My physical body is a frustration to me and I may have caused it to be thus. So, I could extrapolate that to mean I am a frustration to myself. I am not the being yet I wish to be. I do not wish to meet my Maker until I can be closer to my goal, that is to have my spirit and mind match my actions and abilities.
I am exceedingly grateful for all things the Father has deemed appropriate to give me. Have you ever read Og Mandino, "The Greatest Gift of All (or something like that)?" I used to own it, but have somehow, along the way, lost it. It discusses our magnificent and miraculous body. I know it is a temple and should be treated with the utmost respect. Our society today and our daily choices have forgotten that ideal. We put pure garbage into it and expect magnificence from it. I have sinned in that way and am reeping the consequences of that choice. I curse my previous weakness and am living my penitence now. I realize it will require time to undo my misdeeds and to allow my body to heal properly.
Aargh...I am forced to wait for the result and forced to confront my weakness again and again! I weep as I think about the disgusting way I have neglected this perfect gift and do not pray for speed in its healing, wishing instead to feel every pain in an effort to be confronted constantly by my lack of awe and respect due my Creator. I have prayed half-heartedly for forgiveness mainly because I am not ready to forgive myself.
I know the Savior, in His infinite goodness and mercy, will forgive me instantly, for His grace is sufficient and full and perfect. I, in my lack of perfection, wish to be joined with Him, yoked to Him as a more refined being. I am capable of that. Please do not misunderstand, my dear friend, I am currently yoked to Him spiritually, emotionally, mentally.
So your question to me may be, then how do you consider yourself not joined to Him already? That is an excellent question, my smart friend! I guess the answer is that I am, yoked to Him, already. I cannot separate parts of myself, compartmentalize myself, which I so easily do. I have previously and whole-heartedly yoked myself to Him. He has already forgiven me, and I love Him more deeply for it!
I am not whole, not refined, not progressed sufficiently, not equal, not worthy in any way, yet He is all of those things and infinitely more!! Thus, by my being joined with Him, I have become those things. We cannot be yoked to a perfect (whole & complete) being without becoming that ourselves. Our finite and unworthy selves connected eternally to an Infinite and perfectly worthy Being results in our perfect, whole, & complete union of selves! How I love this plan of Happiness and Salvation!! How perfect it is!!
I feel instantaneously better. I sigh with regret because I am yet unworthy to feel so. I will not allow those pervasive unkind feelings toward myself to continue. I will instead accept His gift, His atonement with much gratitude and happiness! That is His plan. Anything less than that is the plan of the adversary, to keep me down. However, the Saviour's plan is to build us up. To make us equal to our spirits, the truth and light that is our core, and our origins from an perfect and Infinite Father and Mother. I will continue my current plan to purge my old ways from me. I will endeavor to make all parts of myself what I promised in the beginning. I will not see its fruition fully in this lifetime, but will have moved further and closer to my goal when I am able to meet my Creators in the flesh.
Thank you, friend, for helping me along today. I could not have done it without you and your, yet unknowing, encouragement sounding in my ears. I hear your voice clearly and will never reject your soft words of love and sweetness and purity. I pray someday soon I can repay all of you who have aided my sojourn here on this wonderful planet. My love for you is strong and sure and loyal. May God, our Father, bless us each today and always. May we remain grateful and happy and moving forward, progressing day by day until we all meet at some future point in some grand council, clasping hands and looking with confidence and knowing into one another's eyes. We all will endure and endure well this estate and look into the future with curiosity and confidence in our own abilities as well as in the consecrated ability of our Savior, our Redeemer, our Mediator and Friend, even Jesus Christ.