Contradictory parts of ourselves

Originally written January 12, 2003 at 2:31 a.m. to a friend via email.

I’m in the mood for a conversation. It's the middle of the night. I just got home a little while ago. It's interesting I've chosen you to correspond with, but understandable, I guess. I think you would understand my mood, I think. I've just seen a movie...I do not suggest it...but it has caused me to think a lot. I have just seen "Gangs of New York", with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was.......what was it.......I could say pages actually. It was so violent and there was nudity and sex, in a very degrading way to women. That is reason I do not suggest it. The violence and sex and nudity are not what have caused me to think. It is the irony and the contradictions that invade every part of us. It is that basic, eternal question that (for those like me who think constantly about human nature) plagues humanity. How can we be so contradictory at our core? Is it our humanness facing our spirit(ness)? Forgive my making up words. Is it our human side standing toe-to-toe with our spirit side? Putting it another way, could it be our natural man against our eternal man? I mean, can that be one great reason why we are here? To see which side will conquer the other? How many have chosen without realizing there was a fight in the first place? Far too many, I'm sure. I think the poets have asked these questions before. But did they understand the true eternal consequences in store?

Have you seen the movie with Richard Gere and Sean Connery? The First Knight movie. There a scene in the movie with Sir Lancelot, the Knight in full armor fighting the nude Lancelot, who has just slept with the King's wife, Guinevere. That is what I am talking about. If he were a true Knight and loyal to the King, he would never have fallen in love with Guinevere, and how could he be truly in love with her if he were a true Knight. It's a paradox. Once again, we have one side fighting the other. But the truth was that he was both, though completely contradictory, he was a true Knight and truly in love with the King's wife. And which is the natural man versus the eternal man? I mean that's a legend and a Hollywood depiction, but it's a concrete example of what I mean. I don't know too many people that can understand my point. Abraham had the same battle. Kill his son and betray his love, his wife, his earthly reason for living or disobey and betray His God. He chose correctly, and that is what is expected of us. I'm so happy Heavenly Father allowed us to know of Abraham's dilemma and struggle and decision. I just wish we knew more of his struggle, however.