Friday, September 5, 2008

SEEKING PEACE: The Book Chapter Two

I am called to Him, to Father. I understand it is my time to learn what I am to do while on earth. There are so many of us, brothers & sisters, and yet He talks to each one of us privately. I treasure my alone time with Father. Time will be introduced soon to me. We see all our life at once here, not chronologically as we will on earth. I wonder how it will feel to have precious time with those I love passing, moving more and more quickly. Father gently and solemnly puts His powerful hands on my shoulders (huh…as my earthly grandfather will one day). He tenderly and lovingly looks into my eyes. He is ready to show me what is to come as well as what may come if I live up to the many challenges. To my intense surprise, I shudder as I watch my life flooding into my view. Before entering this grand and beautiful room, I had discussed with some of my closest brothers and sisters our various, anticipated assignments. We all believed assuredly we would be ready, up to the task, and able to fulfill all that will be required of us. As I begin to comprehend my mission, I begin to question my ability. I look fearfully into my Father's eyes. He communicates instantly all the knowledge I will require to complete my assignment on earth. I smile as I understand I must succeed. I must not fail. I have an important work to do. If I do not accomplish all that I am sent to do, my life would have been a waste at His, my Savior's second coming. I feel at peace about accepting my assignment. "I can do it, Father", I hear myself say. I will do it. I am confident, ready to face any challenge. I leave Him, knowing I will not see Him again until I have finished my work upon the earth. I turn one last time to gaze upon His glorious face, His soft & able countenance. He smiles back at me & I hear in my mind His reassuring words, "You have an important work to do, but you will never be alone." I somehow know that to be true.

I am now almost 100 in earth years. I lived much longer in the first estate, but I feel my age here. I have many memories and experiences that fill my mind. I have anguished here. I have plead many times for guidance, help, and rescue. I have asked many times that the cup pass from my lips. I have felt again and again unable to complete the task for which I was sent. I have known always that I had an important work to do. I also have known I was never alone, even in my darkest moments. I have cried, begged, and gazed heavenward for relief. I had not received the rescue I had envisioned, but I have felt each time that I was not alone. I longed to hear a voice, His voice, my Heavenly Father’s voice to speak to me. Sometimes I think I have heard it, but not with my earthly ears, but rather with my spiritual ears. I have felt moments of peace, which was fleeting in my younger years, but has been my constant companion for over half my earth life. Regardless, I often felt anxious, uneasy, tormented, misunderstood, useless, helpless, worthless, insignificant, inconsequential, and ignorable. I am wondering if I have fulfilled my purpose yet. I do not remember my exact assignment as the veil covered my view of the last time I spoke with Heavenly Father. I feel sure I did not feel equal to the task. I did not feel ready, but I felt something inside of me, a divine inner nature, that spurred me on again and again. I needed to accomplish this task for which I was sent. I pushed forward though it was extremely difficult at times. A crucial part of doing so involved going someplace holy and separate from the world to clear my mind of all distractions and to gain access to what is buried deep inside of me. I sought to find the peace that already existed there. I sought pure knowledge and truth in quiet moments. I grasped at the perfect idea that I was and am truth & light. I am intelligence. I had the power to find it within myself. I needed to fulfill my purpose and allow others to do the same. The question that will be posed to me very soon is "Hast thou fulfilled and magnified your second estate?" How will I answer?

1 comment:

Shirley Bahlmann said...

Wow, you have a beautiful way with words.