance to the collection of cells that currently occupy the space within my skin. It is time to wake up as the scriptures positively scream at us. Nephi, in his infinite wisdom, so succinctly states in the "Psalm of Nephi", 2 Nephi 4:28 "Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul. In verse 17, he writes, "Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities." I have been fooling myself, kidding myself, lying to myself. Believing that I am that queen, sitting upon a golden throne, high in the tallest turret safe and isolated, ruling a kingdom where I am the only subject is the lie I have created. In doing that I have sinned. I have become overweight and lazy. I, in no way, emulate the qualities that the queen possesses. I desire to become the best version of myself. I dream of that person and envision accomplishing and surpassing lofty goals. She is healthy, spiritually, emotionally, and physically strong, active, thoughtful, kind, and helpful. Her days are filled with righteous pursuits. I hate to use the following colloquialism, "I am sick and tired of being sick and tired!" That is sad and uninventive, but it contains truth. I wonder if I am brave enough to depose the pretend queen and bring into being the person I long to become? I know how to effect the change necessary, that is not the question. It is instead contemplating if I am sick and tired enough to necessitate an about face to bring to pass a new and glorious life. The queen sitting on the throne believes so, but she's a fantasy. Stay tuned because, as they say, time will tell.

I'm actually trembling right now watching the live coverage of the Israelis and Hamas in Gaza. I know many of the signs for the last days have already come to pass...if not most of them. Now I am, I have to say this word, fearful the timer has begun. Those who are anti-American and anti-Israeli (many of which are Americans themselves) will be actively choosing sides very, very soon. We are, I feel, watching the beginning stages of a worldwide conflict, which will have truly terrible consequences. Our faith will be tested to the ultimate limits, and we have to remain true and faithful as we observe the world become more and more wicked. I needed to type these words for my own wish to the universe and to those I love most and to all of my brothers and sisters that we stand strong and together and unified. We will need each other now more than ever before. May God bless the righteous and have mercy on the unrighteous.

I am now reading a truly remarkable, important book about the atonement of Jesus Christ. It is "The Infinite Atonement" by Tad R. Callister. In the foreword penned by Robert L. Millet, he wrote, "Some things simply matter more than others. The Atonement is the central act of human history, the pivotal point in all time, the doctrine of doctrines." I have learned so very much from this work and hope to share some important points we all may need to focus on in the upcoming period of time. All the quoted sections are taken directly from this book.

"Elder Marion G. Romney [said] 'Jesus then went into the Garden of Gethsemane. There he suffered most. No man, nor set of men, nor all men put together, ever suffered what the Redeemer suffered in the garden.' What a doctrine! The composite suffering of all men of all ages, of all works does not surpass the Savior's suffering in the Garden. Elders McConkie and Talmage [believed] that the concluding events of the Savior's life suggest the trials of Gethsemane did in fact recur and even intensify on the cross. Elder Talmage believed the Savior literally died on the cross of a broken heart, suggesting this event was the culmination and conclusion of his mission. Perhaps this was the physical sequel to his bleeding from every pore. Not unmindful of the Savior's control over life and death, Elder Talmage gave this perspective: 'While, as stated in the text, the yielding up of life was voluntary on the part of Jesus Christ, for He had life in Himself and no man could take His life except as He willed to allow it to be taken, (John 1:4; 5:26; 10:15-18) there was of necessity a direct cause of dissolution...the strong, loud utterance, immediately following which He bowed His head and 'gave up the ghost,' when considered in connection with other recorded details, points to a physical rupture of the heart as the direct cause of death...Great mental stress, poignant emotion either of grief or joy, and intense spiritual struggle are among the recognized causes of heart rupture.'" (Talmage, Jesus the Christ, 668-69, emphasis added) as taken from (Callister, The Infinite Atonement, 117-156).

As we each may, and likely will, experience times of a true broken heart, great physical suffering, mental stress, poignant emotions, and intense spiritual struggle in the near future, we need to remember Christ suffered for us and knows our trials and hearts. He has felt each thought, word, and act that resulted in his suffering. He came as our Savior, not only an universal but also a personal atonement. We must remember to offer our own broken heart and contrite spirit and accept this greatest of all gifts that ever was, is, or will be!

God bless us, everyone!